So, every now and then I log back into the dating sites. Every now and then I start messaging with someone... It goes ok. But...
It's just... Like it feels as though there's no effort. They usually respond with one word answers. Or the take FOREVER to respond. Or there's just a lack of interest. I don't know... It's just extremely frustrating. I don't get how anyone ever ends up actually married.
I try. I mean, I really give it my all when I'm trying to date someone. And everyone on the other end... They just don't put any effort in at all. How am I supposed to develop feelings for someone that approaches dating with complete apathy?
I mean, if the end result is for us to end up married and living with each other... How can we get to that if you don't even try? If you barely even take the time to respond? And when you do respond... You respond with half a sentence. I take my time to describe things. I take my time to ask questions to move the conversation along...
You (all of the girls on dating sites) don't even try. You don't initiate a text message... You just sit and wait for me to ask you stuff.
You give me no detail. How is your day just "good"? That's it? What do you mean by good? What did you do? What was something interesting that happened to you? Are you looking forward to anything? I mean TRY. Like TRY even a little! They don't. They don't even try at all.
It's just so frustrating.
I just hate dating so much. I really hate it. I really don't understand how anyone ever gets married. I don't get it. Because it's like... No one cares anymore. No one puts any sort of effort into it AT ALL. It's just crap. And I hate it.
I just feel so defeated like I should just give up and be single for the rest of my life. I just absolutely hate dating so much.
So, I hate Taylor Swift. Yeah, I'll say it to her face if I ever meet her. I've never even met her and I hate her.
It's easy. The girl that I fell in love with... The only girl that I've ever completely and absolutely fell for... Fell for another guy.
When she did fall for him... She posted song lyrics.
Taylor Swift song lyrics.
So now anytime I hear any Taylor Swift song... I think of him. I think of how much I hate him for having whatever it took that I didn't have to get her to fall for him.
So I hate Taylor Swift. I will always hate Taylor Swift.
I suppose if I fell in love with someone to a Taylor Swift song too... That could be the only thing to change my mind. But... I don't see that ever happening.
So... Taylor Swift. I hate you. I hate you more than anything in this world, or maybe almost as more than anything in the world. You're second. I really hate the guy that got that girl. So, I hate you almost as much as that guy that got the girl that I fell for. Or maybe I hate you both equally.
Oh well. In any case... If I ever meet Taylor... I'd tell it to her face. I hate you. And I hate your music. Every time I hear one of your songs... I feel sick to my stomach. It's the worst feeling in the world.
Oh good. They changed the song to a non-Taylor Swift song. Anything but Taylor Swift is good for me. Because Taylor Swift music makes me sick to my stomach just like the thought of him. Just makes me sick to my stomach.
So... Today my shares in Hershey are up about 16 percent. I bought my Hershey shares ages ago. I didn't do anything special to make them go up by 16 percent. In fact... I've done nothing but hold them since the initial purchase.
I feel like a lot of life is like this. I mean... Think about the people you know? Did you specially know where to find those people? Or were you just out one night and start chatting with them because they sat beside you? I feel like a big part of life is chance.
Especially when it comes to finding love and dating. A lot of my friends are all like getting married and having babies and what not... and I'm still going on awkward first dates. It's because they got lucky and just happened to cross paths with someone early in life. I'm still waiting for that to happen. So far I've only crossed paths with one girl that really just caught my heart and really captured my attention. There was no "trying" to find her. It was just one day... All of a sudden... She was there. And obviously gone again, although it's been a long and slow decline of her leaving my life.
I feel like when I meet whoever I meet next that will really grab my heart, it will be not because I worked hard to find her... But just like today's surprise gain of 16 percent on my Hershey shares...
It will just be chance. I'll just suddenly be sitting next to her when I'm out somewhere. Or maybe we'll end up working together. Or maybe we'll just meet randomly through a mutual friend. I would say the dating sites... But I've given up hope on dating sites. I still have accounts but I barely reply.
It's just luck.
I just feel unlucky I guess. I feel like the only thing I have is the hope that I'll meet that special someone that I get excited about. That I feel that special little excited feeling that I once felt in the past for that one girl. But hopefully there will be another that will produce that same feeling.
