New song, you can find it here: http://www.bennyeast.com/index.php?p=recordings
"Wish Upon A Hero"
I've decided to dedicate it to my Grandmom who passed away 10 years ago this month from cancer. Miss you super lots of much.
I said to myself the other day:
"I want to play some more live shows, but I don't know... how am I going to get more gigs? All the places I want to play are terrible to deal with and I play the open mics but they still never give me shows!"
Fast forward to tonight:
I'm hanging out with my new friends in our newly created "Chilling With God" group. We've been meeting now 4 weeks. Our plan for next week is to find somewhere that isn't Starbucks... more like someone's house. I've offered up my apartment but it really should be somewhere close to the church because that's kinda the middle of where the 3 of us are from. We want to try and see if we can get more members and maybe even turn it into where we have dinner... or snacks... and we pretty much just converse about anything really in a very relaxed chill environment. We just kind of talk about God and maybe a passage or something or just whatever pops into our minds that we have a story or two from that week about how God has played out in our lives.
It's good stuff. Dan thinks he has a friend that lives near that might be able to host. So we'll seeeeeeeeeeee...
Anywho... so tonight in our convo I mentioned about finishing up my new song. He was like "Right on dude!"... then he mentioned his friend Andrew who runs music at a place called Common Grounds. Dan was like: "You should message him right NOW on your phone on facebook!"....
So... I did that.
I got an answer back and then a date and BAM. I got a show.
I mean... how is that NOT God answering my thoughts? I think it totally is.
So the show will be on October 21st at the Common Grounds. I'm not sure of the time... or the addy... but I'll double check all the details and post up a blog with all the information so everyone can come see me jam out!
Also: new song should be up tonight.
I am ALMOST finished a new song. I'm sorta... not liking the whole idea that I always SAY I want to donate money by doing something with music or whatever creative outlet and then it never happens because the goal I setup is never met. So this is going to become a priority. I want to make this happen no matter what.
I have decided that with this new song I want to get 10 thousand downloads of my new song on iTunes. Oh, I guess I should mention that like "A Place That Fits" I will be uploading this track and paying the 15 bucks to put it on CDBaby and thus iTunes. Once it's up there I am going to go out and play the song at open mics around the area and every time I play it I will ask that people download the track. I think I might make up business cards and things with direct links or something like that. Then once I get 10 thousand downloads on iTunes I will take 10 percent of that... and donate 1 thousand dollars. Actually I'll technically be donating more than 10 percent because there are fees and all sorts of other things so even if I get 10 thousand downloads at 99 cents it's actually less than 10 thousand dollars. But I will still donate 1 thousand dollars to charity.
So... I am going to make this my goal for the next year. I totally LOVE the new song and I think everyone else will at least think it's pretty good. I am going to make it my goal to get more shows and I will do this by playing open mics and by really trying to get my music out there more than I ever have before.
So yea... I'll be doing all kinds of different things including submitting my music to try and get radio play and just anything I can think of to try and really become more of a legitimate musician.
I really want to use my music to do good and one of the ways I realized I can do that is by generating income from the music and then donating a portion of that to charity and good causes. That portion i think should be 10 percent. Even if I am able to make millions upon millions from my music I would still like to give away 10 percent of my income to charity. So... this is not just going to be a... hopefully this will happen... thing... I am going to do whatever it takes to make this actually become a reality.
I've been holding back on writing about this because I've discussed it with many people over the years and everyone I speak with always never understands why it troubles me. They always say to me yea but... that would just not work if people weren't like this. You need people to be able to do this or nothing would work right in life...
This is one of those blogs that I'm not actually asking for an answer. I'm just kind of writing to write... and putting the idea out there.
So what is it that troubles me that I always ask others what they think about? Well... it's something that I kind of see as just... weird... about humans. About me... or everyone... really...
It's this one thing: We as humans have the ability to think... feel... act... speak... all in separate ways that don't have to coincide with each other. So what I mean is... if I am at a party and the conversation is about say, maybe... sports... (since everyone pretty much knows I don't like sports) So lets say people might be talking about baseball or football... and so I have NO idea what they are talking about... but I have the ability as a human to THINK in my head man this is boooooooring... but then I can SAY to them "oh yea dude totally... that pitcher guy sure knows how to throw a good touch down home run off sides thing... and number 8 and 35 are my favorite players... they sure know how to play all kinds of plays and things."
