Notepad
So, today for some reason I REALLY wanted to read Kara's online stuff. I didn't. But I WANTED to... SOOOO bad.
I don't know why today was s0 extra. Especially this afternoon. It was just like... I craved knowing what's going on. What was happening down there in Florida in her life.
But you know there's that whole... Ewwwwwwwwww... she has a boyfriend the last time I checked her stuff and there's posts about her boyfriend.
This time last year I could still take a peek and not be upset by it. Just be like... Oh okay. Well that's interesting. But then she meet this guy and it was like... Well that's not something that I can read or look at without my stomach turning inside out.
So instead, I did something else...
So basically ever since like 2010 I would read some of her various things. Usually, for example on her Twitter or Instagram, I would have searched her name. So basically it was like 5 years of typing her name into search boxes over and over again. And OVER and OVER again to check and see what kind of status update there was. And I'd be like... always looking to see what the next post was or what have you. She actually used to have this blog too and I'd pretty frequently check it for the next post.
Well the whole typing her name into stuff became second nature. I'd just be like... And I'm typing her name again and again and again and again into whatever site to see the latest.
I bookmarked stuff, but for some reason I just never used the bookmark. I don't know why, I'd always just... use the search box and type her name in.
But last summer... You know the whole stomach turning thing, and feeling like what's the point of keeping tabs on her if she's all falling in love because it just makes me crazy with jealousy...
Well, so basically what I do instead of reading her stuff over the last year is... every-time I get that super craving to click and type her name in...
I open up word or notepad and just type something in there. Sometimes, it's just her name as I would have typed it in the search. And then I just look at it for a second and then delete it. Sometimes it's a little message to her and then I delete that.
It's kind of weird I guess.
But what's my alternative?
My other thing that I do is check the weather. That's from a John Mayer song, "Check the weather wherever you are... I want to know if you can see the stars tonight..."
I checked the weather where she lives today.
Truth be told though the weather in Florida is kind of boring. It's always the same. High of 90, low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon. 100 percent humidity.
So, basically I don't do the weather checking thing all that often just because... I already know what the weather will be...
And what's the weather this week?
Today? High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.
Tomorrow? High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.
Next week? High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.
So I went back to writing her little notes in notepad... Or word. If I'm at work I use notepad. If I'm on my laptop I use Word. If I'm on my phone... It's the little notes section. And then I delete it.
I feel like I'll never stop thinking about this girl. So, whatever it is that happened today/this afternoon... I really freaking wanted to even talk to her. I wanted to find out ALL of her business. But instead I just wrote a little note... And then read it back.... And then closed it without saving it.
And then I checked the weather....
High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.
I feel like in a way the little notes are kind of like prayers or something. That's almost what it feels like... I'm writing down a prayer about her or for her.
I don't do this with anyone else. She's the only person. I know right? Yeah. Well anyways... It IS 4 something in the morning. I should probably be sleeping.
3-2-1 Rule
Never a dull moment in IT that's for sure.
So, this week we had a bit of a situation. It's mostly resolved. But things got a little tense for sure. Here's kind of a little overview...
A while back I wrote about the swiss cheese model. Not a swiss, cheese model, that's a cheese model from Switzerland... Just the swiss cheese model.
It's when there's a catastrophic failure because of a perfect storm of small events on their own that wouldn't in any one event really cause any major disruption. But put them all together? You get what happens on this planet every once in a while.
Usually it makes headline news. Usually it's all over the TV. It's always the swiss cheese model. If ONE event in that string of events had never occurred...
The event would have never happened. Nothing would have been reported in the news because nothing would have happened.
Life is about a lot of events happening in a very specific order. It's very complex.
Most of the time we want a lot of things to happen, to come together, in a specific chain of events, so that it produces something that we want to happen. This could be anything really, from a social gathering, or making a movie, or watching a movie. Or a work project, or a school project.
But from time to time lots of events come together to produce a catastrophic failure.
That's what we had this week at work.
So basically in short what happened was files on a shared network folder were encrypted by ransomware. Then of course one of the backups backed up the new encrypted files, making a restore... impossible... well, at first. This is where the 3-2-1 rule comes in.
So... How did it happen? Well, the first thing to happen was that our enterprise antivirus and anti spam solution was up for it's renewal. This happens, not every year, but the contract has a specific length time of a couple/few years, I think it's somewhere in the 3 to 5 year range but I could be wrong. The contract was sent out and received and reviewed. Some items weren't approved by the lawyers that looked it over on behalf of work. So, they requested to change the contract. Then, there was a back and forth making changes with the reseller of the antivirus and anti spam software.
While this was happening, the virus and spam software ran out of license. It went into grace period mode.
