BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West


Recurring Bar

So, last night I went out for my recurring bar night experiment.  Some notable things... One guy started asking everyone's shoe size.  It was awkward and uncomfortable.

I chatted with two people beside me about seeing The Wailers and they both had also seen The Wailers so we bonded over some Bob Marley.

One guy runs a video production company, we swapped emails because I said that I make music for fun in my free time.  He was interested to know more.  I told him it's very cheesy music.  He was like, that's okay too and he was curious to hear it some time.

I said, sure, sounds fine to me.

Lastly, there was a SUPER drunk guy dancing down the street in front of the bar as I was about to leave.

I was on my way out and I was told "Hey check this guy out!" by the bar tender and this one girl sitting at the bar.  We all kind of watched him do weird dance moves as he strolled down the street his phone in hand and the obvious source of the music he was dancing to.

I joked, maybe he's on hold and that's what he does when he's on hold?

The girl laughed and so did the bar tender.

We all talked for a few minutes and then I looked at the time, close to midnight... I needed to get home.

I left shortly after that.

We'll see what happens next week!

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Sometimes You Just Have To Stay In

The last two days I've kind of just stayed in after work.  I mean, I did enough running around this past weekend, and I have a 5K on Sunday.  Although, my legs hurt, I think I have shin splints or something.

Oh well, I might just be walking the 5K this Sunday instead of running it.

You know, the thing is, I don't mind staying in.  I actually enjoy it.  Here's my thing, it's kind of a shitty world out there to be honest.

I mean, just turn on the news... It's all filled with bad news and crazy people that are scary and scare the heck out of me.  Why even bother to go out into that mess?

I'd rather come home, do a little bit of work around the house, make food, and then lounge.

This is kind of one of the problems with dating that I've found.  I'll start a conversation on a dating site and she'll kind of start talking about her next trip.... Which is cool and all, don't get me wrong, it's great for people who like it...

But I'm more looking for like what I had in college, where we just basically hung out every night and ate pizza and watched movies.


I miss college, and dating in college.  It was just sooooooo much easier.  A "big trip" was going to the local Sheetz to get a late night snack.

THAT's the kind of relationship I want.

I don't know, there's just WAAAY too much push to globe trot.  It's just not me.  Like I said, it is for some people... Or apparently for most people, or pretty much everyone, but, I guess I just prefer to stay local.

Anyway we usually get to the point in the conversation where she really wants a guy who will travel 6+ times a year with her, Barcelona is the current conversation.  She's currently there and she's like already planning her next trip.

I guess I just am not of that caliber of a guy where I feel the need.  I'm good just throwing on some T-Shirt and Jeans and heading to the local bar for a craft beer and catching some small cover band play a couple of tunes.

I'm just not high society.  I'm just... Local guy, hang out at a dive bar with regular working class folk.

Ah, what can you do I guess....

Anyway, so, it is what it is.

That's my latest view on life, not much I can do about anything, so, I'm just along for the ride really.  Life takes control and I just let the world around me whip me to and fro in this little kayak that I'm in while I ride the rapids.

What's next?  Who knows.  Probably more shit.  There's always shit.  Life is kind of like... People being mean to you, yelling at you, hating you, telling you that you suck, never being good enough for anything or anyone... and then after like 60 to 100 ish years... You die.

That's just how it works.  It's not a fun thing, it's not a glorious thing, it's just a lot of mean people and shitty situations followed by one day croaking.

And in between, there's good beer.

So, here's to some good beer between all the shit that happens.

To be honest? I hate life, it's really not fun at all.  But what can you do you know?  You just kind of keep going one day to the next and see what other shitty situation or person life brings to you.

You can HOPE something good is around the bend, but... Hah!  Hahahaha... Don't make me laugh.  There's nothing but mean people and bad shit around every nightmarish twist and turn we call life.  People suck, the world sucks, no one every gets enough sleep, and then we all die.

Anyways, here's to that short time when you can sit between the shit and enjoy a beer before the next shitstorm comes your way and the next aggressive person trying to attack and take advantage of you and fuck with you and fuck you over, there's always someone out there, a mean person with hatred in their soul trying to take advantage, manipulate, belittle, or basically rob/cheat/steal/destroy us all, just evil people walking the planet looking for their next person to screw over and attack and force their aggression on... But what can we do, not really much at all but just let the shit fall all over your face and keep on keeping on... That's life, what a fucked up thing we were all forced into.  Just sit back, wait it out, and see which evil person tries to screw me over next.