Then some other dude can say "RIGHT ON BRO... This guy KNOWS his sports stuff!"
But then he can think in his head... what an idiot.
and then we high five and say "YOU ARE THE MAN! We should hang out ALLLL THE TIME!"
But then we both can think... what an idiot. I'm TOTALLY never talking to this guy again after this party.
However... I just say it like it is when someone asks me about sports and I just say "dude... honestly... I don't follow any sports at all"
Then they look at me weird. Like I'm not from this planet... and no one knows what to say next.
I think the same can happen like maybe at work... or even with like friends! I don't know... I mean... as far as people go... if you just think what IF no one could do that?
I guess it happens on dates too "I would LOVE to see you again."
But then they say to themselves... oh god... that was the worst date I've ever been on as they get back to their car.
So they just said... something... that is COMPLETLY different from how they really think or feel.
That just makes me... sad. I guess. mostly because I always get my hopes up because I'm just bad at reading between the lines...
WHY? I mean... ok I KNOW why... they didn't want to hurt the person's feelings... but I mean WHY as humans do we even have that ability to do that? I mean... why not just remove it? Just make it so that we say what we think/ feel...
What if no one could NOT say what they were thinking in their minds? I mean... would we have criminals? Because... ok... let's say we got rid of speaking...
Like this is sort of the idea of my blog about typeless keyboards and mouseless mouses... the idea that thoughts as they are flow without censoring. Maybe this is what all this social media stuff is? Maybe people are more likely to spit out what they are thinking to each other than in person? I don't know really... but I just wonder how the world would be different if we couldn't speak but only think to each other. IF we could hear each others thoughts and minds.
If maybe we could see and know the actions of each other and like where things were going. So like for example if some guy was going to rob a bank... you would KNOW... and not just YOU... but EVERYONE would know what he was going to do because you could hear his thoughts and mind and know his actions. I guess maybe that's a privacy thing?
Hmm... so... I mean.. maybe that's the argument? That you have to be able to privately think certain things and then filter out what is good and bad to say to those people.
It just always troubled me though. But I guess if everyone knew what the other person was thinking then no one would be able to come up with a good business idea and get it out there before the competitor... or I wouldn't be able to write a song and keep it secret and copyright it and then put it up... and say hey... that's MY song.
But I guess there is also collaboration on things.. our. Maybe the idea of ownership is kinda weird too... because I mean no one lives forever... so that's always seemed odd to me. That someone can say something "belongs" to them... because in 100 years... it will "belong" to someone else.
But... I've always just thought about this from when I was a little kid and I first understood the idea of crime...
I think my very VERY first problem with it was when I saw someone do what I call splitting: I would see a grown up be super nice... and talk in that whole PG kid speak to us... and then when that grown up thought I wasn't listening anymore they would swear and curse up a storm. And I said to myself...
This person is two different people inside of one body! I even thought for a while when I was really little that people contained multiple people inside of the one physical body... like a good and a bad person.
I had soooooo much trouble with that. And once I saw someone act "different" when they weren't acting the whole PG thing in front of me I would immediately not trust them anymore because I was just kinda like well which is the REAL you?
The nice one that you are talking all "kidspeak" to me... or the one where you are out back talking with other grown ups using all sorts of profanity?
Yea... I'll admit... I guess I still sorta see people like this... it's a problem. Like when was in college and I would see people in class... and they are acting all proper... and then I see them in another setting getting completely smashed. I'd have trouble seeing them as the same person. I would see them almost as two different people.
And even at work I still kinda have this... so I tend to not like the whole going out with co-workers and getting drunk/partying thing... because it kind of is just hard for me. But I'm more able to deal with it now. I understand people have different behaviors based on the setting they are in and such...
But with the crime thing... I was sort of like well if we could know what everyone was thinking then we would be able to stop the crimes before they happen!