Now, because the software is in a higher price range it requires many signatures for the purchase.
One of the approval signature people went on vacation. Then another. Then the paperwork got stuck in limbo somewhere between legal and financial and back to IT and back to purchasing... And it was in some kind of waiting/holding pattern.
The grace period ran out.
In comes spam email with attachment. Doesn't get picked up by spam software.
User clicks on email and opens attachment. Attachment then runs on machine as a macro word doc... Doesn't get picked up by virus software.
So most users don't have admin rights. Some users have them temporarily to run very specific tasks. Some users have them all the time, but this is a VERY select few.
Programs can have complete access to a PC with admin rights, that's why most users should NOT have admin rights. I don't think the user had admin rights at the time. I think the attachment simply ran as a macro after asking the user to enable macros for it to run.
So it got through 2 lines of defense. The third line of defense was that the user actually clicked on the attachment. We tell users to be suspicious of attachments they don't recognize. So third line of defense is social engineering. Playing on human weakness to have the email worded so that it's something they might open. This person opened it.
Well... any shares that user had access to... became ransomware files. The program first changed local files before moving on to shares. Now, not ALL files were affected. We caught on fairly quick. But all it takes is that one or two important files.
We cleaned up the machine after taking it offline.
But what about the files? Still have to restore the files.
So the next part was when the backup ran and it copied all the files from the one share to the next. This is backup 1. It's effectively a sync. So if the first file share server goes down, there's an exact copy on a second server.
Restore from second server is no good.
Everyone is freaking out. There's a sense that those encrypted files are basically lost.
Now it's time to check the next backup. So, the next backup copies files, but doesn't delete. This file server had both the encryption files and the old ones.
From there we were able to restore. Just have to pick out the ones that aren't "good" and delete the rest. Then make new backups.
Crazy stuff. So what's 3-2-1? Well you can read more here...
http://blog.trendmicro.com/trendlabs-security-intelligence/world-backup-day-the-3-2-1-rule/
At least 3 copies. 2 different formats. 1 of them off-site.
I recommend taking it further, make one of those where no files are overwritten. It just keeps making new files but never deletes or overwrites. As it piles up, every now and then just clear out old stuff. Personally I say take one of the backups offline and move it to a new physical location, then bring a new backup online. Cycle through backups through the year so that you have a new backup device every quarter. Then you can do away with a backup after a year and reuse that device. Or just buy a new one and destroy the old one.
It's up to you. Some people still use tape, or disc media...
I mean you can use anything that stores data, network servers, cloud storage, portable hard drives, whatever.
Long story short, we survived the ransomware attack.
Well so we got our license renewed, pushed the paperwork through and restored all files.
The key to surviving a ransomware attack? Don't have live syncs. Don't have files that all replicate instantly. Have something that lags. Have multiple backups. Have versioning. Or have a backup that never replaces, it just keeps adding new anytime a change or file occurs. If a file is deleted, it's still there on the backup because it's not syncing.
Back up the backup once a week. Backup the backup backup once a month. Keep one offsite.
Because there's nothing worse than losing your data for good.
An interesting side note though, now that everything is back... Everyone is like... SOOOO overjoyed to have it back. It's interesting... So when you have something, you have it, and okay cool. Then when you might lose it, and then get it back, somehow it becomes even more prized and valuable.
It's interesting. When you thought something had the possibility of being lost and gone forever, and then you have it back. It becomes like gold.
Personally I like the totally over the top backup routine. Backup live on the fly to one drive. Then back that up nightly. Then back up the nightly one weekly. Then backup the weekly one monthly. Then backup the monthly one yearly.
Each new backup is a new drive. So that's like 6 drives. Okay, I'll admit I slack a little... I only have 4 backup devices.
It drives me nuts though how most people have things in one place.
"I have it all on this flash drive." And that's the ONLY place. No where else! So if that flash drive fails, or is lost or stolen or broken. That's it.
"I have all my photos on my phone." And that's the ONLY place. So, if your phone is... broken, lost, stolen... That's it.
"I keep it all in the cloud in one storage account." So if that account gets hacked and all the stuff is deleted. Most modern cloud storages now let you restore deleted items. Dropbox has 30 days. There is the possibility of that company going out of business or being bought.
"I have it on my laptop." All it takes is one cup of coffee knocked over in just the right way, or wrong way.
Just be mindful. Ask your IT department how they backup their servers. Make sure they run tests and test the backups.
Well... That was my week at work. Never a dull moment in IT.
Dry Erase
File this one under what would Kara do... Probably... Or maybe "Things Kara would do".
Man, I wish I could meet another girl as cool as her though to date in real life. Then I could be like... _______ is the coolest! I love ________ because of this and that and that and this... And post all these statuses about how much I love her and how awesome a girlfriend she is.
