Today is my mom's birthday, or when I started to write this it was. Her Birthday was on the 21st of November. She would have been 61. I went down to the Inner Harbor in Baltimore to meet my Sister and her family for some dinner at one of my mom's favorite restaurants: The Cheesecake Factory.
I haven't blogged since Halloween. I was sitting in the cafeteria at The Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania using their wifi when I wrote my last blog hoping that things would turn around with my mom's health, but they just kept getting worse. I was attempting to nibble on a small bit of food that I'd purchased, but had absolutely no appetite. It still feels like just yesterday that she died. Maybe it will always feel like that. Maybe every day that goes by will feel like just yesterday, even ten years later it will still feel like just yesterday.
I miss her a lot. I'd give anything for one more hug. Or "I love you" to her and back. Or, just to sit and talk to her.
Her service was nice, lots of people from all different parts of her life were there. I read something I wrote for her and then played a song. Some others read things, and just talked from the heart about what it was like to know her.
It's a strange world now, without her. I've taken over caring for the cats, and transitioning to it becoming my house instead of hers. I haven't really done much. Made a few lists of things that I need to fix and maintain. Taking over the bills and what not. All that stuff.
It's just an adjustment. I'm not sure what I'll do next. I know I'll stay here for a few years at least. There's no mortgage on the house and she wanted me to stay in it after she passed. I feel as though she's here sometimes. Like I can talk out to her. Sometimes I do. I just say hello and that I miss her and I love her.
There has been a lot to take care of as far as paperwork and things of that nature. Lots of signing of documents. Etc. etc. I'm the executor of her will so I'm in charge of handling her estate. It's all really a bit unreal still. Just trying to roll with it I suppose and do the best I can. I've stayed the course with my regular life. Still going to yoga and the gym and hanging out with friends. Work, home, sleep.
I imagine my life will continue to change going forward. I imagine that a year or two from now I'll probably be in a dramatically different place in life. But I'll just let life take me where it does and just try to go with it. We'll see. I just know that I'll have my mom with me all the time now to talk to and confide in whenever life gets a bit hectic. And I can always talk to her cats as well. They are very good listeners.
Today I went on a fun run with one of my friends. It was the Ugly Sweater Run. A 5K thing. I'd never done one of them before. It was really neat. I think I will probably have to do more events like this in the future. I decided to wear one of my mom's sweaters that she had. It said "Meowy Christmas" on the front with a cat in a gift box. It's more on the cute side than the ugly side... but hey I rocked it. My mom would have laughed and loved that I did that. There was another guy at the run with the same sweatshirt. We had a bro moment where we were like... Dude. Dude. Yes. YES!
Well so, I guess I just kind of hang on as my life moves into the future. We'll see how things go and where life takes me next. Like I said, for now I'm keeping lots of things the same. I supposed once my mom's estate things are settled and all that, I might then figure out where I want to go next. But for now... I just take it all day by day.