And then they made a movie about that... So... apparently when I was 6 I had the idea for ... I believe it was called Minority Report. Although, I'm pretty sure the idea was probably written in some book LONG before I ever thought of it.
But... so now everyone knows... it's always troubled me that our thoughts can be different from our actions which can be different from what we speak from our tongues.
But I think maybe living right is trying keep those all in sync as best one can? I mean... because doesn't God hear everything you say/think/feel and see everything you do?
So how would God feel about those all not being in sync with each other? Hmmm ok well that's enough pondering... I'm gonna get to sleep.
Maybe I forgot to add that we can also dream something entirely different... and unlike the other things I mentioned before we have no control over what we dream. Or at least I never do, some claim to control their dreams... I've never been able to do this though.
Today... or yesterday... I helped out at my fellow co-worker's charity event. I usually help in some way shape or form every year. I've been involved pretty much since I think maybe 2008 ish? Most other years I just kind of drive around on a golf cart and hand out pretzels and beer to golfers, which is fun, but this year I did some candid photographing which wore me out! Photographing events with lots of people is... REALLY hard work! I mean... I had no idea how much work it is. WAY more than a regular photo session although a regular photo session is hard work as well. Photography is just a lot of work.
So the charity event is a golf outing where a few hundred golfers play the whole course all at the same time. They all start at different holes and go around in teams of four. It's all to raise money for a charity.
The charity is http://www.zacharywallacefund.com/
So overall it was good fun. I'm just soooooooo tired. I came home and pretty much just uploaded the photos to my computer ran a backup and then just fell asleep for a few hours. Then I woke up to blog... and here we are.
I must say that it was WAY more work then I had expected trying to run around and take photos on the course. There were just sooooo many people and as well it was a bit rainy so at some points I just kind of put my camera away and headed back to take cover because I didn't want to be in the rain with my camera. But I took a good near 300 pictures and went almost completely through 2 batteries. I went from 1pm to about 8pm. I was definitely under prepared for it all. I sort of went into it thinking just taking a few snapshots here and there of a golfer or two in a candid fashion and ended up also being more of an event photographer and taking photos at the post golf outing awards ceremony and raffle give away thing.
I am looking at the pictures I took inside and kind of really wish I'd used the flash instead of pumping the ISO up. But I really don't like to use the flash because it gives it that "I obviously used a flash" look. What I should have actually done was had a tripod and increased or decreased the shutter speed along with some ISO. Shoulda/Coulda/Woulda... Two things I definitely need to buy are a big real tripod and maybe a pro flash. I've also heard of something called "bouncing the flash" and I find that technique interesting.
The problem as far as technically speaking for me at least is that in photography I am still at that stumbling/fumbling stage. You can only ask someone to wait to have their picture taken for so many seconds before they kinda sorta... well... if you have ever been to a graduation of any kind where the 90 year old grandma is trying to work her brand new digital camera she got as a gift at xmas last year you know what I'm talking about. But when you are supposed to be the "photographer person" at the event... you can't be messing around with trying to figure out how to get the settings right on the camera for more than a split second before people start questioning if you really know what you are doing.
I suppose since I am still a stumbling fumbling photographer this is why I'm doing pictures for friends. But... hmmm I don't know... it's just weird... today made me doubt myself a lot because... I think towards the end I got more put on the spot as being the actual photographer person and as they were giving away events and things suddenly people were posing for me and I was in front of a room full of hundreds of people taking pictures... and... I kinda sorta freaked out a little. And... yea... It was a little like suddenly you realize you aren't just a second photographer in the corner... you are the ONLY photographer documenting this! I can't be creatively messing around with the settings on the camera when I'm the only person documenting this.
I think today showed me that... I have a LOT to learn about what it means to be a photographer.
Seriously though... the whole first being outside for a few hours then inside for a few hours was tough. As I look at the photos I can see a progression where at first there's this "warm up period" of 10 photos or so... it's as though I just hadn't used my camera in a while. I find that interesting because I think it's almost like playing a show in music. So in music you soundcheck and warm up and play a song or two before you start your set. I think maybe with photography I'm seeing this same thing. I really think I need to go around and take pictures where I'm going to be taking pictures... maybe 30 minutes before hand.