Instead it's just like... Meh... I miss that girl. I wonder what she's up to right now... And then I get annoyed with myself because I'm like whatever... She has a boyfriend, she's probably doing boyfriend things with her boyfriend. SO then I get even more like cranky and annoyed. And then I'm just like whateves, what do I care. And I say... I'm not going to think about her anymore.
And then like 5 minutes later... I think about her. And I don't know why. But there she is in my mind. And then the more I try NOT to think about her... I think about her even more.
Sometimes I'm just like, I think to myself... If I could either do one of two things,
1) Go back in time and time travel and take back any mistakes I made, which would be ideal, say all the right stuff, do all the right things....
2) Or, just change my path so that I never met her in the first place. So, we just never met. Make it so she moved to Florida without us ever linking up on the dating site. I'd still be all anti ever stepping foot in a church probably and I wouldn't have a book NEARLY completed. And, I wouldn't have tweeted over 10 thousand tweets, mostly for her to read. And I also wouldn't have written my songs "Over The Bar Scene" and "Can't Get You". And I wouldn't have ever Twitter storied, all for her to read. Although I'll admit the story tweeting is kind of fun/cool.
And... I wouldn't have gone to the Gryphon Cafe a million times over (but now I just go because it's a good space to do work)... and probably wouldn't have ever joined Longwood Gardens (not that I joined it specifically because of her, but mostly it was just, I need stuff to post about to keep her reading so I need new things to do to keep her attention... Etc. etc. But now that I've given up on keeping her attention... I'm just doing stuff to try and meet someone new I guess, or I'm just doing stuff to do stuff). Or I definitely would never never done that whole moved to Wayne thing, that was totally because of her, although I don't understand my logic as to why that was supposed to help get her to like me. I don't know...
I was just doing things because it was just me trying to figure out how to do things that this girl might like or be interested in... And of course getting frustrated when she wasn't.
But now it's just like... Oh well... I guess that's all over and done with. So now there's something else that will happen next I guess... Or someone else will come into my life. I mean there's billions of people and every day I'm meeting new people pretty much. So, there's always the possibility that right around the corner is the next Kara. The next wowza girl. That makes me go, THIS GIRL IS SO COOL!
So why was I meant to meet Kara? Who knows.
Hmmm... Oh well, life experience? I also DEFINITELY wouldn't have blogged as much as I do. I wouldn't have ever bought the camera that I bought that Sony Alpha (I really want to buy a better more professional camera some day, like a good Canon or something), that I used to make the music video for "Outlaw Lover". Or I wouldn't have written all these blogs professing my love to her.
See, THAT's what love does to someone. It makes you go crazy and do all these things... Here's what scares me... What if there IS another Kara out there? What if I meet someone new... And she captures my heart and thoughts.... And pulls me in like Kara did...
But what if she's not of the same Godly Christian based moral fiber as Kara? Then I'm screwed. I'll end up broke and broken. I guess it could have been worse... I could have ended up chasing someone else to the ends of the earth that isn't a good soul. So, hey... At least I got captivated by a genuine caring good souled person instead of like... A criminal mastermind or something...
So, this whole crossing life paths with Kara thing wasn't the worst of things that could have happened to me.
Life experience. I suppose that was the point of meeting her and her coming into my life? Just to make me do things I wouldn't normally have done. Sometimes I wonder, what if she never had moved to Florida? Why did she moved to Florida? Because of her sister, yes yes, I know she moved on her own accord and to a job that she found and applied for herself... But if her sister didn't live in Florida... Would she have ever searched for that job in that location? Would she have started visiting Florida and had conversations about even moving there at all from PA? Let's assume she was an only child... Would she have ever moved to Florida? Where would she be living right now in the world if her sister had never moved to Florida and then convinced her to also move there?
I mean, if I had a sibling living in Florida you bet I probably would have moved there. Family does influence where you live in the world. I mean, true we can live anywhere we want... But when family lives there... We're more likely to move to that place. So if her sister didn't live in Florida.. Maybe she would have never moved there. And then she would have never met that guy that is currently her boyfriend. Not that she's interested in me even if she were still single... So not that it matters I guess. I suppose it doesn't really matter at all.
I wonder if her sister moved away from Florida. Like let's say her sister moved back to NJ or out to LA or something... I wonder how that would change Kara's life in Florida.
See, why am I even thinking about this? This is the stuff that goes on in my mind.
I guess there's a million what ifs right? Life is filled with lots of... Moving places... Meeting people... and making choices based on all of that. And if we were just one minute, or one day or one month later or sooner in our choice...
We'd have a whole different life than what we have now.