Ah life... In the words of the band The Offspring...

"This is life
What a fucked up thing we do
What a nightmare come true
Or a playground if we choose
And I choose"
Anyway, tomorrow night I'll be heading out for a few... So I mean, I go out sometimes... Just have to keep your eye open.  Not everyone is crazy... there's a few okay people out there in the world... Just have to dodge the crazies to get to the normals.  That's really what life is all about, dodging the crazies to get to the normal ones.  Ah life.  At least there's never a dull moment I suppose.
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Pacific Northwest

I think I've definitely decided I want to move to the Pacific Northwest at some point... Seattle, Portland... Somewhere around there.  Maybe just for a year, not sure... Everyone always tells me I'd fit in there.  I figure it's worth a shot!  Why not...  If I don't like it, I can always move back to PA.

I kind of like all the little things I do around here though.  I like running club and the 5Ks that I've been running in... I like the different events and things, Science After Hours is fun.

My thing is, it'd be nice to meet someone... I don't really need like the whole wedding day thing, which would be nice, but... Just a girlfriend would work.  I go on a first date every once in a while... It goes okay... But it doesn't seem to materialize into anything.

Not that moving somewhere new would fix that, but, I figure it can't hurt since I'm already having zero luck... Anything better than zero is... Well... Better than zero.  Right?

Anyway, it's still just an idea... and I have no time frame.  I really have no time frame for anything because I'm not really sure exactly where I want to end up.  I figure... I'll just wait and see where the universe points me and in what direction.

For now I'll just hang out where I'm at.  Same old same old.

I'm kind of a boring person I suppose... But I like it that way.

Just have to find a complimenting boring other half.

So far, I've not had much luck... Although, something kind of interesting happened on Saturday... And maybe it's nothing, or maybe it means something...

Sometimes I think there's like, meaning in things happening...

So, I was at the Can Jam festival out at Sly Fox and I ran into the girl from the previous weekend.  The one who my coworker was like... "Why don't you two go to the movies together!" after I won the little movie night prize.

She was there with her boyfriend.

So, she does have a boyfriend.  But it was funny because I was like... Oh, hey... It's you, "always someone girl".  And she was like... Oh hey!

And then I was like, there still isn't someone.  And she was like... "Well, just you wait, there'll be someone soon I bet."

And then I said, "There's always someone..."

And she said... "There's always someone..."

And then she was like... "Well, anyway, I'm going to get back to hanging out with my boyfriend."

I was like... "Okay... Cool.  See ya.  Enjoy the concert!"

And she was like "Okay, you too!"

And that was that.

The concert was really fun though, I watched The Wailers... You know, the band that used to include Bob Marley... They played all the hits..  It was pretty fantastic.

I mean, life is good without someone... But it would definitely be better with someone.  I just have to keep hoping that her words eventually ring true...

There's always someone... There's always someone.

It's like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.

There's no place like home... There's no place like home...

There's always someone... Always someone.

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New Running Sneaks

So, Sunday I bought some new running shoes.  I like them a lot.  I actually made a whole day of it.... It was a rainy day.  I got up early and went and got a breakfast sandwich and coffee and did a little bit of work just organizing files in my sort folder.  I just have a general sort folder where all of my stuff goes and then I try to use my down time on weekends to get it properly renamed and labeled and put in the right place and folder.

Anyway, then I went to the running store.  I know nothing about running shoes really, which is funning given the amount of running I've done in my life.  But here I was just like, I have no clue.

Anyway, they were really helpful.  I bought a cool basic pair of shoes, nothing fancy just your average run of the mill running shoe.  So now I can run 5K runs and go to Thursday night running and maybe run a little better than I have before.

I think it's the first step in improving my running times.

We'll see!  Exciting stuff.

After that I went to Lowe's and bought a few stupid little things for home repairs and then I went to Wegmans and got food things for the week.