Then I can kind of see good picture taking for a few hours. After a few hours it starts to get sloppy as I get tired. I guess? Not sure what's happening there. I don't know... but all I do know is when it was over... I was just tired.
So for those who photograph LONG events... like weddings or do back to back portrait type shoots all day... can I just say I don't know how you do it! AND... I wish the people being photographed just knew how hard it was to do that!
So I think for the most part I'm ok with it. But some of the photos just didn't come out as good as I had liked them to. I think I feel as though I missed a lot of opportunities as well. Like where something funny or interesting happened and I had my back turned or my camera was off to save battery. And then I was thinking about that missed photo op and it caused me to miss others!
I think that's the biggest thing with photography. Anyone can just buy a decent camera and snap shots. And anyone can sort of try to learn the photography technicals about shutter speed and aperture and ISO and all that... but the real important part of photography is the whole creative and attentiveness side. Like knowing how to coax tense subjects into being more relaxed and just being fun with it. That is definitely a talent needed. To be sort of really able to get the person in front of the camera to have fun.
So my conclusion for today is... I had a lot of fun and money was raised for a good cause and it couldn't have been done without everyone involved. So that includes all the volunteers and the organizers and the golfers and everyone who came to the post golf raffle thing.
My other conclusion is that photography for big events involving lots of people is really hard work and I really need to be more prepared the next time I volunteer to do something of that size! But I still loved it and had a lot of fun.
This was one of my tweets today. I decided to turn it into a post. The idea is that instead of typing with a keyboard and mousing with a mouse we do this stuff with our minds!
I have no idea how this would actually work as far as a technical standpoint is concerned. I just think that eventually this will become a reality. So I'm calling this now and i think it will probably come true in 5/10/20/50 years time. I think this would be super awesome and it is one of those things that I would totally LOVE to have. So here it is:
Ok... here's my idea... I think that it would be awesome to do away with the old school traditional keyboards and mice. Now, as far as computers and humans go somehow the person and the machine have to interact. What has been around for ages is input via computer keyboard/mouse and output via computer monitor. I think it might be cool to revamp the monitor as well but that might be too freakishly advanced. I couldn't imagine a computer that you just hold in your hand and you can see the screen in your mind. Although that would be pretty interesting for this post I am just focusing on the input.
Well so we have the current keyboard and mouse. These two ways of inputting information are the exact same speed and efficiency they were 5/10/20 etc. years ago... but the speed of the computer has increased exponentially in comparison. So I think that it would be sweet if we have a new keyboard and mouse that allow you to click around and type at the speed of which your mind works.
If you are like me your mind works WAY faster than you can type, or mouse. So then I end up trying to keep up with my thoughts and it's just not as good as it could be. So I think it would be sweet to have a keyless keyboard where you just place your hands on it and think about what you want to type and it reads your mind. Same with the mouse. It just jumps around to where you think you want it. Since it's just putting your hands on one device we could probably get rid of the keyboard mouse duo all-together and just have some sensor that you hold in your hand, or maybe both hands. Maybe you hold down a button or squeeze it when you are thinking and want it activated and maybe you let it go when you want to think thoughts that don't get put down on the screen? Not sure exactly but there's room to play around.
As far as real world things, I think that touch screen on tablets and phones is sort of a step in that direction. There are also speech recognition programs that can figure out what is being said and transcribe that to text. So this is kind of like that but less talky and more walky... or thinky?
Think about how this would change computing? You could type pages per minute instead of words! You could scroll and click nearly at the speed of light! or at least the speed of thought. Which is probably close to the speed of light. I wonder if anyone has ever measured the speed of thought? Well anywho that's my idea about mouseless and keyless typing and mousing and all. I think it would be fantastic because it would solve the whole carpal tunnel syndrome thing and as well it would increase how fast everyone can work! Soooooo maybe we could then have more time to play? Probably not, but it's still wishful thinking.
