I feel like I'm blogging a ton lately. I don't know what it is, but I just feel compelled to write more here. For one, I'm trying not to use Facebook as much. This is better. I can write here and no one can comment. Facebook posts are okay once in a while but I want to Facebook post sparingly.
I feel like this is a better space to rant and rave and complain and talk shit because basically very few people if anyone read this. So I can basically say whatever I want here and people I know in real life from Facebook don't ask me about this Facebook post or that Facebook post.
So anytime I feel annoyed, or I want to say what's on my mind, or pretty much anything. Where I used to Facebook post it. And before that tweet it. Now I just post it here. Again, pretty much no one I know knows this even exists.
I guess my other reason I've been posting a lot is because I just feel like I have the most connection to this blog than anything else. I talk with all these girls on dating sites. Or I go out to events and things and the talk is very disconnected. It's like... When I put things down here, there's a real tangible feeling of connection.
But when I sit on a first date, I know she doesn't care about what I'm telling her. I know that we'll probably never see each other again. Plus it has to be all "fake" and nice and prim and proper.
On here it can be whatever. It's the same as when I used to talk to my mom. Basically we could talk about WHATEVER. Because it was my mom. So she would just say whatever she wanted to me and I would just say whatever I wanted to her.
So that's what this is. No filters. I say whatever. Facebook people are all like... well you have to filter that. Just because then you see people in real life and they are all judging you about what you posted on Facebook and ask you questions about it.
But here it's a connection much like what I had with my mom where it was just like... I can say whatever.
Because let's be honest. That's how people REALLY are. People aren't all prim and proper at their core. They are honest and raw. If people are being all nice and prim and proper it means they are being fake. Sometimes people get annoyed or angry or upset. That's real life. That's being human. Sometimes people talk shit. It's just what people do. If someone is always nice and roses and sunshine, it means they are full of shit.
Real people go down in flames sometimes. They get heated. Then they're okay. That's what it's like to be human. You have emotions.
So anyways this is my no filter space. If people read it... That's up to them. I write a lot. I might write even more. I might slow it down and only do a blog here or there. Right now I'm going about a blog a day. Some days I miss a day. But some days I write 5 blogs. I feel like a blog a day is probably best.
Anyways today I wanted to work on music, but I did chores instead. I'll probably work on music in a bit for a little while and then resume chores. I have to go to the store at some point too.
For some reason I had tons of chores to do. That's okay. I'm feeling accomplished because of all the items I crossed off my to-do list today.
So, it's not that I want to "tell" people what I'm doing. But, sometimes it feels good just to write it down somewhere. It's about having a connection to something authentic or real. Somewhere that you can just open your mind and say whatever as opposed to keeping it all under wraps and what not. So that's what's been on my mind today. And since I can't just go talk to my mom for an hour about whatever and she talk to me...
I write it all here instead.
Future plans are a funny thing. Because yours, or my own, future plans... Are someone else's current plans. There is probably someone else exactly where you currently want to be.
Today I was thinking about my writing session last night. And all my other writing sessions. I'm closing in on the end of this book. And I was thinking about all the spots I've written at. And when I finally write the very last sentence in the last page. I'll then move on to a new book. And then figure out what I'm going to do with this current book when it's done.
One thought I had a while back was to print it out. Wrap it up nice and neat all Pinterest like. And mail it to the girl that inspired it. Maybe she would be the only one to ever read it. Or maybe she'd just toss it in the trash. And hesitate after she tossed it before she finally closed the lid.
But, I have since decided against that.
Mostly because I don't know her mailing address.
Instead I've decided that something will happen with it. I'll connect up with just the right person as soon as I finish it and things will go from there. I'm sure of it.
And then my plan, or my dream rather, is to somehow make millions from it, but not because I really want millions of dollars more because I want to create. I want to use that money to create more. And use that money from that to create even more. I just want to be in hollywood. I just want to write and make movies and music. That's my dream, it always has been...
So from the money I make from anything really I'll work on my books and music.
I'm trying to picture myself as a writer... A published author. I feel like ideally? I live in LA. Or rather I have a house in LA. But I also have a place here in PA. Mainline. Probably Wayne. I write mostly in bars and coffeeshops around the Mainline area. But sometimes I fly back to LA. I live on both coasts. Close to my roots. Philly and LA... Representing.