I feel like life is all about who you meet in what order and at what stage in life you meet them. For example when I met Kara... We (my family) were in the thick of this legal case that I was all super angry about. That's now over. And things are basically pretty much resolving with all of that. So now people that meet me are like... seeing a different person. And of course well things are just different for me now that my mom has passed and it's all just different. Because you could meet someone when you are a kid, or meet them in college, or meet them at a work place, or in a bar, or on a dating site...
And it all changes what kind of relationship you have with them depending on where you meet them.
And then you learn more about yourself as you get older. So anyone that meets me going forward will have a much more insightful and patient person.
I guess it's all in the timing of things.
If you meet someone during a lightning storm or snow storm for example, it's going to be a different interaction than if you meet them say, on a peaceful Sunday afternoon in the shade when it's 85 degrees and you're both sipping on iced tea, or lemonade... Or iced coffee.
You're going to be like... Well this is a much better first meeting than meeting someone during the pouring rain!
Sometimes I think okay so what if I HAD never met her in the first place? How would that change things?
I almost never did. I had made up my mind in October of 2009 to propose to D. I basically had already decided to just marry her since we had history of 8 years. And she had just recently been at my house I remember we hung out and went and saw Paranormal Activity. I think it was when we were driving back from that movie that I had decided, maybe she IS the one.
So I go to text her a short while after... And she had gone to a Halloween themed wedding... That's where she met her current husband. So after I texted her, she was already going on dates with him.
If I had made up my mind just a few months earlier? Who knows. May have just married D and never re-activated my OKCupid profile. And never exchanged messages with Kara.
But life has other plans.
If I had never met her in the first place though? And assuming that D still met her husband... I PROBABLY would have just gone with the OBGYN Resident girl up in Bethlehem. When I think about all the other girls I've ever dated... She's definitely right there after Kara on my list of girls I've liked the most. Although she's married to some other guy now and they own a house... SO that ship has sailed. But the Kara ship has sailed as well. And the D ship.
Lots of ships. Sailing. All heading out to sea, little tiny dots... Just about to vanish over the horizon.
But so far besides Kara, she's the ONLY other Resident Assistant I've ever met on the dating site. OBGYN girl and photography girl. RAs are few and far between in general. But all of the girls I've dated are RAs. D, Sandy, Kara, Christine...
It's not that I TRY to only meet RAs it's just how it goes. For some reason or another all of the girls I've ever officially dated beyond first or second or a handful of dates...
Resident Assistant in college is right there on their resume.
I haven't a clue as to why that is. But it's just the theme. So, I'm looking for my next RA. I feel like that should just be question number one... Were you an RA in college? No? Okay. Stop there. No need to go any further.
What was I blogging on about? Oh... "Dry Erase".... Sorry, got off topic and was going on and on about Kara again. You know how it goes... It's because I try to have other thoughts and then I keep having her thoughts disrupt my thoughts. That's the best way to describe it.
What's the line in that one song by Lifehouse, Somebody Else's Song... "I've got someone else's thoughts in my head, I want some of my own."
That's kind of how it feels, except I don't mind her thoughts, I suppose, I don't REALLY want some of my own. I mean... you know how it is. My own thoughts keep getting disrupted by her thoughts. Or maybe not her thoughts, just thoughts about her, is how it really is. That's basically how it's gone ever since the day I met her. Kara thoughts all the time in my mind.
ANYWAYS... Sorry this girl is just like... she's ALWAYS there! Okay well... I convinced my boss to buy a dry erase board for the office. We put it on the wall today. So, I listen to all these make better better and turn up good, type podcasts.
Turn up good is a phrase that basically means, if someone is doing something awesome at work, turn that up. Encourage that behavior. And just ignore the bad behaviors. Well, don't ignore them... But if you focus on the stuff you like or the stuff that's working or that's good. They will do more of that. If you sort of don't reward the bad stuff with attention and feedback... That stuff usually drops off. Sometimes there is need to actually step in and say something, like "Knock it off!"
But sometimes if you just focus on better things, that will take over.
Anyways, the initial sentiment in the IT world for physical spaces to write things on is... "What do we need that for?" I have a computer. I have a tablet. I don't need a physical board and marker to write on. You can't click file and save on that!
It's an interesting question. You can create WAY more words on a word document and share it on a shared digital drive. And you can also create WAY more designs, and you can redesign it and you can change it millions of ways over and over...
But here's the thing. When you have unlimited, or virtually unlimited space and edits... Things get lost. They get created and created and it just fills and expands and if there's no way to manage it properly... It just becomes another bit or byte in some digital closet somewhere.
When you have a board on the wall, you only have that space on the board. You have finite written real estate.