I think the idea is officially called Brain-computer interfacing... and here's the wikipedia article on the idea:
But that article makes it look all matrix ish and freakish... my idea is just to be some little thing you hold in your hand and it reads your brainwaves... it would be a lot more "cool" and "sleek". Well anywho as I said I'm calling it now. I think sometime soon we'll see a less "physical" input device to computers as the traditional keyboard and mouse and a more humanistic interface such as something that can read brainwaves and capture your thoughts into the PC. I wonder how that would change the world. And what if it were reverse and you could hold a book in your hand and just "know" the contents of the book in a matter of minutes because it just flows into your brain electronically via brainwaves and thoughts?!?!?! That would be super crazyness... i can't even imagine! Well, I mean I can... but... I can't. OK well who knows... But only the future will eventually reveal what new tech gadget will show up next!
For now I click and type away... type type type... clickity click clack click.
I can't seem to sleep...
so I figured I'd write a post on something I think about ALLLLLL the time... relationships... I definitely watch others in relationships and try to figure out what the secret is to making it work... and all that... but I guess I have this weird idea in my head as to how it all goes but maybe it's all wrong? I don't know but here's to me how my dream relationship would work.
First, I don't understand the question that lots of people ask... "what's the intention"... to me a relationship only has one direction... and that's to find someone who you will eventually marry and have kids with and buy a little itty bitty house with a little yard and swing set and all that. Which is another thing. I can't imagine NOT having kids... it's never even crossed my mind. I don't know... so when someone says to me that they don't want kids I'm just... confused I suppose.
But ok... so when I go on a date with someone there's only one purpose there... it's to find out if we have chemistry... if we laugh... if we enjoy the time... if we can go hours without wanting to go home. If we want to have a second date. Then we go on a second date and the point would be to go on a third and fourth and so on... to find out more about each other... then to eventually like introduce each other to friends and all that and then to basically say wow we totally are into each other... let's make this officially official on facebook. Sooo then we make it offcially official. We then are boyfriend/girlfriend for however long until we decide to move in together... then we live together for a while and then I pop the question... or maybe the living together doesn't happen until the question happens... but still for me the only direction is to eventually get married. Then we both buy a house together after the wedding... or maybe rent for a short period of time to try and save money... then we eventually have kids and we raise the kids and we just kinda do our things.
That to me is my only intention when dating ever. But... I guess that's just how I am.
I think as far as like actually being in the relationship phase of things it should be equally balanced. Like one person shouldn't have to carry the other person... either emotionally or financially. We should both kind of have overlapping interests and knowledge but then also some different. We should always be interested in each others lives and always want to know about what's going on with each other. There should definitely be this aspect of where we just care about each other a lot. And like if either of us text one another then we get a little warm feeling of fuzzy inside and can't wait to text back. Same for phone call or email or just in general. We are both just crazy about each other on an equal level. It's not one person always trying to chase the other down. I don't want either of us to be settling in any way. I want us to be each others number one choices and no matter what if we could be with anyone on the planet we would still choose each other without even a hesitation of thought.
I think that even from day one... to seriously marriage we should always be excited about going on dates. We should always both be like... "I can't wait for our dinner plans tonight!" And then we should both always want to try to find ways to make each other smile like buying little cute gifts for each other WITHOUT ever being asked. I've decided that one mistake I've been making is thinking that maybe things should be split down the center until a official relationship is reached... but I think instead I will just pay for all dates no matter what unless she like absolutely refuses to allow that. The other thing that I am going to do is bring flowers to all dates too... because I've not done that. Until she tells me to knock it off or something. haha... yea.
Hmmm... so but we should definitely be passionate and excited about "date nights" even if it's just a movie... some drinks somewhere. It doesn't have to be a big fancy dressy dinner.
I think we should just both approach the relationship from a creative view and always try to think of ways to keep it fresh and fun and interesting!
Like I said... neither person should be carrying the other entirely... it should be a equally and evenly yoked. We carry each other. We believe in each other.
The other thing is that I'd like for both of us to try and go to church together. It doesn't have to be every week... but maybe just whenever we can.
Again I think the goal in mind is for us to eventually marry, have kids, and buy a house and plan to be together no matter what till the end. To not just recite or repeat the vows... but to REALLY MEAN THEM when we say them.