Maybe go up to NYC sometimes. Maybe go where inspiration takes me.
My upcoming books, one of them has me in San Fran, another has me down in Miami. So, I might visit those areas to get inspiration. Another is over in Paris.
The one I'm on now is North Jersey. I might visit a few more times before I finish the book just to kind of get another feel of the plot and the characters. I might walk through the characters actions. I might visit the exact locations where the characters go. I don't know.
I feel like LA is just a good place to be as an author, or a creative type. At least, a place to have a house. And maybe I'll live in a house like my grandparents did. My grandparents had a house high up on mountain with a fantastic view, it's just relaxing. Today I stumbled upon two videos on YouTube that is basically my grandparents house...
So the initial video was a short film called "Those Wrecked by Success". That video was then used by someone and they combined Gasoline by Halsey with the scenes from Those Wrecked by Success. I love both videos. I love the song. The house from the video reminds me of my grandparents houses in California. It reminds me of what I'd love to get back to.
And then I just love Gasoline. It's kind of dark... But, you know, it's strange there's something fascinating to me about a dark minded girl, I think there always has been. About someone that's got something going on in her head... That she's thinking about things. I guess it just catches my attention. If everything is roses and sunshine.... I don't know, it just doesn't do it for me. But if you've got lyrics like Gasoline... in your head?
I can't stay away. I want to know more about you.
There's a certain allure.
Anyways here's the short film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbNAzNAr27c
And here's the Halsey music video for the song Gasoline: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ-m55K3FhQ
I don't think that's the official music video for Gasoline. I'm going to look it up now. But it does seem to work well.
I just know that, sometimes when I'm out writing and I listen to songs like Gasoline and I'm in the moment. It kind of feels like I've completely removed myself from who I am in real life and I've put myself inside the story. I guess it helps that usually I've had a couple drinks.
But when I think about my future and where I'm going? I feel like I want to create worlds. I want to create fiction. I want to encounter more people with fascinating minds and let their minds inspire my own. Let the contents of their minds spill out onto the page as I type away in a bar somewhere, probably on the Mainline in some old pub. That old Philadelphia feel. And I grab the thoughts coming at me in my direction and push them outwards into the story.
There's one line in the song that I really like, "I think there's a flaw in my code". I feel like, that's what most attracts me. That what most pulls me into someone. That feeling. It's fascinating. It's mysterious. I can't look away. I can't turn my thoughts away. I want to know more.
I think we're all fascinated and absolutely attracted to that beautiful girl, with a slightly disturbed mind. It pulls you in and you can't escape.
She's smart. She's a fighter. She's beautiful. But that mind of hers? You'd give anything to crack the code and figure out what's going on in that mind of hers.
There are so many characters in so many books that fit that description. And we're fascinated and captivated by them.
On Friday I went on a date with a girl that does Airbnb a ton. She usually has one guest a week or so. She bought a 2 bedroom house in Fishtown. I'm currently in this 4 bedroom. Although one bedroom is still my mom's stuff, which I'm slowly removing a thing here or there. Another bedroom is mine, another is my office, and the other is the guest room. There's definitely just a lot of "stuff". I try to figure out at least one or two things a week.
So, I have to live in this house for 2 years from February before I can sell it. Well, I can sell it whenever I want, but if I stay 2 years or more I pay a significantly lower capital gains tax rate on it.
I was thinking some of my future plans should just include travel, and living in new places. I think I'm at the point where I give up on love and a family and all that. So, okay, yes there are some dates I've been on where I've thought, yeah, I could probably marry this person, but it wouldn't be love. Like, I could be married to her, she's nice, she's smart, she's hardworking... But I have not feelings for her. I'm just thinking, what kind of a marriage would that be? Every time we kiss or I have to say the dreaded "I love you" to her. But inside I'm just like... the only reason I decided to be with her was because my options were getting more and more limited and I'm getting older. So it was just.. Well... It's either her or nothing.
What a sad marriage and rest of my life that would be. You know? Instead, I can just stay single. I can move on a yearly basis to a new city every year. I can travel a bunch.
Family's cost money. Kids cost money. And if you're not in love... It can be a drain on you and a burden on you.
