BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

17Sep/180

A Goodbye To My Cat Marshmallow Fluff

Last night I had to rush my cat Marshmallow Fluff to the animal ER.  She wasn't doing too well.  She had to be put down unfortunately.  She was having trouble breathing and was uncomfortable.  They found a buildup of fluid in her lungs and abdomen.  The vet thinks that it was heart failure from the end stage renal disease, but she also is thinking it could have been a return of lung cancer that she had removed almost 10 years ago.  The only option really was just to put her down.  She was really struggling just to catch her breath.

She'd been kind of so so for about the last week, and then this weekend she just really wasn't doing all that great... She did manage to eat and drink on Saturday and early Sunday.  After I arrived home though from the 8K run I was in, she only ate a small amount for dinner around 6.  Then around 8 she was really just not seeming to be doing too great.  I already had a vet appointment scheduled for today at 10:30 so I was just trying to get her to eat and drink a little bit and had planned to just spend the night by her side and get her to the vet today at 10:30 in the morning.  After about two hours, around 10pm last night she started coughing and was having trouble breathing.  So I called the emergency vet ER and they told me to bring her in.  She kind of went back to a semi normal breathing after about 15 minutes of having some pretty major trouble but you could hear that she was straining to breath.  It was definitely taking effort for her to take each breath.

They did a ultrasound on her as soon as I arrived and found the fluid.  The vet at the animal hospital just really told me right away that she was in pretty serious trouble, we could have tried to drain the fluid but it was only a temporary solution because the underlying fluid issue was most likely due to her renal failure progressing or cancer and all of that causing heart failure... And given that she was 15 years old it just wasn't going to be a likely successful outcome to treat her and do tests, and to do all of that while she was very uncomfortable.  The vet urged me to just decide to take the option to let her finally rest.

I reluctantly agreed, I've just been super sad all day.  Today the primary vet called me to offer her condolences and say that given her history and such she definitely thinks it was time and that I did the right thing.  She thinks that even if we had tried to treat Fluff, it still would have only been days, or maybe weeks given the fluid build up.  Fluid build up is a very serious condition and generally indicates something really serious is going on.

Today I've just been looking back through some pictures and a couple of videos I have of her.  She was a good cat.  Fluff, or fluffernutter as my mom called her, or sometimes yow yow since her sister was ying ying.... It was because of the way she meowed that sounded almost like she was saying words.  She had a super funny purr, since she was missing half a lung it would be very loud and deep and longer than a normal purr.  She was just a cute cat.  She'd wake me up each morning by pawing at my face... She'd run around the house and hide when she needed to go into her cage to go to the vet...

That's how I knew that something was wrong, she didn't even fight going into the cage, she was just soo wobbly and sleepy.  It was just her time to go I guess.

I miss her a lot though, I keep expecting to see her around the corner or in one of her normal spots around the house.  But she's in a better place now and no longer suffering... Yesterday was just terrible, she just was struggling so hard to keep going, especially last night at the vet just trying to show that she wasn't ready to go and keep breathing, but you could just tell from the fluid in her lungs that it was hard for her.  She just wanted to sleep.  And now she's finally at rest.

She seemed to be very at peace once they gave her the medication to sedate her and then finally the rest of the meds that would stop her heart.  Before that moment she really just was trying hard just to breath.... I felt bad keeping her in my arms.  I did sit with her for about 5 minutes alone before the end, she purred a little bit as I pet her but it only lasted about 30 seconds and then she went back to just trying to keep up with her breath.

Anyway, I got to say goodbye to her and I spent a lot of the weekend with her as well, I spent most of the week tending to her getting her to eat, so I spent a lot of time with her in the last week.  She was a good cat and had a good life, she was 15, so she definitely had her fair share of lap time and pet time and all that.  Now she's at peace and with my mom and as well her sister who passed about 2 years ago.  I still have 2 more of my mom's cats to keep me company.  So, I'll just be spending a little more quality time with those two from now on.

