We're approaching the end of October here. It's been a fun month! I love October: The month when the leaves are at their most colorful and the foliage could literally jump out of real life and on to a computer desktop background.
I actually did a lot this month. I had my birthday on the tenth. There were no plans made until about lunch time the day of; that's when I went with some friends to dive bar karaoke. I sang a few songs and had a few beers. After that we ended the night gazing into a fire at a friend of my friend's backyard fire pit. I love those. When I buy a house one day I want a fire pit in the backyard, one of those nifty stone ones, next to a patio, next to a pool, next to the kitchen for easy access to snacks. I can't promise to wait thirty minutes after swimming to eat though.
Last weekend I visited a mystery mansion for the first time ever. Went with a few friends of mine that I hang out with several times a year. We've kind of formed this core group of us that go to events regularly, or semi regularly. So far this year we've had a few parties, a couple game nights, I hosted a backyard movie in the early summer, and on Friday we'll all be going to see Newsies! I can't wait. Anyway, the mystery mansion was awesome. You were handed a clipboard (along with pen and paper) and took notes while moving from room to room of this old mansion. The actors were extremely convincing and only a couple of us had it all figured out by the end. I myself had it all wrong; had fun nonetheless. Before the mystery we had pizza and my friend Melody and her roomie made a big salad for everyone. After the mystery house another friend from the group, Curt, helped make milkshakes—pumpkin milkshakes, and they were delicious!
This week things are chill. I'm working on a new song that is—done, basically. I did a few more tiny tweaks tonight. I tend to tweak songs obsessively. I really like this next song. It's a toe tapper, and it's just so fun. I think everyone will like it a lot.
Well, that brings things to this weekend. This year on Halloween night I won't be putting on a funny or scary outfit to head out into the night wearing. Instead we're all getting dressed up snazzy ("we're" is the group) and heading out for a nice dinner, followed by a night of live theater! I feel like our group is turning into the group of friends from How I Met Your Mother, except all of us are single (and we don't live in New York City and one of us isn't Neil Patrick Harris). Also, we're missing a Lilly and Marshall. Plus, we've got more people. There are more like six to ten of us total. And sometimes people come and go in the group. Ok, so we're nothing like the HIMYM group. But I love being friends with them all and we're planning more outings together! So that's exciting. The night will start by meeting at Melody's apartment. Then we're all going to eat at nice restaurant in Ardmore. We'll follow that up by carpooling downtown to The Kimmel Center/Academy of Music to see Newsies.
I think it will be a great way to end to my favorite month.
Oh, and also today is National Cat Day! So, pet your cat and give them lots of love, or if you don't have one, pet a friend's cat. Here's a link in case you don't believe me: http://www.nationalcatday.com
Do you ever just have someone on your mind ALL the time? I mean, I'm sure we all have family members and friends on our mind a lot. But, I'm talking about that one person, that just tugs at your thoughts. And you're always asking yourself why them? I mean, why that ONE person over all the other people you've met along the way in this life so far.
I've got this one person. She's always on my mind. If she knew HOW much she was on my mind--oh, if she knew. And it's weird because I don't TRY to think about her. I just do. Like… it's almost as though our thoughts are tethered together. And believe you me, I've tried to stop thinking about her. I used to think ok, it's because I read her status updates online. So I decided at various points to stop for months, and MONTHS on end. And I would be dying. I'd be laying there at night wondering how she was doing. It's like I would just miss knowing how she was doing. That feeling when you think of a friend or family member or significant other and you go to pick up the phone and call them, or text them, but I can't do that.
You see, we had a falling out or sorts. It's my fault. I caused it. I accept all blame.
But it's just almost painful that I can't talk to her. The pull to contact her is sometimes overwhelming. And then I wonder to myself, is it the same for her? Does she even give me a second thought? Does she think about me as often as I think about her? Has she completely forgotten my existence?
Does she feel the tethered thoughts or the pull? Or is she completely unaware? See, i've come to this hypothesis that maybe she doesn't know the effect that she has on me, and possibly others. At the risk of sounding a bit crazy, just stay with me, see, I think that out of all the people on the planet, our minds sort of work like magnets to a handful very specific people. This is what makes best friends happen--or significant others, or what keeps families together.
We all have the ability to push or pull (attract) people. I don't know the exact science behind it, and obviously you have to first encounter this person, but once you do encounter them and can then think about them, sometimes the pull, or push is so great that there isn't much that can be done to stop it. So even though situations and circumstances may pull you apart and you end up far away and not talking, you'll still think about that person. because their thoughts are magnetic to yours, or your thoughts are magnetic to theirs. But only a few people are magnetically attracted to each other's thoughts. That's why we can't have close relationships with lots of people and only a handful stick.
But just like a magnet with two sides, you can either have it where they both attract, they both repel, or one attracts the other or vice versa--maybe, I haven't confirmed this yet with a scientific study.
I think in this case, we both pull towards each other, but maybe it's just that she attracts my thoughts? Either way, her mind and her thoughts are so magnetic that sometimes I just feel overcome with this need to contact her.
But I don't. Mostly because I don't want to upset her. Like I said, I caused it. I didn't mean to, but it was my fault nonetheless. In fact, this was the exact opposite of what I had hoped for. I made it impossible for us to talk, when all I wanted was, for us to talk.
Anyways as I was saying yea, I just feel like I've never met anyone in my whole life who has had such a profound draw on my thoughts. It just really feels like there's a rope tethered between our minds sometimes and she's tugging it, and always winning this tug of war.
But I feel like maybe I have tethers with other people and so does she, it's just strongest with her because of the way her mind works. I feel like her brain is running at some higher running speed than most minds (and maybe this is true, she is SUPER smart and VERY witty) and she has this ability to pull at other people (it's like her superpower or something to that effect). You can't escape it. Even if you tried. That mind of hers. It's so, alluring. I don't know.
It's an interesting concept, it's sort of based on that idea of calling your best friend and they shout into the phone when they pick up, "I WAS JUST GOING TO CALL YOU!"
I think that's the avenue that it uses. I think it's weaker and stronger between certain people. I think everyone has felt this effect before to some degree. But I just feel like I'm extra receptive and she's extra, broadcast-y or something? So I pick up her mind radio thought frequencies really loud and clear and then I have to fight the urge to pick up my phone and text her old number (I don't even know if it's the same number still, I just still have it in my phone).
Tethered thoughts. Whew, what an interesting concept. All I know is that… I can't stop thinking about her! And it's been like this for years ever since the day we met. And I don't know anymore what to make of it or do with it. I'm just stuck in this place where, we aren't talking (and we haven't in a long time really), I don't want to bother her or make her feel uncomfortable, but I miss her more than any person I've ever met on the entire planet. And I wonder if she thinks about me as often as I do her, and if she feels the pull, that craving to contact.
Or maybe it's just all in my head…
Whew, I needed to get that out. Well there you have it. A penny for my tethered thoughts.