Traveling costs money and so does moving somewhere new every year. But if you're just a single guy... It can be fun. It can be a new and refreshing experience to move every year.
So I think after my mom's estate is done and the trust is done and setup. And in 2 years, I may sell this out and move somewhere new. But I will most likely just Airbnb it and hang on to it and maybe use the Airbnb money to travel. I can setup a guest room just for Airbnb. I can put a small fridge in it and keep a lock box with a key code on it and have the key in that lockbox.
Or maybe I can entirely just remotely Airbnb the place. Have a cleaner come after each guest. Just have a whole house up for Airbnb. Or I can eventually sell it and buy smaller houses in cities around the world and Airbnb those.
That way I can block out dates on the Airbnb calendar for whatever property I want to travel to.
I definitely can't do a roommate here. I like having my own space. Living alone is just really my jam.
Having a 4 bedroom house is super nice. I'd really like to take the cash that I'll eventually receive, or even what I have right now, and continue to invest and reinvest. Use the resources I have now to keep building on to something bigger.
So, I could make one room here for now into an Airbnb room and do that maybe once a month. Another can be my studio/office. I can use the Airbnb money to travel myself. And use that to put into music and books and stocks.
Will I stop going on dates and completely give up on the dating thing? Maybe. I don't know. I'd still like to hope that one of these days I'll meet that one girl that things just really hook in for me and her. That they really catch. That catching/hook feeling. Where at first you go... Wait a minute? And then you think about them more and more and then you end up seeing each other more and more, or you want to see them more and more. But I keep going on dates where there's just no hook/catch feeling. Like, I'm not super drawn to them. I'm not like... SUPER SUPER missing them. I don't want to text them because I WANT to text them. I just text them because they text me back and it's like oh... I have to text this person back because otherwise I feel bad if I don't.
That's kind of where I'm at with love... the guilt relationships. Where you feel bad if you don't contact them. You feel bad if you don't talk to them more. It's not like... the... I want to call this person "RIGHT NOW!" feeling. It's just.. Meh.
Which pretty much sums up dating. There's no real... catching/hooking feeling. There's nothing there to tug at my heart with any of the dates I go on. It's just... bland. I guess. There's nothing like... that draws me in. You know?
And it's always a bit of a mystery. When I think of all the girls I've "fallen for"... It's always a mystery as to why I fall for them and not other girls. But I don't know. Sometimes you cross paths with one girl and the moment you do... You're hooked.
I guess I'm hoping that happens again and it's for real the next time it does happen. For now? I'm just going to make other plans. I'll keep with the dating site first dates. It doesn't hurt to go on a first date a couple or few times a month. It doesn't hurt to keep an active profile and keep on looking on there. Keep some conversations going. Meanwhile, I'll make other plans with music and Airbnb and hopefully get things going with that.
And everyone else can have their marriages and kids and family reunions. And me? I'll just try to make plans to travel or perhaps move somewhere new. I can also always get an IT networking type job pretty much anywhere in the world at most companies. IT people are always in demand. If love finds me it finds me it finds me. I'm not going to date or marry someone that I don't have any genuine feelings for. I'm not going to be with someone out of guilt because I feel bad because I feel like we should keep things going. I want to be with someone that I genuinely feel in my heart I want to be with her and can't get enough of her.
Maybe I never find it. But I'd rather be single than in that situation where I live with someone I can't stand. To me? That's the worst situation. To be married to someone and live together and not love them. Because then, it's like having a roommate that you can't even charge rent, or Airbnb the room. You just have this person... There.
And maybe I'll meet someone just going out and about. Last night my one coworker and I ended up talking to these two girls at Barcade accidentally. Nothing came of it. And all 4 of us went our separate ways. But, hey... It could be a situation like that where I suddenly do start talking to someone and it does click. It does match and mesh.
I guess that's what leads to two people getting married. You have to meet in the first place. So, anyone that IS in a relationship or IS married... It's all luck. They can't say anything to anything otherwise. You had to meet that person in the first place. You had to cross paths in the first place. And there are BILLIONS of people on this planet. So to even cross paths in the first place, your odds are astronomically small. Then you have to click as well. You have to click enough to keep talking. To have the hook. That feeling that's mutual, mind you, because a lot of people develop the feeling only on one side of the two people. But you have to have BOTH people mutually clicking and catching with each other.