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14Sep/180

What Can I Do To Make Your Day Better

So, yesterday I received word that my old boss passed away.  He'd been fighting brain cancer for nearly 2 years.  A lot of us were very hopeful that the outcome would be good, but, it just wasn't how things went.  It's super sad.  He was funny guy, nice, hard worker... or as he liked to put it... A mule.  He just had a ton of weird and funny phrases that he'd always say.  He was the director but he'd always insist that he was just there to "mule it".  He would insists that he had to be "in the bowels" with his "boys".  Or, usually most mornings he would say, "What's up homini?" as I walked in.  It was supposed to be the singular of homie.... Which I'm pretty sure isn't actually a thing.

Anyway, so, it's definitely very sad and he'll be missed by a lot of people.  We worked in the same office for a good 7 or maybe 8 years, 40 hours week.... Year in and year out.  So, it's definitely weird to not have him around.

One of the phrases that he'd always say when someone came to the door or picked up the phone was "What can I do to make your day better?".  That's kind of how I remember people, by their phrases that they use often.  My mom had a ton of them as well... I just think that I'll continue to recall these phrases and remember him every time I hear how he would say something in his unique funny way.

Some of the phrases really crack me up... I just think of how cool he was and I'll always remember him for sure.  It's a big loss.

I'm not really sure what else to say.  Cancer definitely sucks for sure.  He went too young... I also feel really sad for his family.  I can't imagine his wife and kid must be just devastated.

I can compare losing my mom... It's not a nice feeling.  It's just like there's a void where a bright light used to be.

Life is full of the unexpected and you never know how much time you've got on this planet.  Thing is, I think we spend too much time fighting or being sour, it's not worth it... I think a better attitude to have is "What can I do to make your day better?".

This isn't all that well written... Although, none of my posts really are... But I just kind of wanted to write something about him.  It sucks for sure that he's gone, that's all I can say... He was a pretty awesome dude and a really fun boss as well.  So, I'll always remember him.

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10Sep/180

Signs or Random Noise

It amuses me I suppose...

This last weekend was intriguing to me... It's just another one of those things that is a little bit, shall we say, unexplainable.

For all intents and purposes Thursday night was terrible.  TOTALLY terrible... But I'm fine with it now.  Is what it is... Fate of the universe and what not.  I really was so upset Thursday night though, I mean beyond upset, and jealous and everything.

Here's the thing about it all...

As EVERYONE knows, there's this Kara chick... Met her basically turn of the new year 2009/2010...

That same summer I met another Kara... At camp.  I called her Mini Kara because she's like 24 now and the other Kara is older... Which is just why I call her Mini Kara... she's just younger.

Anyway... IN some ways she reminded me of the original one, in other ways not so much.

Now, going WAY back, there's this family friend, Eddie... Eddie and my mom went to elementary school together and everything else.  He was life long friends with my mom.  Eddie's son is Dan... Dan made this movie called Dina...

So... Here goes... let's timeline this...

Thursday night happens, what happens?  Simple... Kara was stalking my Facebook as per usual, which I had no hard proof she was doing that, but I had suspicions.

She accidentally clicked the like button on a status.... Oops.  Well the cat was out of the bag.  I saw a notification on my iPhone.  You can't UN notification once you click like and Facebook says someone liked your status.

It happened... You did it... You can't undo it.  You can undo the like, sure... But it's already done.

I find out Kara is a newly wed... Jealous mostly... I mean do I STILL have feelings for her?  Who knows... I sure as hell liked her a lot though back in the day.

When you like someone, you can't un like them... You can try.... But it stays.

Anyway...

Same day I find out she's married?  Dan, yes, the Dan who's dad was Ed, my mom's best friend... Posts an instagram from Miami with his girlfriend.

They're chilling at some posh resort having a sunset dinner.

Why is that significant?

Because Kara lives in South Florida, near Miami.

So?

Ever since I met Kara every time Kara and I would start talking, Eddie would be super talkative with my mom or me and show up to hang out or take her to a baseball game or something...