So you have to be very careful about what you write. You have only so much space. So it just forces you to think about what's actually important to put up there.
As well when you physically have it on the wall in your workplace, and it's in a place where you see it every time you walk in, it's more "in your face" type of deal. That way you are always reminded of it. So you can put top issues right there to remind you. Or maybe a daily quote or something motivational.
So this is kind of a combination of a few ideas... One is
- Turn up the good: So write down things that are good, or projects that are working. Erase things that are not.
- Vision board: These are goals and things that you want to achieve that you keep somewhere visible and you see them every day when you walk into work. SO the idea is that...
- Visual note taking: We put some of the things up on the board and even make visual notes. So, maybe instead of words, use drawings. Some words, some drawings.
It keeps things more interesting for one. A lot of workspace/places get set in ways. Things are always the same. It gets boring/dull... Or as Kara once said... "Sounds stagnant".
So, now we have a dry erase board in the office. I put up a few things and made some little fun notes. I'm all about it.
There's also something more satisfying of crossing things of the list, or erasing them. Instead of just deleting something on a computer screen.
So to answer the age old question of, do old world technologies such as markers and marker boards have a place in digital workspaces? I think the answer is yes. What would Kara do? Probably have a dry erase board in her office.
Anyways... So here I am still thinking about her. I know I'm going to say to myself I'm not going to think about her. And then her name will just pop into my head again and I'll have her on my mind again in a short time.
I guess I just don't get it. Why her? So many other girls that I know and I've met. What is it with this girl? What is it about this girl that she's always on my mind? It's silly really. Isn't it? It's just silly. But... I don't know... Kara, you elude me, or maybe my thoughts about you do. Seriously I don't get it, out of ALL the people I've ever met on this planet... And you and I don't even talk anymore...
You consume most of the time in my mind. It's like you're constantly writing new stuff on my dry erase board of my brain... Little notes... while I'm trying to write new stuff. And then you write your stuff between the things I'm writing. So every time I try to read any of it, I just think about you.
Misty’s Ashes
Today I got a call while at work from the vet. Misty's ashes were ready to be picked up. So, I went and picked up the small wooden box that the cremation place put her in. So now she's resting peacefully next to my mom in the one room. They even put a little name plate "Misty" in gold lettering on top of the wooden box.
It's just where I'll leave her for now. Right next to my mom. She was my mom's favorite little kitty. My mom loved her cats. Or sometimes she called them critters. Feed the critters. She commonly ask me if I could feed the critters, usually while she was in the hospital.
The other three critters are still roaming the house.
Tonight I made a salmon filet and rice with steamed veggies for dinner. One of my favorite meals. Just feels super nutritious and it's delicious. So I'm all about it. I moved a few things around to try and figure out what I want to do with the new TV boxes. I really want to have a bigger TV downstairs and a smaller one upstairs. I want to start moving things out of my mom's room and turn that into a big guest room.
Then I'll have two guest rooms.
I was going to mow the rest of the lawn tonight, but, it rained. SO... that idea is shot. The grass is wet. Probably mow tomorrow night after yoga.
Wednesday night I'm going on a friend date to grab margaritas and chips and guac.
I went on a real date with this girl before and then we just decided to be friends. Well, okay so maybe I was interested and she decided that she was only interested in friends. I said, yeah that's cool.
I'm always up for friends to get chips and guac and margaritas with. Who doesn't love that?
So now I'm just going to work on a little bit of music related things. Although I NEED to activated my new card and then start the process of switching everything over in autopay and all that. Pain in the butt. Maybe I'll start that process tonight.
So anyways, I said a little goodbye to Misty and said a little something to my mom too as I put them together. Then I just got kind of sad and had to leave the room.
Well, that's another day in the life of little old me.
Taking Sides: Team Kim
So, I'm making it known that I side with Kim and Kanye.
We've already established in previous blog posts that I hate Taylor Swift, and with good reason, because the girl that stole my heart then had her heart stolen by some other guy... and... when that happened it was a Taylor Swift song that she posted lyrics to on social media.
So, I hate Taylor Swift and I hate her music... Just like I hate that guy that stole the girl's heart that stole mine.
Whatever... I hate him. And I'll say it to his face just like I'll say it to Taylor's face that I hate her. I'm allowed to hate anyone I please. So right now... It's Taylor Swift... And that guy that got the girl that I wanted.
I don't know anyone on this planet that is like... "Oh I'm TOTALLY cool with the guy that got the girl that I wanted." No one is ever cool with that. You just put up with it because that's life. You fall in love with someone and more than likely the two of you won't end up together... She'll probably end up with some other guy instead. That's how it goes.