So far it's just the opposite of luck for me when it comes to love. When it comes to Hershey stock... It's luck. Maybe that's because of all those people that are lucky that are out there buying chocolates for their sweethearts. So their luck in love is my luck in investment returns.
Well... Hopefully one day I too will be as lucky as those who are lucky to find love. I'm certainly jealous of anyone that has that.
So far my next three events and chances to meet people will be hanging out with my friend Jess when she comes back into town, going to my neighbor's play and going to the Franklin Institute Science After Hours Treasure Hunt event. Maybe the future love of my life will be at one of those events. Maybe not? But who knows. After all... There are so many people that have stories of...
"If I hadn't gone out that night, I wouldn't have met my significant other."
So... Just have to keep going out to places in hopes of becoming one of those same people.
So, the vet called early this morning... Misty wasn't doing well. She was really suffering. So I made the call with the guidance of the vet to have to put to sleep. He said that it was for the best and that it just wasn't a good situation to keep her going. She was really not doing well at all.
There are still the other three cats.
I guess it just hits pretty hard... If it were just the cat this time last year, I wouldn't be as sad... But... It's just everything.
It's kind of like well what's next?
I mean let's see... This time last year... The girl that has made my heart feel the way that no other girl I've ever met on the planet feel... Met a guy. So that sucked. I guess it only sucks for me. For her and him it's great.
Then my mom passed away in November.
And now my mom's favorite feline is gone.
I don't know. So the last 365 day stretch in my life has just been awful. I guess there are people out there in the world that are like... This last 365 day stretch has been the best of my life.
Good for them I guess. But for me it has been the worst ever.
And then even though that girl met that guy... and I kind of stopped reading her social media because it just made me feel physically sick inside... I still read my blog analytics here on this blog.
Her hits are becoming less and less frequent.
So now I'm just like... Well what's the point of even posting blogs. Every blog post I've posted on here since 2010 was for her eyes. I mean lets face it... I could care less about anyone else that reads this.
There's some recurring hits registering from Washington D.C. ... Allied Telcom Group, LLC is what it shows up as for the host... When I check the IP it comes back to i95.net or something... Which is registered to a domain hosting company in Fort Lauderdale...
The D.C. reader is new.
Whoever you are... I guess thanks for reading. I mean... Maybe you'll pick up where the other reader seems to be leaving off...
You'll pick up where she left off... so many years... so many blogs... 6 years of her moving and me tracking her moves while I blogged.
The first hits when she first started reading and I would only blog maybe once a month if that... because no one read it.
Then she changed over her internet provider at her apartment so it changed to hits from...
Then she moved in with her college friend... and her college friend's then fiancé (and then her friend got married... And then I saw her friend like, last year on OKCupid... So... I'm not sure what happened there)... Anyways then the hits showed up as Norristown, Pa...
Then she moved to her own apartment in...
Then she moved to Florida. SO they started showing up from
Then she moved again...
And then I THINK she moved again? She moves around a lot. Makes it difficult to analyze the analytics. Of course there was the time she used newipnow.com to try and hide that she was reading my blog... But I figured that one out eventually as well.
The latest hits for the last year have come from
Although I always saw hits from Plantation because of her workplace. But the newer Plantation hits didn't show her workplace as the host... Instead they showed her phone.
I don't know why she stopped using her computer to read my blog and only used her iPhone more recently...
Maybe she moved in with her boyfriend. I suppose that's possible.
And then for a while when the plantation hits stopped a couple weeks ago... I saw a bunch of hits from Phoenix... also from an iPhone... then more Planation hits...
I think she was either on vacation or some kind of work conference in Phoenix... because the plantation hits stopped exactly when the Phoenix hits started and then the Plantation hits started again when the Phoenix hits stopped.
Although the last Plantation, Fl hit was over a week ago... Last Monday... So guess she's losing interest... Or just really busy. Or who knows what is going on with her...
These are all mysteries that would be solved if we actually still talked to one another. But she made the decision to stop talking to me. Oh well. She made the decision to break up with me in the first place. It's always been completely her decision. Because my decision was... I wanted her 100 percent without a doubt no matter what. But... it takes two to tango. I guess he's got whatever it is I never had. Which makes me even more sad. Oh well... That's life.
Anyways I'd be curious to know who you are...