When Kara and I would stop talking .... Eddie would get super busy and I wouldn't see him for a while.

In fact I hadn't really seen him much during most of the 2000s until... Kara showed up.

Weird right?

How's this one work...

In 2013, I was suppose to go to my sisters wedding... Well, A thing happened where I had a disagreement with my sister... and my mom made me leave the house for like an hour.

Kara and I stopped talking after that night...

I didn't go to my sister's wedding.  I was supposed to have been roomies with Eddie but I was so upset because Kara and I weren't talking that I skipped out on the wedding...

Eddie had a stroke early morning of the day of the wedding.

If I had been in the shared room to call 911?  Who knows... He might still be alive.

But who knows too, Dan's movie Dina mostly got made because of the connection that Dan and Dina had when his dad passed.

It's all just so coincidental.

I guess it's amusing.

The day I find out Kara is married is the day Dan is in Miami with his girlfriend posting Instagram photos of him and her having a sunset dinner.

Oh and also, I totally forgot... It was the night before Mini Kara's birthday too.

Maybe it's all just a bunch of seeing things where nothing is to be seen, but... I don't know, it seems way too coincidental if you ask me.

Have to wonder... and as well once Eddie passed away my mom's own health deteriorated very quickly.  She missed him like crazy.

The thing is... No one can know, maybe it's just the way it was all supposed to go.

I don't know really.

So here we are now in the future.

The only thing to do is just see where it all goes next.  Can't change the past obviously, if I'd gone that night Eddie could have still passed away.

If Kara and I had kept talking, then who knows how that would have played out when she finally met her now husband...

Maybe it was better that I stopped reading all her stuff in the way that I did BEFORE she met him... I don't think I could have been able to handle being friends and watching her move into the arms of another dude.  It would have driven me mad with jealousy.

No one can know for sure...

Who knows.... maybe my sister's fight leading to Kara not talking to me, leading to Eddie's passing... Leading to me no longer reading Kara's social media.... Saved me from going insane from jealousy.

I mean, Kara only even moved to Florida too because of her sister.  It's like both of our siblings were part of the reason her and I don't talk anymore.  Which I find interesting...

Who the heck knows, maybe if her and I HAD kept talking she might not have even met this dude...

And maybe Dan and his girl wouldn't be where they are either?

And maybe I wouldn't be sitting here writing blogs to no one... Hah.

Eh, what can you do... The world happens and we all are just passengers in this wild ride.

All you can do is hang on tight to see what comes next.

It's just weird how all the puzzle pieces continue to shift around us... Pushing and pulling us all in different little directions.

Her sister pulled her to Florida for PA... my sister pulled Eddie to VA for her wedding... and pulled me away from being in Eddie's room that morning when he had the stroke and upset me so much that Kara and I disconnected on Facebook...

It's a whole thing... Of course the irony of it is that she still was reading my Facebook, I just wasn't reading hers.

Anyway... I guess where I'm at now is that I'm just noting the interesting twists and turns and finding them intriguing.

The thing is, I'm sure it will happen again in the future in some way, maybe even with new or different people.  Perhaps this thing with Dan and Kara and Miami means something too....

I guess only time will tell, as the story of all our lives unfold into the future.

 

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7Sep/180

#DearFutureLove

So, I've decided to start posting future love letters to the woman I one day marry.  I haven't met her yet, so I know nothing about her, so they are kind of like pen pal letters out into the world.  Or love letters out into the world.

One of the professors at my job said that I just have to put it out there and I'll get it back.  If I say I'll never meet someone, then I never will... So she was like... Just put it out there and she'll come along.

So, I'm going to just write lots of love letters to my future love.

And then wait and see what happens.  I might even just post one a day, or maybe once a week or every other day... No idea yet.  I'll post as often as I feel like posting.

And then who knows... Perhaps one day I'll start getting love letter posts back.  Never know.  It's definitely worth a try.