So the next time, I just won't fall in love. I can't imagine meeting anyone that captivates my heart anywhere near as much as she did anyways... So I think I'm safe from falling in love again.
But you know who I don't hate? Kim and Kanye. And Demi Lovato and Pharrell Williams, who have also taken sides and are team Kim. So I'm taking sides in this debate and I'm team Kim...
Nothing but hate for Taylor Swift. And I'll say that to her face.
Reason 10 (Updated again)
So... reason 10. I thought of reason 10 today. But... I then immediately had a thought...
This whole reason thing would be cute... If she were my girlfriend. But she's not. She's someone else's girlfriend. So instead, it's annoying. It's dumb. It's downright creepy. Etc. etc.
Or creep town as Kara says.
So... It's not my job to give her reasons why she's awesome. That's his job. So if she wants more reasons from me... And she finds herself single again some day? I've got thousands of reasons. I'll give her reasons until end of time.
But since she's not single. I'm going to stop at 9.
Well... Anyways so that's it for reasons. If she's ever in a different place in life and he's no longer in her life... I'll pick up where I left off and then some.
But since she's got a boyfriend... That's his job. It's his job now to write her a reason every day. Every single day as long as they are together as to why he thinks she's awesome and he wants to be with her.
And the day that I meet whoever comes into my life that I end up dating... Every single day I'll give her a reason why I want to be with her and no one else on this planet.
Because if you're with someone and you can't give them a million reasons why you want to be with them. You can't give them a reason EVERY day... A reason through every season...
Maybe you shouldn't be with that person? I think that's true for all couples. You shouldn't be fighting with them. You shouldn't be complaining to them. Giving them reasons why you don't like them. Because if you give them enough reasons one of these days you'll give them reason to leave. You should just be giving them reasons why they rock your world.
Because there are BILLIONS of people on this planet. So look at that one person... Look at the person you are with... and think to yourself. I could be with ANYONE else... But I'm with THIS person. Why?
There should be lots of reasons!
You should have a MILLION reasons. You should have a BILLION reasons.
So, I gave her 9. He can give her the other 999,991 reasons out of that million, or 999,999,991 out of that billion.
Reason 10 though? And the rest of them? I'll just keep to myself. If she ever wants to know... She can always find out some day if she ever gets curious. She knows I'll always be a yes for her. I could be married to someone else... Have kids and be living with someone else... And she could just call and I'd still be a yes. It's just how it goes sometimes.
We all have that one person that no matter what has the key. They can just come back from the past and walk right back in.
So... There ya go. Reason 10, 11, 12... all through up to 100. I guess the world will never know. But that's how it goes sometimes.
I guess this post sounds kind of mean... But, it's mostly that I'm more angry at myself that I didn't have what it took to get Kara and he did. Or I'm just feeling jealous. And I don't want to feel jealous. I feel like something is wrong if I'm feeling jelous. I'm not jealous about D or Sandy and the people they are with. SO if I'm not Jealous about D or Sandy and I'm even Facebook friends with both of them... Why am I still jealous about Kara? I don't like that I am. But that's just how life is sometimes I guess.
So, anyways, I'm going to stop the reasons. Just because I think he should pick up where I left off. If he doesn't want to. Okay. That's up to him. But if he wants to... He can pick up the reasons.
Anyways... So I just think it's a better to save my reasons for someone when I start dating whoever I meet in the future one day. So Kara got 9 and she can have those 9. But I just think it's better/probably less creepy to save 100 reasons for someone that can return the 100 reasons back to me.
So there won't be 100 reasons for Kara. The might be 100 reasons some day. For some girl. But for now... the 100 reasons, in blog posts, will just have to wait.
Stay In Harmony
So, I went to a church in Media this morning. It was a more traditional church. No glitz and glam lights and magic rock band on stage. Just people singing out of hymn books. Piano accompaniment. A small church. An old building. I had a couple of people approach me. One guy was a married dude, about my age. Has kids... His wife and himself have gone there a long while.
Another guy was an older dude. We talked the most. When he introduced himself I thought he said "Stay in harmony". I said... "Okay. Sure. Yes."
He said... "No no... Stay in harmony."
"I told him it sounded like good advice."
Then he cleared up the confusion that his name was Stan.
"Ohhhhhh!"
We sat together for the service.
The service was about the 4th of July and comparing the declaration of independence to sections Matthew 5. It was interesting.
I'm thinking for next week instead of just rolling up randomly to a different place, I'm going to ask one of my friends which church they go to and just inquire about going with them, that way I won't have to explain what brought me to church today...
"It's a long story." I say, "See, it all starts with a girl I met on a dating site..."
Instead I can just be like... "I'm with this person."
Maybe I'll alternate going with people I know... and just going to new random ones.