Washington D.C. Allied Telcom Group, LLC
It's a mystery. Mystery reader. I can't say I know anyone that works at Allie Telcom Group... So it's kind of weird to have someone that doesn't personally know me from real life be interested in what I'm blogging about. But hi anyways!
Well... anyways... I didn't get to say goodbye to Misty for me and on behalf of my mom. Makes me sad... But... just like the girl on the other end of my blog... I knew she was there all along... I knew Misty was on the other end of the phone with the vet... But I couldn't see her or talk to her...
And now it's over...
It all just makes me super sad.
I try to think maybe 6 months from now there will be lots of awesome new things in my life but... It's hard to stay optimistic when I've had the year I've had. It's just been pretty blah...
But hey... You never know... what will happen. I guess I just have to wait and see if the next 6 months or 12 months will go better than the last 12 months have.
After all before I had Misty, and before I had my longtime blog reader.... I didn't even know they existed. So things that will be in my life 1 year from now... Could be things I don't even know exist in the world at all. Just have to wait and see what comes next.
So... I got some bad news today. I'm kind of just feeling a bit on the not so great side right now.
One of my mom's 4 cats, Misty, has kidney failure. I'm super upset about it. She's at the vet right now getting fluid therapy. The vet said that she might recover for a little while but that even if she does, it's probably just going to be for a few weeks to a few months.
I'm just really upset about it.
My one friend that is cat sitting noticed that she wasn't eating and she had puked a little bit over the last day and a half or so. I told her not to chance it and just take her over to the vet. The vet did an X-ray to make sure she wasn't obstructed, which came out clear. But then further tests revealed that she had abnormal blood levels and was very dehydrated. My friend said that Misty has been drinking lots of water so I pretty much knew it was kidney as soon as that was mentioned.
I feel like she's just too young. She's 14. The average cat lives about 15. Although this cat isn't your average cat. She's funny, quirky... And she's about double the size of your normal cat. Misty loves to eat. She tries to take food from the other cats even. You can't miss her when you walk into the room. She's super sociable. She's just... Misty.
But she's more than that. She's my mom's cat. She's my mom's favorite cat. She's a piece of my mom. Sometimes at night she sits in the hallway and does this double meow thing where she goes "Meow meow?" as if she's asking a question or asking for someone. It's more like a "Mrow mrow?". Very rrrrrrowwlll... type of thing. "Mrroowwlllll???"
And then she'll flop down on the floor and just look at you.
I feel like she's saying "night night" or maybe asking for my mom. When my mom would go to bed each night she would pick up the cat and carry her up and say to her... "Go night night? Misty, come on let's go night night."
And misty would say... "Mrrowl mrrowwlll??"
It just sucks to lose her so quickly, so soon after losing my mom. And my mom had kidney failure... and here's her favorite cat also going into kidney failure. It's almost like I guess one way that I'm trying to look at it is, maybe my mom wanted her cat. That my mom missed her cat so much... She decided to pull her favorite cat over to the other side with her?
I guess? I mean, I don't know... I'm sort of feeling a bit lost and hopeless on the whole meaning of life bit at the moment. The idea of loss and taking things from my life seems to be a big theme lately...
I guess I just have to wait and see how things are tomorrow. I'm still here at camp. I might leave early to head home. I'm not sure yet. Some people have said it might be better not to be there? My one friend that is cat sitting and first noticed that Misty wasn't eating said that she can go over to be with Misty if I decide to have her put down. I'm waiting until tomorrow to see if her blood levels improve.
Part of me is just like... If Misty is nauseated or something like that, I should just go ahead with it. Apparently cats can live in kidney failure for many months by having extra fluid administered every 24 hours. I just don't think that's fair to do to the cat. I know that my mom's own quality of life on dialysis was just not really all that great at all. In a way it's like reliving having to make the life or death decisions while the life hangs in the balance. The question is when to just kind of not take anymore heroic efforts... With my mom it was more defined in her advanced directive. With the cat it's just purely up to me.
I've decided to take the first step in efforts. I'd like to be home to say goodbye to her on behalf of my mom. If a little bit of fluids can prolong her life without any pain and suffering, let's give it a shot.
At this point, money isn't an issue. It's just about trying to figure out the best possible course of action.
Misty has a twin sister Fluff. I feel like Fluff knows... They spend a lot of time together with one another. They've spent the last 14 years with one another... It just feels off not having all of the cats.