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5Sep/180

Getting closer on a new tune

So, I'm getting closer on a new song.  It still needs a good amount of work... But it's getting closer for sure.  I don't yet have a timeline for when I plan to finalize it and then put it up online.

I'm hoping to have it up soon though!

I still have a whole list of things I need to fix yet.

The good news is I've started numbering mixes.  So, when I get close to being finished a song, I start numbering the mixes.  When I know that I'm not anywhere near having any kind of finished product I just basically will mix out rough mixes to listen to, but I won't actually start labeling them until I know I've got something that I eventually want to post.

Most of the time before I number them, they aren't even complete songs, it's just half a song.

Currently I'm on mix 13.  I usually will do over 100 mixes before decided I like the mix.  I mean, all I really do is just keep exporting versions and then I listen to that for a while and write down things I don't like.  What happens is the changes just become less and less, until I get to a point where I really can't think of anything else to change.

That's when I really just decide it's good to go and I put it up.

I've always wondered what the process is for professional musicians.  My guess is that collaborate with a lot of people, producers and such, and they also have people to songwrite with.  Once the basic recordings are done I'm guessing they send it off to someone else to mix and master, and then if that person doesn't like something, they have them re-record or even rewrite parts.

And then there's some final engineer who masters it and then it goes from there.

I'm obviously just one guy because... I'm not signed to some big label...

With my process I not only have to make the song and all that, I make the cover art, and I also have to take care of all the boring admin stuff of actually posting the song... That boring legal stuff too of copyrighting it.

Who knows, perhaps one day I'll have someone who can do some of that for me, or I'll have a whole team of people.  The problem is I don't really make very much from the music.  So, any costs I want to cover, I cover them with my personal income that I make outside of doing music.

Even the initial cost to buy the recording equipment is all just my personal money... It would be cool to get to the point where I can at least fund creating music from the money I make making music.

Right now, that is but a dream.

For now?  I'll continue on though jut making one song at a time and posting them when I get a chance.

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31Aug/180

Charles Barkley

So, I was out Tuesday night after Science After Hours having a burger at this place in Manayunk and Charles Barkley walks in.

At first I was like... WHOA, no way.  But as I've been telling people about it, they all seem to have a Charles Barkley story.  Apparently he's just all over the place in Philly.

He goes out a lot, and people run into him a lot.

It was certainly interesting being around a famous person.  What I found kind of neat was how he could hold a conversation and then just cut to like a photo with someone and then go right back to the conversation like nothing happened.

He's a mad multi tasker that's for sure!  Although, I'm sure that he has a lot of experience with it give that he's been famous for many decades now.

Anyway, it was cool.  My burger was fantastic too.  I really want to try all of the burgers at that bar.  They also have super cool craft hot dogs and what not.

I dig it.  One of my favorite things is just a burger and a brew.  Enjoy it slowly and hang out and eat and drink and just listen to the conversation around me.

The thing is though, I kind of do go out a lot.  Tonight I'm staying in... Since I HAVE been going out so much.

It takes energy to go out!  That's my only problem with going out a lot.  Sometimes I'm just like... ANNNND I need a nap.

So, that's what I'm doing tonight.  I'm about to make some dinner and relax and just stay in.  It's a rainy evening anyway.  Perfect for some Netflix, practice a little drums and guitar and eat food and work on mixing and editing some of my newest tunes that I'm getting closer to finishing.

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14Aug/180

Artsy Fartsy Dolly Partsy

This last week has been crazy cool and filled with lots of music and art related activities/festivities.

I went to all kinds of shows and things and drank wine and looked at art... Etc. etc.

The highlight, obviously, was the Kesha concert at Musikfest.

She covered Jolene by Dolly Parton.  It was pretty dang good.  I mean, obviously all of her set was very good.  But I always think it's interesting when really famous artists cover songs.  The choice, the style, the way they play it.  I think it says a lot.