It's fascinating though how many different churches there are. I don't know, I just find it interesting.
This one was super family based. All these little kids running about.
But Stan was friendly. We chatted for a little while after.
From there I went to 7 stones to write. I worked on a scene. Wrote about a page and sipped on an iced coffee.
After that I walked around downtown Media There was some kind of car show happening. It was pretty neat. I'm not big on cars. But some of them looked cool. I liked the ones from the 30s.
It was just nice to walk around in the sun and enjoy the day.
Now I'm eating some mac and cheese at Panera Bread. About to leave here and head home. Got a small list of items that I have to do...
I'd list everything out but it's just boring chores type of things. You know... Sunday things. I'll probably respond to the couple of responses I have waiting for me on the dating site thing...
Just got a message from someone on Bumble telling me about their lackluster date that they went on today. I feel like that's a good term. That's a new one to describe dating...
Lackluster. My love life is lackluster.
All these people my age in that church today with kids running around... And I'm just like wondering how they got something to click. How did they meet? I need to figure out where to go to have that happen for me.
I guess there's always the possibility that there just isn't someone out there for me. Who knows. The one guy today was 35... I'll probably still be single in 2 years.
Still having lackluster luck.
Oh well... I guess until I meet that one that we end up getting married... Just have to keep going on dates... Just have to keep busy. Just keep chugging along in life.
Somewhere out there is a girl... Some date out in the future is a date that we first cross paths. That we say our first hello. That we then get to know one another.... That we just start to really fall for each other. That we eventually end up in a relationship, in love. That some day... We make it all the way.
Love. It's soo elusive. For now I just have my lackluster love life. And my Panera Bread mac and cheese.
"And do you take this Panera Bread mac and cheese... To have and to hold... Forever..."
"I do."
Well, until the next post... remember... Stay in harmony.
Reason 9
I'm on reason 9. Isn't that where we're at? I believe so. Reason 9. Well... And I am hesitant to put this as a reason... Because it's not something she really does or accomplished or anything like that.... I mean, she just inherited it from her mom and dad really... It was just luck of the draw... which isn't to say there's anything wrong with that... In fact there's nothing wrong with it... there's everything right with it...
But, number 9 is... She's so fine. SOOOO fine. I mean... From head to toe, don't you know? She's the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Hands down, no one else comes close anywhere else in any city or town. I've not met another lady quite as stunning as her. Ravishing. Gorgeous. A dazzling display of dashing good looks.
Took my breath away every time I even looked at her. Every piece of her is absolutely perfectly pretty. She shines and shimmers so glimmery it almost makes me dizzy. Well not really dizzy... But vertigo, in the heart, you know? The way she blinks those green eyes, took my little heart by surprise every time. Every little piece of her so cute... her smile, so sweet, and her hair always winning and complete. Her hands, every finger and ears from helix to the lobe, match perfectly with her very cute nose. Her whole body so beautiful, each and every time I saw her, it always just got me.
Anyways... I could probably go on and on... But it's true... She's adorable, appealing, looks so winning that all the boys' hearts she's stealing.
Anoche
So last night happened because of 10 minutes. Anoche is Spanish for last night. I was just going to write 'last night' but I figured I would switch things up and use the Spanish word for last night instead of just titling this post last night.
Anyways... 10 minutes.
That's all it took. 10 minutes longer for me to get to the yoga place. If I had been there 10 minutes earlier... I would have gone to yoga instead. But I didn't go to yoga. Because I was 10 extra minutes at the Xfinity store switching my Comcast stuff over. My bill is now half what it was though, which is pretty sweet. My mom had EVERY channel on the planet. I also got a new modem because my old one kept cutting in and out and the service guy was just like "Oh yeah, that's because you've got the old modem, I'll hook you up with a new one and that will stop." So far the internet has been significantly better since I hooked it up (or he hooked me up)! It seems faster too. I still have to connect the new boxes to the TV though. I got a DVR fancy one for downstairs and just a regular little itty bitty one for upstairs.
Although maybe I wasn't 10 extra minutes at Comcast. Maybe I was 10 extra minutes at Old Navy getting a new belt. Which, by the way, I got a super good deal on a belt! It was mispriced. But they gave me the price anyways! I was like... Well you can just charge me what it's really supposed to cost. And the cashier lady was like... No no, I'll honor it. I'm like... Wow. Really? And she's like yes... It's okay.
I'm a fan of Old Navy. I like their style.
My next purchase will be a new iPhone. I'm still backing up voicemails. Just chopping away a couple a day.
Who knows... Maybe the 10 minutes came from me getting home after work and taking 10 extra minutes to eat lunch.
Wherever that 10 minutes came from... It changed my path in life for last night.