I had to get a big crazy size  coffee because Saturday I had a few too many beers during the day when I was volunteering.  They had this super big dinner after the golf outing was over and that sobered me up as I sat eating and drinking water.  It was a fun event, during the day I drove around with some coworkers and handed out beer and pretzels and snacks to golfers who had paid to enter the charity event.  We basically could fill up our own cups as we filled put he golfers cups.  Then that eventually ended and we all went inside the country club house place for dinner and raffle prizes.

I decided to throw 20 bucks down on the raffle and ended up winning popcorn movie night for two.  Just have to find someone to share it with now!  Or, just go to the movies twice alone... Which, hey, I'm not complaining, I'll take it.

Basically the gift basket included two reusable washable plastic giant popcorn buckets for home.  A popcorn kit with popcorn and little shakers of toppings... Assorted movie theater candies... a bottle of soda and a bottle of wine... AND, it included a movie theater gift card.

I'm thinking I might just use it all to go to the movies a couple times on my own and then make a night of Netflix with my cats.  Currently I don't really have anyone in mind to share it with even though that was the point of it.  But, maybe I'll hold off a little bit and see if there's eventually someone.

I might end up drinking the wine though.  Let's be real.  It's a red spiced wine.  It looks good.  I don't think I can hold off on that.

Anyway, so the whole charity event was to raise money for children with childhood disease and disorders.  They raised a lot of money and a lot of people had fun.  The way it works is all the things are donated and then any money that is raised is all for charity.  I think even the golf course donates the time.  And all the golfers pay to golf and all the raffle prizes were donated by people and so all the money that you pay for raffle tickets is just all into the charity.

I'm thinking of donating a prize next year.  I just have to think of what to donate.

Anyway... So, I'm excited about my new sneakers... They don't actually look all that cool or snazzy, they are just kind of plain and dull looking actually, but they are very comfortable.  Which I think is the point.  It's about improving your running time and not trying to look fantastic while you do it.  Although I guess it wouldn't hurt to look fantastic while running, but I'll worry about that down the road after I focus on just improving my running a tiny bit.

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A Goodbye To My Cat Marshmallow Fluff

Last night I had to rush my cat Marshmallow Fluff to the animal ER.  She wasn't doing too well.  She had to be put down unfortunately.  She was having trouble breathing and was uncomfortable.  They found a buildup of fluid in her lungs and abdomen.  The vet thinks that it was heart failure from the end stage renal disease, but she also is thinking it could have been a return of lung cancer that she had removed almost 10 years ago.  The only option really was just to put her down.  She was really struggling just to catch her breath.

She'd been kind of so so for about the last week, and then this weekend she just really wasn't doing all that great... She did manage to eat and drink on Saturday and early Sunday.  After I arrived home though from the 8K run I was in, she only ate a small amount for dinner around 6.  Then around 8 she was really just not seeming to be doing too great.  I already had a vet appointment scheduled for today at 10:30 so I was just trying to get her to eat and drink a little bit and had planned to just spend the night by her side and get her to the vet today at 10:30 in the morning.  After about two hours, around 10pm last night she started coughing and was having trouble breathing.  So I called the emergency vet ER and they told me to bring her in.  She kind of went back to a semi normal breathing after about 15 minutes of having some pretty major trouble but you could hear that she was straining to breath.  It was definitely taking effort for her to take each breath.

They did a ultrasound on her as soon as I arrived and found the fluid.  The vet at the animal hospital just really told me right away that she was in pretty serious trouble, we could have tried to drain the fluid but it was only a temporary solution because the underlying fluid issue was most likely due to her renal failure progressing or cancer and all of that causing heart failure... And given that she was 15 years old it just wasn't going to be a likely successful outcome to treat her and do tests, and to do all of that while she was very uncomfortable.  The vet urged me to just decide to take the option to let her finally rest.

I reluctantly agreed, I've just been super sad all day.  Today the primary vet called me to offer her condolences and say that given her history and such she definitely thinks it was time and that I did the right thing.  She thinks that even if we had tried to treat Fluff, it still would have only been days, or maybe weeks given the fluid build up.  Fluid build up is a very serious condition and generally indicates something really serious is going on.

Today I've just been looking back through some pictures and a couple of videos I have of her.  She was a good cat.  Fluff, or fluffernutter as my mom called her, or sometimes yow yow since her sister was ying ying.... It was because of the way she meowed that sounded almost like she was saying words.  She had a super funny purr, since she was missing half a lung it would be very loud and deep and longer than a normal purr.  She was just a cute cat.  She'd wake me up each morning by pawing at my face... She'd run around the house and hide when she needed to go into her cage to go to the vet...