And then you have to make it all the way.
I just haven't crossed paths with her yet, if she IS even out there. Maybe it's not. Maybe there is no one for me. Oh well... I mean I guess I COULD just date someone I don't have any feelings for, for a while. I'm sure others have done that. It just means that we know going into the relationship, that it probably will eventually end. But I imagine a lot of people do that. They date knowing there's an expiration date.
But for now I make other plans. And go with whatever comes my way. I mean my original plans for last night were actually different. I had plans to go to go out to see The Wizard of Oz movie night at Penns Woods Winery but it rained. So instead I ended up at Barcade and then when my coworker left to go to this concert that he was going to see, I went to do some writing at Tired hands brewing in Ardmore.
Techincally according to my plans.. I wasn't supposed to be at either of those places last night. But there I was. So, plans have a way of getting changed.
So who knows. I guess some day I might run into the right girl and it will just work. For now... I just float along and maybe make an Airbnb guest room in my house.
So, more reasons why God definitely hates me and wants me to suffer in this life... In addition to the whole not sending someone that I'm compatible with on dating level...
Here's a breakdown of the amount of money I've received so far from various things...
My mom's estate: Still 0 dollars received. Still waiting. Signed lots of paperwork.
Trust: 0 dollars received. Signed lots of paperwork though.
Camp: 0 dollars received. I went all the way to Maine and worked my butt off for 2 weeks... And I'm STILL doing accounts for them. They have yet to send me a dime of payment.
Where am I getting money from? My regular full time job. My stock dividends keep rolling in.
So far I've had to pay out the wazoo for these cats. And I have a 5 grand tax payment due. This was all supposed to come out of my mom's estate. Even my mom's funeral... I paid that and still have yet to be reimbursed for that.
And then my dad's side of the family is all like "Ohhhhh drive up to upstate NY and come to our reunion and book a hotel and what not."
Hey I don't know about you guys? But I have other things I have to spend my money on. I have other costs that I have to pay.
Or other friends will be like ... Come to this 50 dollar concert with us!
Yeah okay. Obviously you all don't know what a tax bill is and you don't know what funeral expenses are and you don't know what it costs to care for 4 cats, or put one of them down, which by the way cost me 1200 bucks alone and now there are 3 so that's less money going into food and litter and vet bills but still.
I mean it would be NICE to receive the money I'm SUPPOSED to be getting from my mom's estate or the trust... Or even the work I did in Maine for the camp. But nope. Still haven't received a dime.
I do get money from my music streams and I get money from my stocks. Just got a dividend from Cracker Barrel. So it looks like things that I'm setting up myself are producing income at least.
It's a good thing I was smart enough to build up a savings over the years knowing life would be like this. I have other friends that spend every penny of paycheck they get traveling to Europe an what not and going on cruises. Good luck when your parent or parents die and you have to cover their stuff. That's all I gotta say. You'll regret spending all that money on cruises and travel destinations and wish you had saved more.
I think as far as camp goes I'll let it ride and maybe ask next month. If I still haven't received payment basically by next year. I'll just tell him that I'm not going to come up again next summer. It's a bit of a slap in the face to do work for someone and not get paid for it.
Of course each time I go on a date I pay for both of us as well. That's why I like to stick to first dates of just getting coffee. Like yesterday I only wasted 6 bucks on some girl I'll never see again on this planet.
But the week before I spent a good 50 because she, at the last minute, was like... Let's go get drinks instead!
And I'm just like okay fine. So we got drinks and appetizers.
So I wasted 50 bucks on a girl I'll never see again.
That's how it goes in the dating world for a guy. You toss away a lot of money on first dates. It's a little unfair because a girl could basically just use a dating site to get all the free food and drinks she wants.
Oh well, that's life. And that's why God hates me.
I keep getting into these conversations with girls on datings sites and the ONLY GOD DAMN thing they care about is... If I'll watch sports with them. NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT SPORTS!
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
I DON'T WANT TO WATCH FUCKING SPORTS WITH YOU.