Anyway, I really just want to go to more music festivals and shows.  I had a lot of fun.  I think in the future I'm going to try and go to more music festivals and live shows and such.  I'm just such a lover of art and music and all that.  Obviously I like making it too, but I'm also a fan of just being a spectator and taking it all in.

 

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4Aug/180

Hair and Teeth

So, lately I've been seeing the following on online dating...

"If you're wearing a hat or not smiling in your photos, I'm not interested because it means you probably don't have hair or teeth."

My thing is... I know a lot of people who are bald and married.  So obviously there are women out there who aren't THAT superficial that they won't give a guy a shot for something he has no control over.

I mean, some people lose their hair.  It's not like they CHOSE to have their hair fall out.

And then sometimes you lose a tooth.

I mean, obviously it's not ideal for people to be bald and toothless.  But the point is, that it means your moral character isn't all that great.

It means you don't care about people being genuine, you just care about them looking good.

Which means that when it comes to someone like that, I would pass on that profile.  Why?  Well, what if we got married and 10 or 20 years down the road... Physical changes occur.

What then?

All she cares about it hair and teeth.

My thing too is a lot of online dating women like tall guys.

What happens if the person is in an accident the day after you get married and is now in a wheel chair for the rest of their life.

Do you file for divorce?

Sounds silly now doesn't it?

You were in love the day of the wedding before he got in a car accident and lost his legs.

My thing is, that's just not someone I really want to be romantic with.

It's like, basically they aren't genuinely interested in me... Or love at all... They just want something that looks good.

The problem with all of that is... Well, have you ever bought anything?  Anything at all?

What happens after you bring it home?

The first scratch.

The first dent.

Then something unravels and breaks.

Things fall apart.  Nothing stays beautiful forever.  If you put your standard for being with someone into physical things...

Eventually, you won't want them anymore.

We all get old.  We all change physically.

But it just shows what kind of person she is, and why I swipe left on her.

If she's only interested in height, hair, and teeth... I'm not interested in someone who can't have the capacity to love beyond that.  To really have true feelings and emotions for a person beyond just looks.

I keep hope that somewhere out there is someone who doesn't really make those things a priority.  I never have, I never will.  To me?  It's about finding someone you just like to be around.

The physical isn't something I really care about at all.  And when you think about it, physical is so temporary but the true genuine person behind all that is what matters.

I feel like too many people get hung up on physical and not on the person on a more deeper level.

I mean for me?  I like humor, and creativity... True, but I also just like someone I feel comfortable with.  Like a good friend.

I mean, yes, I haven't even been with anyone in years... So who knows, my words aren't really worth much I guess.  I go on a good amount of dates, I have a good amount of interested here and there but... It never seems to work out to become any thing.

But I guess it's okay.  I feel like it'll happen eventually.

I'm still pretty convinced with I'm not romantically compatible with anyone in this area.  I think the one I'm supposed to be with lives possibly on the west coast.  I'd like to move somewhere in the pacific northwest for a year or two just to see... And then after that just kind of bounce around until I find a place that works and fits.

The only thing I know for sure though is, if the priority is teeth hand hair and height, she's not for me.  I'm just not interested in someone who makes that their top list items for love.

I just feel like being with someone should be much more meaningful than that.  You start a story together and share that story.  You grow together and really experience life together.

You don't just sit there and stare at one another and say how nice their teeth and hair look.  Just seems like such a silly thing to base a relationship on if you ask me.

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31Jul/180

Total Train Wreck

So this weekend was pretty much a train wreck in the single life world.  This is why I'm totally envious of married people.  They don't know the stuff us single people have to put up with.

Anyway, Saturday night I went to a party and it was like... An alright party, but then this guy who I thought was just being friendly... basically started not letting up on his friendliness.  He started following me around.  And then kind of OVERLY laughed at my jokes.

I was like... Okay. I KNOW what's going on here.

Then he like gave me an awkward "Can I give you a hug just because?"

I was like... no thanks.

He did anyway.