That's how I knew that something was wrong, she didn't even fight going into the cage, she was just soo wobbly and sleepy.  It was just her time to go I guess.

I miss her a lot though, I keep expecting to see her around the corner or in one of her normal spots around the house.  But she's in a better place now and no longer suffering... Yesterday was just terrible, she just was struggling so hard to keep going, especially last night at the vet just trying to show that she wasn't ready to go and keep breathing, but you could just tell from the fluid in her lungs that it was hard for her.  She just wanted to sleep.  And now she's finally at rest.

She seemed to be very at peace once they gave her the medication to sedate her and then finally the rest of the meds that would stop her heart.  Before that moment she really just was trying hard just to breath.... I felt bad keeping her in my arms.  I did sit with her for about 5 minutes alone before the end, she purred a little bit as I pet her but it only lasted about 30 seconds and then she went back to just trying to keep up with her breath.

Anyway, I got to say goodbye to her and I spent a lot of the weekend with her as well, I spent most of the week tending to her getting her to eat, so I spent a lot of time with her in the last week.  She was a good cat and had a good life, she was 15, so she definitely had her fair share of lap time and pet time and all that.  Now she's at peace and with my mom and as well her sister who passed about 2 years ago.  I still have 2 more of my mom's cats to keep me company.  So, I'll just be spending a little more quality time with those two from now on.

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What Can I Do To Make Your Day Better

So, yesterday I received word that my old boss passed away.  He'd been fighting brain cancer for nearly 2 years.  A lot of us were very hopeful that the outcome would be good, but, it just wasn't how things went.  It's super sad.  He was funny guy, nice, hard worker... or as he liked to put it... A mule.  He just had a ton of weird and funny phrases that he'd always say.  He was the director but he'd always insist that he was just there to "mule it".  He would insists that he had to be "in the bowels" with his "boys".  Or, usually most mornings he would say, "What's up homini?" as I walked in.  It was supposed to be the singular of homie.... Which I'm pretty sure isn't actually a thing.

Anyway, so, it's definitely very sad and he'll be missed by a lot of people.  We worked in the same office for a good 7 or maybe 8 years, 40 hours week.... Year in and year out.  So, it's definitely weird to not have him around.

One of the phrases that he'd always say when someone came to the door or picked up the phone was "What can I do to make your day better?".  That's kind of how I remember people, by their phrases that they use often.  My mom had a ton of them as well... I just think that I'll continue to recall these phrases and remember him every time I hear how he would say something in his unique funny way.

Some of the phrases really crack me up... I just think of how cool he was and I'll always remember him for sure.  It's a big loss.

I'm not really sure what else to say.  Cancer definitely sucks for sure.  He went too young... I also feel really sad for his family.  I can't imagine his wife and kid must be just devastated.

I can compare losing my mom... It's not a nice feeling.  It's just like there's a void where a bright light used to be.

Life is full of the unexpected and you never know how much time you've got on this planet.  Thing is, I think we spend too much time fighting or being sour, it's not worth it... I think a better attitude to have is "What can I do to make your day better?".

This isn't all that well written... Although, none of my posts really are... But I just kind of wanted to write something about him.  It sucks for sure that he's gone, that's all I can say... He was a pretty awesome dude and a really fun boss as well.  So, I'll always remember him.

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Signs or Random Noise

It amuses me I suppose...

This last weekend was intriguing to me... It's just another one of those things that is a little bit, shall we say, unexplainable.

For all intents and purposes Thursday night was terrible.  TOTALLY terrible... But I'm fine with it now.  Is what it is... Fate of the universe and what not.  I really was so upset Thursday night though, I mean beyond upset, and jealous and everything.

Here's the thing about it all...

As EVERYONE knows, there's this Kara chick... Met her basically turn of the new year 2009/2010...

That same summer I met another Kara... At camp.  I called her Mini Kara because she's like 24 now and the other Kara is older... Which is just why I call her Mini Kara... she's just younger.

Anyway... IN some ways she reminded me of the original one, in other ways not so much.