I'm tired of all of these dating site girls being the same. Where the hell are the ones that don't care about the Phillies or Flyers or the Eagles. WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO YOU THAT THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS THAT YOU WANT SOME GUY TO WATCH SPORTS WITH YOU.
There are SOOOO MANY OTHER THINGS TO DO! Read a GOD DAMN BOOK. OR paint, or draw. Be creative.
It's like every one of these girls has NO creative bone in their body. It's such a turn off.
I don't want someone that's just like... All you want to do is watch sports all day. I HATE WATCHING SPORTS.
Dating sucks. It just does. I don't know how anyone fucking gets married EVER. It's like the worst god damn fucking experience on the planet. I hate it soooooo much.
I'm tired of all these girls on dating sites and their fucking sports PRIORITIES. There's art museums. There's SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO DO. There are social issues and other bigger and better problems to solve in our society than worrying about which team is winning... "Winning". SPORTS DON'T MATTER! It's all made up! WHO CARES WHO WINS IN SOME STUPID GAME. It's GOD DAMN FUCKING GAME!
MY GOD. WHAT THE FUCK. I DON'T WANT TO GO WITH YOU TO SPORTS GAMES AND I DON'T WANT TO WATCH SPORTS WITH YOU.
DATING JUST FUCKING SUCKS. RELATIONSHIPS SUCK. THE WHOLE FUCKING IDEA THAT ANYONE COULD EVER POSSIBLE MEET THE "LOVE OF THEIR LIFE" SUCKS.
It doesn't exist. It's such bullshit. Anyone that says they are "in love" is so fucking full of shit.
I've decided that I just hate people that are in relationships, or engaged, or married. How on earth did you ever find someone that you wanted to actually date and they wanted to date you?
I've had both where the person wants to date me but I don't want to dat her, and I want to date a girl but she doesn't want to date me.
I've never really had where we BOTH mutual want to date one another. I just don't get how you ever actually found that.
It's just like WHERE did you go to find that? I don't know. I'm so just fed up with dating. It's just exhausting. Going out to public places... There's never any single people in sight. And the online dating things just sucks. It's so draining.
And then I have all these married people in my face like, "Oh you just need to do this. Or that. Or go here."
Yeah. Great advice. Because I've tried all that and haven't had any luck at all. So thanks for the advice but your advice sucks.
I guess I'll keep going out places and going on online dates because what other option is there. But dating just sucks. And I HATE anyone that is like oh I found my significant other...
SHUT UP. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I HATE YOU. I hate people in relationship. I hate people that are married. I hate people that are engaged. Or in any form of any kind of relationship phase.
I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU ALL.
So my aunt emailed me today to ask if I was coming to the reunion. She wrote this big long email...
I emailed back a big long email about how I have to work.
She made it sound like this event is the most important thing in the world. Or not the event, but the "new additions" are important.
My thing is... I could care less. I REALLY could. Here I am some single person. I don't want to meet some new husband or wife of someone else. Good fucking job. Here's a cookie. No get out of my face.
I don't want to see your kid that you made because you were lucky enough to finally meet someone and fall in love.
Really? Don't shove that shit all up in my face and flaunt it. Good for you.. But I REALLY don't give a shit about your accomplishments.
Maybe if I were married or had kids... Okay fine because then it's like oh look we both have the same thing.
But because I'm single. That's like showing off your new sports coup to someone that can't even afford a car in the first place.
You don't do that. You don't show off shit that you KNOW someone else wants and doesn't have.
To me? That makes you a pompous asshole.
Anyways I'm glad I have to work. I'm glad I can't go. I'd just be sitting there the whole time in my head thinking... "That's nice, here's a cookie" every-time someone wants to show off their significant other or kid.
I really don't care. I REALLY don't. You're annoying. Go away.
Now, if the reunion were like out at some bar somewhere and there were other single girls in the vicinity. Or if there were a rule that for every married couple and every kid, they have to bring a single girl and single guy for the other single girls and single guys to mingle with. I can agree with that.
But to me? It's like... I just don't want to sit there and be forced to "praise" your accomplishments.
You know what other act is similar? Where someone is forced into a position they don't want to be in?
It's called rape.
So, basically in a way. You're raping me with your significant other and children. Because you're unwillingly forcibly shoving your shit in my face.