My final thought I suppose is that a lot of guys who are married will say... "Well I can look but I can't touch."
NO. Absolutely not. When I am with the girl I am with... I wouldn't even have the desire to even look. NOT EVEN ONE LITTLE BIT OF A DESIRE. We are with each other. So I won't even want to look at other girls because I would know that I'm with the only girl that I want to be with for the rest of my life.
That kinda bugs me when guys do that stuff and they are married. To me it's just not respecting their lady... or honoring what the whole idea of marriage really means.
Ok well... I guess that's all I can think of. I'm sure that I'm leaving a lot out but I just think that my dream relationship would be both of us super passionate about each other and no other.
I just have to keep looking for someone else who wants something like that too. What I do know is i'm DEFINIETELY not interested in a relationship that is only about "fooling around" or "having some fun" or "not looking to be tied down"... and if the person says they don't eventually want kids/don't eventually want to live together/don't want to eventually get married/think relationships should just be about going out and having fun with a different person each week... etc. etc.... To them I'll have to respectfully ask them to move along.
I do, though, want someone who will be serious about dating, and serious about us and wanting to take things to the next level when the time is right.
Maybe I'm just being unrealistic... but... I guess... again... that's why it's just a blog post and just about a "dream" relationship.
It would just be to take back anything mean I've ever said to anyone. And I really do wish that. Sometimes I say stupid things when I'm annoyed but I don't really mean to say that stuff. I don't know. So I wish I could just make it so I never said anything mean to anyone ever. And I wish they could know that I apologize for mean things said.
I'm getting super close to finishing up a new song. I am getting pretty excited about sharing this song. It's a pretty serious song and there's a lot of emotion in it. Hmmm... so... I think... or I guess... maybe... it's been a while since I finished a song. I think perhaps I've been neglecting doing music some. I should get back to being more serious about music. I mean that is my first love as far as being creative goes and... I suppose... I do like to try out other interests... like stand up comedy. But I really should stick to music first. I should be taking it more seriously and trying to do more with it to get it out there. So... I'm going to do that.
I was going to post tonight about my idea to release a movie in theaters with no ending and then have the audience submit endings and then they make it a few months later and release the ending to theaters... or part 2 of the movie. But I decided to post this little mini blog tonight on music. I'll save the alt ending movie idea post for another evening.
But... yes... I definitely do need to try to do more with music and to kind of maybe... hmmm... start putting more into trying to make a serious jump from just having it be a side hobby thing to perhaps becoming something that is much more legitimate. I think that uploading my one song to CDBaby and then having it on iTunes was definitely a first step. But I need to play more actual shows. I need to really try to get my songs out there and I need to maybe make a real CD and kind of just start looking at it from a more serious perspective. Afterall it's what I really do love to do. Playing music, writing music, recording music, producing music. I love all that. So... I'm gonna give that a go. Try to submit my music to different places and things and such... if I get told no... or no response... hey at least I gave that effort instead of just kind of keeping things on the backburner.
So yea. Maaaaaaaaybe I just needed a reminder of that. Life is just sooooo jumbled... there's soooooo much always going on! But... no matter how hectic things get... it's still good and interesting and wonderful and I'm glad to have the abilities that I have and be blessed with the talents I'm blessed with. I think maybe though I don't put those abilities and talents to the full use that they could be put to. Sometimes I don't see that but others do and they remind me of it. And... I'm just very thankful for that reminder. So I think what I'm saying is this is just a general thanks post for those who give me encouragement on being creative but more specifically with music.
Sometimes I think... that I owe so much in thanks just... in general... it's like a debt that can never be repaid. I hope I'm making sense. Sorry my mind is kinda thinking a lot tonight... and today now marks 10 years to the day since my grandmother on my moms side passed from cancer... so that's not easy... and yea... I know what I mean to say but I'm just not sure exactly how to say it. Ok on that note i'm just going to get myself some sleep. But... I don't know... I'm just in a very thankful mood because I feel like... there is just a lot I should be very thankful for and so... I want to take what i've been given and try to use that to be more productive with it and then give back. And just create.