Now, going WAY back, there's this family friend, Eddie... Eddie and my mom went to elementary school together and everything else.  He was life long friends with my mom.  Eddie's son is Dan... Dan made this movie called Dina...

So... Here goes... let's timeline this...

Thursday night happens, what happens?  Simple... Kara was stalking my Facebook as per usual, which I had no hard proof she was doing that, but I had suspicions.

She accidentally clicked the like button on a status.... Oops.  Well the cat was out of the bag.  I saw a notification on my iPhone.  You can't UN notification once you click like and Facebook says someone liked your status.

It happened... You did it... You can't undo it.  You can undo the like, sure... But it's already done.

I find out Kara is a newly wed... Jealous mostly... I mean do I STILL have feelings for her?  Who knows... I sure as hell liked her a lot though back in the day.

When you like someone, you can't un like them... You can try.... But it stays.


Same day I find out she's married?  Dan, yes, the Dan who's dad was Ed, my mom's best friend... Posts an instagram from Miami with his girlfriend.

They're chilling at some posh resort having a sunset dinner.

Why is that significant?

Because Kara lives in South Florida, near Miami.


Ever since I met Kara every time Kara and I would start talking, Eddie would be super talkative with my mom or me and show up to hang out or take her to a baseball game or something...

When Kara and I would stop talking .... Eddie would get super busy and I wouldn't see him for a while.

In fact I hadn't really seen him much during most of the 2000s until... Kara showed up.

Weird right?

How's this one work...

In 2013, I was suppose to go to my sisters wedding... Well, A thing happened where I had a disagreement with my sister... and my mom made me leave the house for like an hour.

Kara and I stopped talking after that night...

I didn't go to my sister's wedding.  I was supposed to have been roomies with Eddie but I was so upset because Kara and I weren't talking that I skipped out on the wedding...

Eddie had a stroke early morning of the day of the wedding.

If I had been in the shared room to call 911?  Who knows... He might still be alive.

But who knows too, Dan's movie Dina mostly got made because of the connection that Dan and Dina had when his dad passed.

It's all just so coincidental.

I guess it's amusing.

The day I find out Kara is married is the day Dan is in Miami with his girlfriend posting Instagram photos of him and her having a sunset dinner.

Oh and also, I totally forgot... It was the night before Mini Kara's birthday too.

Maybe it's all just a bunch of seeing things where nothing is to be seen, but... I don't know, it seems way too coincidental if you ask me.

Have to wonder... and as well once Eddie passed away my mom's own health deteriorated very quickly.  She missed him like crazy.

The thing is... No one can know, maybe it's just the way it was all supposed to go.

I don't know really.

So here we are now in the future.

The only thing to do is just see where it all goes next.  Can't change the past obviously, if I'd gone that night Eddie could have still passed away.

If Kara and I had kept talking, then who knows how that would have played out when she finally met her now husband...

Maybe it was better that I stopped reading all her stuff in the way that I did BEFORE she met him... I don't think I could have been able to handle being friends and watching her move into the arms of another dude.  It would have driven me mad with jealousy.

No one can know for sure...

Who knows.... maybe my sister's fight leading to Kara not talking to me, leading to Eddie's passing... Leading to me no longer reading Kara's social media.... Saved me from going insane from jealousy.

I mean, Kara only even moved to Florida too because of her sister.  It's like both of our siblings were part of the reason her and I don't talk anymore.  Which I find interesting...

Who the heck knows, maybe if her and I HAD kept talking she might not have even met this dude...

And maybe Dan and his girl wouldn't be where they are either?

And maybe I wouldn't be sitting here writing blogs to no one... Hah.

Eh, what can you do... The world happens and we all are just passengers in this wild ride.

All you can do is hang on tight to see what comes next.

It's just weird how all the puzzle pieces continue to shift around us... Pushing and pulling us all in different little directions.

Her sister pulled her to Florida for PA... my sister pulled Eddie to VA for her wedding... and pulled me away from being in Eddie's room that morning when he had the stroke and upset me so much that Kara and I disconnected on Facebook...

It's a whole thing... Of course the irony of it is that she still was reading my Facebook, I just wasn't reading hers.

Anyway... I guess where I'm at now is that I'm just noting the interesting twists and turns and finding them intriguing.