So I don't have to feel as though I'm having my dignity raped out of me by your accomplishments that I really don't give a flying shit about and could care less.
Anyways, so I'm glad I have to work.
Next weekend my dad's side of my family is having a family reunion up in upstate NY. I can't go, I have to work... August through September for work in higher education is always SUPER busy. It's like the super super super SUPER busy time of the year. The start of the semester is always just really demanding... and theoretically it should be all kinds of exhausting. But it's not too bad to me at least.
But you know what IS exhausting? Or what would have been? Going to the reunion. Why? Because there's all married people with kids. It's weird... hanging out with married people, ESPECIALLY married people with kids just drains me of energy. It's SUPER exhausting. I can handle like an hour... But anything beyond that is like... I just feel like my soul is being sucked out.
Hanging out with other singulars though? Super energy restoring. I feel like I get energy from other single people. But people that are in relationships or married or have kids? It's like my soul is literally being sucked out of my body.
So, I'm just glad I have to work and can't make it. I feel like family reunions are for married people with kids. I'm not there in life yet. I mean I'd love to meet a girl and have kids and get married... But I guess I just haven't met the right one yet.
Just have to keep going on first dates from dating sites and going out to events and things. She'll come along one day.
I just updated my Tinder dating app and now have this tinder social thing. It's basically where you click to join a group of people already out somewhere, like at a bar on a saturday night. So, instead of matching and going on dates one on one, you join a group of friends, also on tinder, that are out and about on the town. So you can socialize as a group. I think that's kind of neat. The theory behind it is that it's easier to chat and get to know people when you have a group of single people... Which is EXACTLY what I was just saying. It's more energizing when you have a group of single people and you're all out having drinks together. That's my ideal situation.
I'm just like... If you're married or in a relationship? Get the fuck out.
If you're single though? Let's all go out and have drinks!
SO, to review... I like single people and they give me energy. The more non-single you are.. anywhere from seeing someone, to actually in a relationship, to in a serious relationship, to married with kids... I'm just like... the LEAST amount of time I can spend with you or in your presence... That'd be great. If you could just GTFO (get the fuck out) of my life, that'd be spectacular.
So my next thing is to try this tinder social thing and see if I can mingles with the singles.
BRING ON THE SINGLE PEOPLE! You invigorate me and give me energy.
And out with anyone that isn't single. You're all slowly sucking away my soul... It's completely exhausting just being in your presence.
So I had 3 distinct things pop into my head today possibly related to yesterday's asking that Kara think thoughts in my direction... They are... Drumroll please...
- When I woke up, I had the following song in my head... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc
- At some point in the morning I started saying the phrase "Just keep swimming" as said by Dory from Finding Nemo, and possibly Find Dory. Although I haven't seen Finding Dory. So I don't know if she says it in that or not.
- And finally... Kara's friend Amy's pet ferret. I kept thinking about Amy's pet ferret. I kept wondering what the ferret's name is. Now I want to know what that ferret's name is. I REALLY want to know what that ferret's name is. It's really bugging me now. I wonder if it's a boy or a girl. And I wonder what it's name is.
SO, the results are inconclusive.
I'm not sure what all of that is or means. All I do know is... I just listened to the song Your Love Never Fails as I wrote this post, I now REALLY want to see Finding Dory... And lastly, I'm now curious to know what Kara's friend Amy's pet Ferret's name is.
There ya go.
In other news today we had to switch out a piece of networking equipment at work. It's a 33 thousand dollar piece of equipment. I was like... No sweat it. We swapped it out and I hooked up my laptop and configured it up in a hot minute. All is working well again.
After that I went on a date. It was okay. We chatted and had iced coffee. She inquired about if I like sports or not because she's big on sports. I told her I'm not the biggest of sports fans. She said... "That's okay." But you could tell she was kind of disappointed, like she sort of was hoping I'd be a fellow sports fanatic and go crazy at sporting events with her.
It was a Bumble date. Lately I've been going on more Bumble dates than anything. I have basically nothing but photos up and only a sentence or two. On my OKCupid profile I have like 30 pages of stuff written. On Bumble I just end up finding out about them and they about me as we chat or on the date as we chat over coffee.