The line was drawn when he like kind of patted me on the back, but not in a "bro" way, it was like... Hand resting and then kind of lingering there for a second.  And then I was just like... Yeah this is totally awkward.

See my plan was just to kind of... try to avoid him as much as possible once I figured out what was going on.

I didn't want to just be like... "Sooo you know I'm straight right?"

Because how embarrassing is that for someone who's gay?

I feel like a gay person to get it wrong has to be THE most embarrassing thing ever.

Especially because other people started noticing it at the party.  Which was about the time when I was like... "Yawn!  Well, will you look  at the time!"

And I took off.

I also didn't really want the confrontation of being like... I'm not into you because I like women.  And then have to deal with an upset person being all pouting for the rest of the night.

It was a lot of pressure.

I just wanted to kind of be nice and make my exist unnoticed.

Which to me was the best way to handle it.

Of course as I was leaving he was like... "So, you should come back later and..."

I was like no.  "I won't be back later... Sorry."

He was also just really really drunk.

To be fair, the party theme was woodstock and I made the mistake of wearing a festive looking shirt.

So really it was kind of my fault I guess because maybe the shirt give him the wrong idea.  You know?

Obviously, as a guy, women don't hit on men.  So, I don't know how to play that whole body language game to show that you're not into someone.

I see it ALL the time in bars though... Which, after Saturday night, is totally a lot clearer to me now.

It's funny because I USED to think women were just being "mean" or "rude".

It must be really hard for a woman to go out to a bar or club.  I mean, so let's say you DO want to meet someone...

Just like I want to meet someone.  SO, I go out to parties that I get invited to... and then, ugh.  Here's this guy totally with the wrong idea and now I have to figure out a way to TELL him I'm not interested because I'm straight, or... Just kind of avoid him until I leave.  Because if I TELL him, he'll probably get all upset and then things get really awkward and weird and then everyone TOTALLY knows because it was embarrassing as hell because here I am a straight guy attracting a gay guy.

And then I'm like... Did I DO something to bring this on?  Did my woodstock looking party themed shirt seem to indicate a secret signal that the LGBTQ community uses to signify to one another "hey, we're a go for launch over here".

Was it my fault?

Obviously I should have just said something as SOON as I figured it all out.

But by then it was like... SOOOO embarrassing for me and now for him because he's going to be in a spot where he was trying to go for something that wasn't "go"-able.

It just wasn't a fun situation all around.

Anyway it's over now, and he went his way and I went mine.

But the experience and uncomfortableness of it, totally gave me insight into some of the circumstances that women must go through.

This brings me to Sunday... So, I went on another first date, Bumble.

Actually, it was a nice date, I mean we chatted and drank coffee, at the end of the date she was like, if you want to do something again I'm down, and then she was like, feel free to send me your number over Bumble.

SO I did that.

She hasn't responded yet.

Previously I would have maybe been like... "Hey, SOOOO... You seemed interested... on the date.... But now there's no response..."

After what happened on Saturday night, hey, if she doesn't respond, she doesn't respond.

Because maybe she wasn't interested on the date at all, and maybe she even said what she said because she was afraid of an embarrassing moment, or because if she told me she wasn't interested... I might get upset or any number of things.

Which kind of makes me think though, I mean... How many times do women just be nice to a guy just because they don't want to have to deal with the whole aftermath of being truthful.

I kind of think it happens a lot.

Which is crazy.

It must though.

I mean, obviously I felt so embarrassed and weird about just telling that guy the truth and instead I just tried to avoid him and leave the party, which I eventually just did leave.  I may have stayed longer if he wasn't there and the situation wasn't happening.

How many times have women left bars, or parties because some guy was making them uncomfortable?

Probably a lot.

My thing now is, like for example when I was trying to talk to the crush at camp...

Did she totally feel uncomfortable?

Probably.

So, when we were on the bus out on town the one night, there was a situation where she paid the tab for someone who skipped out on the bill.

I then said to her... "I'll buy you a drink at the next bar!  You're next drink is on me!"

