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12Sep/110

Some Thoughts on Time and Healing

The phrase "Time heals all wounds" is said often.  I don't know if that's true.  I think that there are some wounds that time can never heal.

This is a post somewhat inspired by the tenth year anniversary of 9/11 but I've decided not to post about that.  I'll say real quick that it's a tragedy whenever lives are lost and I would just like to express deep sorrow for that loss.  I think this post tonight is just going to focus on forgiveness and healing.  I'm going to keep this short since it is late and I should have been in bed hours ago.

As I said I don't think time heals all wounds.  I think that only forgiveness and really the person can heal.  I think that some wounds can never heal no matter how long the time takes.  I also think that other wounds can be healed in days, or weeks, or months, or years.  It all depends on the situation and the person and the event that took place.  I don't really like that idea of expecting people to "get over it".  I think that for some they can never get past some things that happen to them and I don't think they should be expected to.

It's really up to that individual to be able to heal on their own in the timeframe that they want.  So for the people involved in 9/11 I think most that had family members lost will never fully ever be ok with today.  Every year they will be reminded of their loss.  I think what's important is that they have people who are there for them to help them through this day/week/month... or just to help them talk about it, or even not talk about it.  Maybe just to keep their minds on something else.  I don't really know honestly.

What I do know is that the loss I've had of for example my own grand parents or the loss of some classmates is always tough to think about.  Even if it's been years and years it's still tough and at least for me it never gets easier.

There are other types of healing as well.  For example...

When I was really young at summer camp a few kids thought it would be funny while we were making smores to roast up a few marshmellows and then take the goo and mash it into my hair... at the time I was really mad... but now it just kind of seems insignificant.  If I saw those kids I'd probably be fine to grab a drink with them or even high-five them.  But that's something that kids do... they play pranks on each other.  So that's much easier to forgive and heal from.

I think healing is complicated and there is no right answer for anything.  I definitely think though that there are some things that are so hurtful that even if the individual that caused the event apologized a thousand times there is still no resolution that the victim could feel about it.  And I think that's ok.  Each person has to deal with things in their own way.  I mean there are also lives lost, or even sentimental personal belongings lost in natural disaster as well and hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados... etc. etc. can't really apologize.  Obviously it wasn't an act of premeditated violence... it's just something that happened!  But it's tough to lose someone or something that you love... it's also tough to be hurt in any way be it physically or emotionally... and I just think that again the idea of if the person waits long enough they will "get over it" is not the best way to think about a persons feelings.

Ok, I hope that all made sense.  I think the last bit that I want to say was sort of the whole idea of forgiveness.  I think that maybe with this whole 9/11 thing we should seek understanding and resolution and try to heal from it the best way possible, but what shouldn't happen is what I've heard some people mention today... and that's the whole well at least we got them back and killed all the people who attacked us.

Revenge is never good no matter what.  If someone did you wrong it's not ok to mount an attack and do wrong back.  That's not ok at all.  I think at the same time there is a difference between protecting yourself and defending yourself... and being vengeful.  But protection and defense should occur at the time when an attack is happening.  So if someone is trying to break into your home you should definitely call the police and that sort of thing.  As well if maybe someone broke into your home when you were away and you have items that were stolen... again that should be handled according to how the local/state/federal laws dictate.  But you shouldn't go find that person and hunt them down and try to cause harm to them as revenge.  If they have broken one of the laws then they will simply be prosecuted in accordance with that law.

Then once things have been handled in accordance with what's on the books it's the process of trying to heal from that... maybe try to forgive the person for what they did.  I suppose I'm no expert on any of this and everything I've typed tonight may not be correct.  But I guess as far as my personal thoughts go right now... I try to look at things the way that person sees through their eyes.  I try to think about why they did what they did and try to understand?  Maybe 10 years out I'll be able to understand the perspective and then forgive and heal?  Maybe it will take an entire lifetime?  Maybe it never happens.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that when it comes to healing... maybe there isn't a right or wrong way to go about it.  Maybe it's just how the individual is able to handle things in their own way.

I think maybe the best we all can do is just try to be a strong person and when we aren't allow those who are stronger than us to help.  Just try to think about things and make the best decisions we can.  Well I suppose I didn't end up keeping this all that short.  I kind of got lost in what I was trying to say.  But today has been a day of reflection for me.  I think now, it's time for me to rest.  Goodnight all.

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