It's hard to say goodbye to a pet, but it's extra hard when it was your mom's pet... When it is just another small piece of the memory of your parent slipping away.
I just thought the cats would at least live maybe another 2 or 3 or 4 or even 8 more years before I'd lose them too. You know? It would give me time to really process. At least a year. Then maybe a year or two after my mom went I'd be ready. But here I am not even a year after I've lost my mom and now I'm about to lose her favorite cat. I'm just kind of heartbroken. But there are no guarantees in life. I've at least had the last several months with Misty... So at least I even had that. And I have the other cats for now. Curio... and Misty's sister Fluff. And Faith. Faith is only about 1 and some change now. The other cats are all 14. So they are up there in age. It's just hard to process. I woke up this morning thinking that maybe Misty just had an upset stomach and wasn't eating and now I find out that she's in kidney failure. It was like when my mom only went on the ventilator because of some fluid overload and then they took the fluids off and after a couple days she was suppose to come off the ventilator and recover... and she didn't. Then I went down to the hospital on day 3 or so of the ventilator and the doctor informed me that things were very serious and that he didn't see a way of her making it through this.
It just hits you. And you just kind of cry and sit there and don't know what to do. So that's where I am again.
I have this feeling of... Everything I care about in my life is slowly being taken from me. It just sucks. But I'm just trying to take it a day at a time and... Just let things go how they go.
Just have to see what happens.
This year at camp we've started using something called Slack in the camp office. It's pretty cool. Basically, it's like a group chat app. You could probably accomplish something similar using emails, texts, Facebook messenger, Snapchat... Etc. etc.
This is the more business-y version of those apps. It is for office chat what LinkedIn did for general social media: A more professional way to chat and share files in the office.
We've all downloaded the app for our phones in addition to having it set up on our computers. So now we can communicate with one another via our phones in a text message type of app.
I'm going to say that I haven't used it enough to really have a proper write up and discuss the features that I absolutely love and hate...
I'm not sure if, given my brief stay here at the camp, that I'll really have enough usage to do a full writeup. I do like it so far. It has come in pretty useful.
Today, for example, I was back in my cabin for a minute grabbing something and they had a computer question in the office. So they sent me a quick Slack question and my phone buzzed. Then I messaged back the answer to the question. Without Slack they would have to radio around and see if anyone knew where I was, or they would just have to wait until I got back to the office. I don't personally have a radio here at camp like I do at the college. There are only so many radios to go around. But Slack can be added to anyone with a smart phone who can download the app. Or you can simply use the website and chat from the site.
I might suggest that we try Slack out at the college and see how that goes. It has definitely caught my attention so far.
Anyways... For those who might be curious about learning more, check out their website...
Today was arrival day for the campers. It has been one hectic day! It's a long day. It's a tiring day. The campers all arrived safe and sound and were treated to a welcome show after dinner to introduce all of the things around camp and the staff band played a couple of tunes as well.
Before dinner they had a quick camp tour.
I had yet to grab ice cream down at the local ice cream stand since I've been here. So, I decided to head out and get some ice cream after dinner. Ice cream around here at camp is... Well it's like this... Once one person found out I was going to get ice cream...
It turned into a thing. So I found myself walking back from my car with a whole armful/big huge bag filled with containers/dishes full of various flavors of scooped ice cream.
Now that the arrival day and welcome show are finished camp will settle into its normal routine. Classes and actives and evening programs.
I'm only here until the 5th of July. Then I head back to the real world.
I just bought my ticket for the play that my neighbor is in/wrote. I'm excited to see that. It's on the 26th of July.
I'm starting to tell people here at camp that they are welcome to come stay at my house after camp or at any time in their travels. All my camp friends are welcome to crash at my place.
What's the phrase? Mi casa es su casa? Something like that.
Anyways. I'm sleepy, so I'm gonna go hit the hay. I'm still super full from the ice cream from the ice cream place. Ice cream always hit the spot. I feel like the ice cream has made me extra sleepy. Maybe that's not possible... But hey, you never know. I feel as though with ice cream... All things are possible.
The assistant camp director, Nicky, has a new cat. I'm kind of totally obsessed with this cat. His name is Ollie, or Oliver. I snapped a photo of him when she had him out and about. He's an indoor cat, so she has to put him on a leash to bring him outside.