And, you know, in my mind, it was one of two ways... It was partly just being friendly and being like... Hey, that was nice of you to pay it forward, I'm going to cover you.

But she knew that wasn't the only case.  She could tell the way I looked at her from across the room sometimes because as much as I don't want to admit it... She caught me more than once.

And of course I'd look at away and feel stupid.

I mean, I had a crush on her, and so, sure, I mean... I knew I was doing it, and in a way, I didn't want to... But I did.

So when I said it, she just kind of turned her back to me on the bus and sort of said "no you don't have to do that".

And her body language was just like... Pretty clear.

SO I mean, after that at the next place, I just avoided her.  I really just avoided her the rest of the night.  And really I kind of avoided her pretty much until the night that we crossed paths and the whole sleeping bag incident happened.

I really just tried to avoid her the rest of the time I was there.

Because I didn't want to be that person who made things awkward or embarrassing because I couldn't pick up on the signal or hint.

I mean, also, she was already with someone else, which I didn't know at the time that I offered the drink.

Anyway, so then I bought a drink at the next place for someone else...

Which, she kind of gave me a look like, she was genuinely thankful.

And that was a whole other ball of wax.

My thing with her was that I didn't think she could possibly like me.  I mean, not that I thought the crush could like me either.

Not that I think anyone at camp could like me.  I'm not there as a full summer staff member.  I'm older... Which is my initial thing.

I'm 35.

It's awkward.

Who wants to date a 30 something guy when you're in your 20s?

Especially the one girl I bought the drink for... I mean, she's like... I THINK 22.

I'm 13 years older than her.

SURE, I totally would have given her a chance and been interested in her...

But, I guess I felt weird about the age difference.

And I mean, I feel the same now about it with the crush.  But obviously I had a crush and when you're in a crush, it's blinding.

At the time it was no good.

ANWAY... To wrap up.  It's been more train wreckness.

Obviously camp was a bit of a hot mess too.

It's all a hot mess when you're single.

Because people don't just say what's on their mind.  And most of it is out of fear of how that other person will react.  Or what they are really thinking.

Just like, I didn't know what the girl I bought the drink for was thinking.  She might have just been like... "Oooh, free drink!"  Or she might have been like... "Does he like me or think I'm cute?"

To which the answer is... Yes, she is cute, and kind of dig her, yeah... And if I hadn't have had the stupid crush on the other girl, I would have probably maybe talked to her more.  C'est la vie.

I mean, that's the problem with it all.  I don't know if maybe the date I went on Sunday, she might just have not gotten my last message.

Or maybe she really wasn't interested just like I wasn't interested in the dude that was trying to make some mistaken move.

It would be SOO much easier if we could all just read each other's minds.

See married people have it all, they don't have to worry about all this nightmare.

Because in way they do read one another's minds.  They know each other really well, and they can kind of predict what each other is thinking.

When you don't know the person that well, you can't tell.

And unless you just say things you're thinking... No one can know.  Of course the problem with just saying things sometimes is people are like... "Wait WHAT?"

And then you're just like... See, I was better off just keeping that to myself.

It's just awkward in general being single.

 

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28Jul/180

8K

I signed up for an 8K.  I'm also signed up for a 5K.

I wanted to try and run a little more than 5K, but I'm definitely no where near that level, and I may never be, of running 10 or 20 or 900K races.

But I'll run an 8K.  It's an easy run I think because it's slightly different from most other runs.  It's a trail run through vineyards...

SO, I'll just be off roading it through a bunch of vines... And at the end of it I get a glass of wine!

I think it will be a lot of fun.  I still don't have real running shoes or shorts... But it's fine. I don't mind running in what I run in.  I like it.  I guess I've always just run in that so I'm used to it!

Apparently the vineyard runs are actually pretty popular.  There's a lot of beer runs... But I found a map of all the wine runs and there's a ton of those too.  If I like this run, I'll have to look into doing more!

 

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