See, I was going to go to yoga, and then come home. Instead, when I got to yoga the door was locked. The door isn't usually locked. But if there's no one at the front desk they lock it so that you can leave but can't get back in.
Well instead I went on a run. I got iced tea at place in Conshohocken that I've never been. After the run I went to Conshy brewing. I hung out outside on the back deck and had a beer while chatting with these two girls that I'd actually seen ride by on their bikes while sipping my tea. We talked for a good hour. It was nice. Seriously... Just being able to talk to people in person is so much better than the whole online dating thing. Also beer makes things better.
If it weren't for alcohol... There would be a lot more single people on this planet I'm guessing. I feel like it just makes it so much easier to go somewhere and talk to strangers with alcohol. Well... Not for me. Heck. I'll talk to anyone! I'm a yapper. I'll sit there and yap your ear off. But most people are standoffish. It's hard to get people to engage in conversations when you have no history with them. But when there's booze? Well heck... People will definitely be more likely to converse with you. Yay social lubricant!
After the two girls left I was at the bar contemplating food. Then I started chatting with this guy named Gilbert. He's from Cali. We connected over the Cali connection because I'm also from Cali. He then invited me back to his table to meet his soon to be wife and some other friends. So we all sat there talking. Turns out him and his wife moved here from Cali to work for David's Bridal headquarters.... to rebrand. SO they are graphic design people. They are helping to launch some full rebranding of David's Bridal. Or something like that. I don't know the details.
They met in grad school in LA. She's from Chicago. Anyways... they live in Conshy now. Anyways so I decided to hang out with them for the night. I thought what the heck, it's Friday night. So, I went with them to a second place and we shared a bottle of wine between all of us and ordered some pizza. Then we went back to their apartment and went out by the pool to enjoy the evening. By that time there were only 4 of us. So it was myself, Gilbert and his soon to be wife Jody, and this guy Alex.
Not a bad evening. We're all supposed to hang out again.
10 minutes late to yoga.
Of course all the things I WAS going to do after yoga, I'm now going to do today... SO now my whole weekend is changed I guess. So really you could argue that my whole path in life is changed.
I enjoyed the conversation with the two girls that I was talking to first at Conshohocken Brewing but I didn't get their contact info. I gave them my Facebook and they are supposed to friend me. But I think it was one of those... "We'll call you" Type of deals. But then they don't call.
Oh well. That's why you just have to enjoy the hour of conversation and beer. Anything beyond that is a bonus. I just look at it like that.
For example... that first coffee date I had with Kara. That was all there COULD have been. She could have just said ... "Well, it was nice to meet ya." And go on her way. But then when I asked if she wanted to go get dinner and drinks... And we did that immediately after... From there on out it was all bonus.
So the fact that we even HAD any kind of anything happen for any length of time beyond just that first coffeeshop meet up. It was all just bonus.
I guess the fact that anyone even responds at all on the dating site is bonus. They could just not even respond at all.
I feel like anyone that comes into your life though at any point and stays for any length of time... It's always a bonus. After all that person could have not come into your life at all. So the fact that you just share even a word or two, or beer or two, or a handshake, or a hug... That's all bonus.
And that's how I met the new design team helping to revamp/rebrand David's Bridal corporate branding.
Tired Of Being Single
I'm just tired of being single. I'm tired of going on first dates where she'll act interested... And even say she wants to meet again... But she doesn't. Then two days later she just stops responding.
I'm tired of starting conversations where I know she's just going to ghost. I'm tired of giving out my number on dating sites where she never responds after that. Or her giving me her number... And then she never responds to the text message after that.
I'm just so tired of it all. And everyone around me is all high and mighty and smug with their... "Well I had no problem meeting someone and I'm married" attitude. It's exhausting. Dating just sucks. The girls on dating sites just suck. They are super flakey. They are mean. They aren't honest.
It's just like... If you want to feel completely and totally worthless... Sign up for a dating site. Because that's what the people on dating sites make you feel. They seem interested... And then nope. They just, without any warning... they just disappear. None of them are reliable. They aren't nice. They just suck. I don't know... none of them seem to ACTUALLY want to date. Most of them just play games and want to mess with your head and they don't actually want to honestly date. Most of them just want booty calls.
I'm just tired of all the dating crap. And I'm tired of all the people that are married being like... "Well for me it was so easy." That's nice. Well for me it's not.
Dating is hard. And it's exhausting. It just sucks the life out of you. I'm tired of getting my hopes up when they do ask for my number... But then they never respond after that. Or I'm tired of getting my hopes up when they want a second date... But then they stop responding after that.
It's just so exhausting and I'm just burned out and tired of all the dating games. Dating just sucks. It really does suck SO much.