The thing is, I'm sure it will happen again in the future in some way, maybe even with new or different people.  Perhaps this thing with Dan and Kara and Miami means something too.... I doubt it, I think it's just seeing something there, where there isn't anything really to see.  I think it's just another chapter, come, and gone, and on to the next as everyone goes their different ways of into the sunset.

Roll credits as the story of all our lives unfold into the future.


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So, I've decided to start posting future love letters to the woman I one day marry.  I haven't met her yet, so I know nothing about her, so they are kind of like pen pal letters out into the world.  Or love letters out into the world.

One of the professors at my job said that I just have to put it out there and I'll get it back.  If I say I'll never meet someone, then I never will... So she was like... Just put it out there and she'll come along.

So, I'm going to just write lots of love letters to my future love.

And then wait and see what happens.  I might even just post one a day, or maybe once a week or every other day... No idea yet.  I'll post as often as I feel like posting.

And then who knows... Perhaps one day I'll start getting love letter posts back.  Never know.  It's definitely worth a try.

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Getting closer on a new tune

So, I'm getting closer on a new song.  It still needs a good amount of work... But it's getting closer for sure.  I don't yet have a timeline for when I plan to finalize it and then put it up online.

I'm hoping to have it up soon though!

I still have a whole list of things I need to fix yet.

The good news is I've started numbering mixes.  So, when I get close to being finished a song, I start numbering the mixes.  When I know that I'm not anywhere near having any kind of finished product I just basically will mix out rough mixes to listen to, but I won't actually start labeling them until I know I've got something that I eventually want to post.

Most of the time before I number them, they aren't even complete songs, it's just half a song.

Currently I'm on mix 13.  I usually will do over 100 mixes before decided I like the mix.  I mean, all I really do is just keep exporting versions and then I listen to that for a while and write down things I don't like.  What happens is the changes just become less and less, until I get to a point where I really can't think of anything else to change.

That's when I really just decide it's good to go and I put it up.

I've always wondered what the process is for professional musicians.  My guess is that collaborate with a lot of people, producers and such, and they also have people to songwrite with.  Once the basic recordings are done I'm guessing they send it off to someone else to mix and master, and then if that person doesn't like something, they have them re-record or even rewrite parts.

And then there's some final engineer who masters it and then it goes from there.

I'm obviously just one guy because... I'm not signed to some big label...

With my process I not only have to make the song and all that, I make the cover art, and I also have to take care of all the boring admin stuff of actually posting the song... That boring legal stuff too of copyrighting it.

Who knows, perhaps one day I'll have someone who can do some of that for me, or I'll have a whole team of people.  The problem is I don't really make very much from the music.  So, any costs I want to cover, I cover them with my personal income that I make outside of doing music.

Even the initial cost to buy the recording equipment is all just my personal money... It would be cool to get to the point where I can at least fund creating music from the money I make making music.

Right now, that is but a dream.

For now?  I'll continue on though jut making one song at a time and posting them when I get a chance.

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Charles Barkley

So, I was out Tuesday night after Science After Hours having a burger at this place in Manayunk and Charles Barkley walks in.

At first I was like... WHOA, no way.  But as I've been telling people about it, they all seem to have a Charles Barkley story.  Apparently he's just all over the place in Philly.

He goes out a lot, and people run into him a lot.

It was certainly interesting being around a famous person.  What I found kind of neat was how he could hold a conversation and then just cut to like a photo with someone and then go right back to the conversation like nothing happened.

He's a mad multi tasker that's for sure!  Although, I'm sure that he has a lot of experience with it give that he's been famous for many decades now.

Anyway, it was cool.  My burger was fantastic too.  I really want to try all of the burgers at that bar.  They also have super cool craft hot dogs and what not.

I dig it.  One of my favorite things is just a burger and a brew.  Enjoy it slowly and hang out and eat and drink and just listen to the conversation around me.

The thing is though, I kind of do go out a lot.  Tonight I'm staying in... Since I HAVE been going out so much.

It takes energy to go out!  That's my only problem with going out a lot.  Sometimes I'm just like... ANNNND I need a nap.

So, that's what I'm doing tonight.  I'm about to make some dinner and relax and just stay in.  It's a rainy evening anyway.  Perfect for some Netflix, practice a little drums and guitar and eat food and work on mixing and editing some of my newest tunes that I'm getting closer to finishing.

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