So, it's back to swiping left or right. Truth be told, I pretty much always swipe right. I don't know, I guess I'm just like, what if I swipe left on "the one" and she swipes right. And then we never get to talk to one another. You know? So, I swipe right on them all. And then every now and then there's a match. Then we chat, and most fizzle out after about 10 messages... But then every few message starts there one that goes all the way to a first date. It averages about 1 first date a week.
Usually it's like 2 hours of coffee and conversation.
After the date I worked on the book for a few. I wrote the scene where the guy sends a bouquet flowers to the girl's work after the break up. So that's about where I'm at in the book.
Only in real life there was a stuffed bear and some chocolates too. But in the book there's no stuffed bear or chocolates. Just flowers.
Now I'm home. Probably call it a night in a few. Just going to do some chores and such. And ponder what Amy's pet ferret is named.
It's probably something like Fonzo. Fonzo the Ferret. Or Fonzie. Ayyyyyyyyyy!!! The Ferret Fonz.
Or if it's a girl ferret, Fiona. Fiona The Ferret Princess.
See, now this is really going to be on my mind all night! Amy and her ferret.
You know what I wanted to try... Because... Why not? You know? I mean, hey... It would be cool if it worked, and if it didn't, okay, no harm no foul.
But let's just say it DID work right? Let's just say for the sake of argument it did work. How interesting and fascinating would that be?
Now, I don't know, maybe Kara isn't still reading this. Maybe she is... But maybe not. I stopped checking my analytics again. So maybe it's too late.
But what we have here is a VERY unique situation. You know? I was just thinking about it all today and I was like... This situation is SUPER unique.
Where else do you have someone that reads someone else blog... and then the other person doesn't read their stuff, but they think about that other person all the time.
I'm curious to know if it's possible to, let's put this like, is it possible to influence thoughts.
Okay so let's call this a thought experiment. So, Kara, if she's still reading this could think something about me. Or think something in my direction... Or like say a prayer or something about me before bed (I guess she could pray at anytime, I always just imagined her doing it right before she goes to sleep, I don't know why, I just picture her saying nightly prayers before she goes to bed, like, let me pray about people and life before I go to sleep for the night).
If I kind of "feel" it... Or get the gist of it, or the vibe of it... I'll just post what's on my mind or what pops into my mind from that on here.
Maybe this is just crazy. Or maybe I'm just curious if any kind of thought link has formed because you've been reading my blog (if you're still reading it) for a good 5 years now. I mean maybe after 5 years of me laying down thoughts and you picking them up... Somehow we've "crossed the beams" like they did in Ghost Busters.
Hey maybe, what I end up posting like, tomorrow night, it will be what Kara is thinking, or thought about me. Or prayed about me. I'm just curious if you think something in my direction REALLY hard, that maybe I can at least catch some or part of it...
And then I put it on here. How weird/cool would that be if it ACTUALLY worked? I mean who knows right? Could be.
So, if she's reading, her homework is to think something at me.
Or, I mean heck, if ANYONE is reading... THINK something REALLY hard at me. Or if you're religious, include me in your prayers and we'll see if it comes out in my blog post.
I know, I KNOW, it's REALLY out there (like X Files type of Mulder and Scully stuff). This is crazy talk. But after 5 years of writing blogs, you gotta try new things! I'm not saying that I'm "running out" of things to blog about. I'm just saying...
Let's give this a shot and see where it goes? I mean what could POSSIBLY be the worst that could happen?
I mean the WORST case scenario, nothing happens.
Okay so tomorrow night I'll write a blog about what sort of thoughts or feelings or spiritual experiences I feel though out the day. Maybe I'll take little notes down and write down the time that I feel something and what I feel.
And then... I'll just post it on here in some kind of daily "feelings/thoughts" log.
Although, from back when I used to check my analytics regularly, she (Kara) sometimes would go as much as a couple weeks without reading my posts. So it's entirely possible she might not even see this until like a couple weeks from now if she is still reading it.
But hey, one never knows. So, basically maybe I'm just bored... And sometimes you get a little bored in life, it happens to all of us.
So, Kara if you're still taking a little peek at my blog from time to time, think some thoughts in my direction. Or anyone else that reads this... feel free to think something in my direction (or pray if you're religious) and we'll see if anything comes of it!
Because why the heck not?!?! I say, let's give it a shot.