Seriously... This cat is one of the most adorable cats I've ever seen. I just can't get enough of him.
I'll try to snap some more photos of him while I'm here, but so far this is the only photo I've taken of him... anyways... Here's Ollie!
Last night was something called 'Portland Night'. Good times. It was a lot of fun. It happens every year during staff week at the camp.
They charter a couple buses for the staff and take us into Portland from the small town where the camp is located.
The first stop is the mall. The buses leave here around 2 or so in the afternoon. They arrive at the mall around 3. The staff has about 2 hours to shop... Or... Alternatively, head over to On The Boarder and enjoy some happy hour margaritas.
I had a margarita since I didn't really want to do any shopping. I'm going to shop when I get home.
Margaritas turned into doing shots for some people, but I decided to just stick with my margarita. I also had a miller light. We then got back the buses and went into the Old Port section of Portland.
Old Port general goes kind of a similar path each year. Usually we start out on the upstairs back deck of Brian Boru. I had a couple beers there and enjoyed the view and nice breeze coming in off the ocean. Things start to get a little chaotic at this point as the number of drinks gets into the 2 or 3 range, or for some 4+.
We then move on to dinner. Everyone kind of splits up and goes different places. I went with some people to grab Elevation Burger. It's a fast food place that serves fresh organic grass fed free range etc. etc. etc. burgers and such. It's pretty good. Not too expensive.
From there we went to a dive bar named Rosies. They have 1 dollar drafts. We each got a dollar draft.
From Rosies we went to a place called Fore Play. This is when everyone is drunk enough to dance. Dancing takes over the whole place. It's a sports bar, so generally people don't dance. When the camp takes over... The whole place is a dance floor.
Fore Play ends with the entire group in mass exodus to another place called Oasis. Oasis sometimes has a DJ... This time they had a cover band playing outside.
More dancing and another beer.
This brings us to Bill's pizza before getting back on the bus. I had a slice of pizza and a bottle of water at the pizza place.
And that's Portland night.
I'm leaving out a lot of details of the night... But that's the basic rundown things.
Each year there's usually a slightly different twist. This year was no different. This year we were introduced to "The Book".
The Book works like this...
You start with a small notebook at the first bar. You write down anything interesting or noteworthy. Then when you get to the next bar, you read back what happened. Then The Book gets passed on to the next person. They then write down things that happen at that bar. Each time the group moves to a new bar The Book is read and handed off to the next person.
Additionally as The Book is read out people take sips of their drinks depending on who is mentioned in The Book from the previous bar. If it's something that happens to everyone then everyone drinks. If it's only something that happened to one person, that person will take a sip of their drink.
Then The Book is passed to someone new and they now keep record of notable events.
The next time I head out with a group of people to do a little bit of bar hopping, I'm going to try out creating my own book of events. Maybe minus the whole drinking game part. But I like the idea of keeping track of the nights events in a book and then reading the book as it gets written. The original idea came from one of the staff here at camp who first experienced it during a pub crawl for a bachelor party.
At the very end of the night you read back through the entire book and laugh at the funny anecdotal stories. Really, it's just an excuse to laugh at the silly things you will undoubtably do when you head out with friends to have some drinks.
All in all it was a good night.
Tonight we all went to watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off at this old time theater that is just in town. It has been restored back by an ex-counselor that lives in the area/is from the area originally and purchased the theater a while back.
It's pretty neat. They have a whole bunch of the original projection equipment in the building and the seats are all original as well. Very neat stuff for sure.
Definitely a fun experience. The movie as well is a classic and pretty much never gets old... Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
It was interesting to see how times have changed... Both in relation to the movie which came out in 1986 and the theater itself which actually was built back in the 1800s as a roller skating rink, that had wood skates that they used on wood flooring (So I was told). It was then converted to a theater, I'm guessing some sort of vaudeville type theater, and then a movie theater. I'm not sure when, but perhaps it was converted over in the 20s or 30s.
One of the items on display in the lobby area included this super antique-y projector. I've snapped a photo of the projector and included it below.
Well... Tomorrow night is a night out in Portland. Pretty excited to head out on the town and enjoy some time with old friends and new friends grabbing a couple drinks.