The phrase "Time heals all wounds" is said often. I don't know if that's true. I think that there are some wounds that time can never heal.
This is a post somewhat inspired by the tenth year anniversary of 9/11 but I've decided not to post about that. I'll say real quick that it's a tragedy whenever lives are lost and I would just like to express deep sorrow for that loss. I think this post tonight is just going to focus on forgiveness and healing. I'm going to keep this short since it is late and I should have been in bed hours ago.
As I said I don't think time heals all wounds. I think that only forgiveness and really the person can heal. I think that some wounds can never heal no matter how long the time takes. I also think that other wounds can be healed in days, or weeks, or months, or years. It all depends on the situation and the person and the event that took place. I don't really like that idea of expecting people to "get over it". I think that for some they can never get past some things that happen to them and I don't think they should be expected to.
It's really up to that individual to be able to heal on their own in the timeframe that they want. So for the people involved in 9/11 I think most that had family members lost will never fully ever be ok with today. Every year they will be reminded of their loss. I think what's important is that they have people who are there for them to help them through this day/week/month... or just to help them talk about it, or even not talk about it. Maybe just to keep their minds on something else. I don't really know honestly.
What I do know is that the loss I've had of for example my own grand parents or the loss of some classmates is always tough to think about. Even if it's been years and years it's still tough and at least for me it never gets easier.
There are other types of healing as well. For example...
When I was really young at summer camp a few kids thought it would be funny while we were making smores to roast up a few marshmellows and then take the goo and mash it into my hair... at the time I was really mad... but now it just kind of seems insignificant. If I saw those kids I'd probably be fine to grab a drink with them or even high-five them. But that's something that kids do... they play pranks on each other. So that's much easier to forgive and heal from.
I think healing is complicated and there is no right answer for anything. I definitely think though that there are some things that are so hurtful that even if the individual that caused the event apologized a thousand times there is still no resolution that the victim could feel about it. And I think that's ok. Each person has to deal with things in their own way. I mean there are also lives lost, or even sentimental personal belongings lost in natural disaster as well and hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados... etc. etc. can't really apologize. Obviously it wasn't an act of premeditated violence... it's just something that happened! But it's tough to lose someone or something that you love... it's also tough to be hurt in any way be it physically or emotionally... and I just think that again the idea of if the person waits long enough they will "get over it" is not the best way to think about a persons feelings.
Ok, I hope that all made sense. I think the last bit that I want to say was sort of the whole idea of forgiveness. I think that maybe with this whole 9/11 thing we should seek understanding and resolution and try to heal from it the best way possible, but what shouldn't happen is what I've heard some people mention today... and that's the whole well at least we got them back and killed all the people who attacked us.
Revenge is never good no matter what. If someone did you wrong it's not ok to mount an attack and do wrong back. That's not ok at all. I think at the same time there is a difference between protecting yourself and defending yourself... and being vengeful. But protection and defense should occur at the time when an attack is happening. So if someone is trying to break into your home you should definitely call the police and that sort of thing. As well if maybe someone broke into your home when you were away and you have items that were stolen... again that should be handled according to how the local/state/federal laws dictate. But you shouldn't go find that person and hunt them down and try to cause harm to them as revenge. If they have broken one of the laws then they will simply be prosecuted in accordance with that law.
Then once things have been handled in accordance with what's on the books it's the process of trying to heal from that... maybe try to forgive the person for what they did. I suppose I'm no expert on any of this and everything I've typed tonight may not be correct. But I guess as far as my personal thoughts go right now... I try to look at things the way that person sees through their eyes. I try to think about why they did what they did and try to understand? Maybe 10 years out I'll be able to understand the perspective and then forgive and heal? Maybe it will take an entire lifetime? Maybe it never happens. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to healing... maybe there isn't a right or wrong way to go about it. Maybe it's just how the individual is able to handle things in their own way.
I think maybe the best we all can do is just try to be a strong person and when we aren't allow those who are stronger than us to help. Just try to think about things and make the best decisions we can. Well I suppose I didn't end up keeping this all that short. I kind of got lost in what I was trying to say. But today has been a day of reflection for me. I think now, it's time for me to rest. Goodnight all.