BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

28Oct/140

Tethered Thoughts

Do you ever just have someone on your mind ALL the time?  I mean, I'm sure we all have family members and friends on our mind a lot.  But, I'm talking about that one person, that just tugs at your thoughts.  And you're always asking yourself why them?  I mean, why that ONE person over all the other people you've met along the way in this life so far.

I've got this one person.  She's always on my mind.  If she knew HOW much she was on my mind--oh, if she knew.  And it's weird because I don't TRY to think about her.  I just do.  Like… it's almost  as though our thoughts are tethered together.  And believe you me, I've tried to stop thinking about her.  I used to think ok, it's because I read her status updates online.   So I decided at various points to stop for months, and MONTHS on end.  And I would be dying.  I'd be laying there at night wondering how she was doing.  It's like I would just miss knowing how she was doing.  That feeling when you think of a friend or family member or significant other and you go to pick up the phone and call them, or text them, but I can't do that.

You see, we had a falling out or sorts.  It's my fault.  I caused it.  I accept all blame.

But it's just almost painful that I can't talk to her.  The pull to contact her is sometimes overwhelming.  And then I wonder to myself, is it the same for her?  Does she even give me a second thought?  Does she think about me as often as I think about her?  Has she completely forgotten my existence?

Does she feel the tethered thoughts or the pull?  Or is she completely unaware?  See, i've come to this hypothesis that maybe she doesn't know the effect that she has on me, and possibly others.  At the risk of sounding a bit crazy, just stay with me, see, I think that out of all the people on the planet, our minds sort of work like magnets to a handful very specific people.  This is what makes best friends happen--or significant others, or what keeps families together.

We all have the ability to push or pull (attract) people.  I don't know the exact science behind it, and obviously you have to first encounter this person, but once you do encounter them and can then think about them, sometimes the pull, or push is so great that there isn't much that can be done to stop it.  So even though situations and circumstances may pull you apart and you end up far away and not talking, you'll still think about that person.  because their thoughts are magnetic to yours, or your thoughts are magnetic to theirs.  But only a few people are magnetically attracted to each other's thoughts.  That's why we can't have close relationships with lots of people and only a handful stick.

But just like a magnet with two sides, you can either have it where they both attract, they both repel, or one attracts the other or vice versa--maybe, I haven't confirmed this yet with a scientific study.

I think in this case, we both pull towards each other, but maybe it's just that she attracts my thoughts?  Either way, her mind and her thoughts are so magnetic that sometimes I just feel overcome with this need to contact her.

But I don't.  Mostly because I don't want to upset her.  Like I said, I caused it.  I didn't mean to, but it was my fault nonetheless.  In fact, this was the exact opposite of what I had hoped for.  I made it impossible for us to talk, when all I wanted was, for us to talk.

Anyways as I was saying yea, I just feel like I've never met anyone in my whole life who has had such a profound draw on my thoughts.  It just really feels like there's a rope tethered between our minds sometimes and she's tugging it, and always winning this tug of war.

But I feel like maybe I have tethers with other people and so does she, it's just strongest with her because of the way her mind works.  I feel like her brain is running at some higher running speed than most minds (and maybe this is true, she is SUPER smart and VERY witty) and she has this ability to pull at other people (it's like her superpower or something to that effect).  You can't escape it.  Even if you tried.  That mind of hers.  It's so, alluring.  I don't know.

It's an interesting concept, it's sort of based on that idea of calling your best friend and they shout into the phone when they pick up, "I WAS JUST GOING TO CALL YOU!"

I think that's the avenue that it uses.  I think it's weaker and stronger between certain people.  I think everyone has felt this effect before to some degree.  But I just feel like I'm extra receptive and she's extra, broadcast-y or something?  So I pick up her mind radio thought frequencies really loud and clear and then I have to fight the urge to pick up my phone and text her old number (I don't even know if it's the same number still, I just still have it in my phone).

Tethered thoughts.  Whew, what an interesting concept.  All I know is that… I can't stop thinking about her!  And it's been like this for years ever since the day we met.  And I don't know anymore what to make of it or do with it.  I'm just stuck in this place where, we aren't talking (and we haven't in a long time really), I don't want to bother her or make her feel uncomfortable, but I miss her more than any person I've ever met on the entire planet.  And I wonder if she thinks about me as often as I do her, and if she feels the pull, that craving to contact.

Or maybe it's just all in my head…

Whew, I needed to get that out.  Well there you have it.  A penny for my tethered thoughts.

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