BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

23Jul/160

Notepad

So, today for some reason I REALLY wanted to read Kara's online stuff.  I didn't.  But I WANTED to... SOOOO bad.

I don't know why today was s0 extra.  Especially this afternoon.  It was just like... I craved knowing what's going on.  What was happening down there in Florida in her life.

But you know there's that whole... Ewwwwwwwwww... she has a boyfriend the last time I checked her stuff and there's posts about her boyfriend.

This time last year I could still take a peek and not be upset by it.  Just be like... Oh okay.  Well that's interesting.  But then she meet this guy and it was like... Well that's not something that I can read or look at without my stomach turning inside out.

So instead, I did something else...

So basically ever since like 2010 I would read some of her various things.  Usually, for example on her Twitter or Instagram, I would have searched her name.  So basically it was like 5 years of typing her name into search boxes over and over again.  And OVER and OVER again to check and see what kind of status update there was.  And I'd be like... always looking to see what the next post was or what have you.  She actually used to have this blog too and I'd pretty frequently check it for the next post.

Well the whole typing her name into stuff became second nature.  I'd just be like... And I'm typing her name again and again and again and again into whatever site to see the latest.

I bookmarked stuff, but for some reason I just never used the bookmark.  I don't know why, I'd always just... use the search box and type her name in.

But last summer... You know the whole stomach turning thing, and feeling like what's the point of keeping tabs on her if she's all falling in love because it just makes me crazy with jealousy...

Well, so basically what I do instead of reading her stuff over the last year is... every-time I get that super craving to click and type her name in...

I open up word or notepad and just type something in there.  Sometimes, it's just her name as I would have typed it in the search.  And then I just look at it for a second and then delete it.  Sometimes it's a little message to her and then I delete that.

It's kind of weird I guess.

But what's my alternative?

My other thing that I do is check the weather.  That's from a John Mayer song, "Check the weather wherever you are... I want to know if you can see the stars tonight..."

I checked the weather where she lives today.

Truth be told though the weather in Florida is kind of boring.  It's always the same.  High of 90, low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon. 100 percent humidity.

So, basically I don't do the weather checking thing all that often just because... I already know what the weather will be...

And what's the weather this week?

Today?  High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.

Tomorrow?  High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.

Next week?  High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.

So I went back to writing her little notes in notepad... Or word.  If I'm at work I use notepad.  If I'm on my laptop I use Word.  If I'm on my phone... It's the little notes section.  And then I delete it.

I feel like I'll never stop thinking about this girl.  So, whatever it is that happened today/this afternoon... I really freaking wanted to even talk to her.  I wanted to find out ALL of her business.  But instead I just wrote a little note... And then read it back.... And then closed it without saving it.

And then I checked the weather....

High of 90... Low of 80... Thunderstorms in the afternoon... 100 percent humidity.

I feel like in a way the little notes are kind of like prayers or something.  That's almost what it feels like... I'm writing down a prayer about her or for her.

I don't do this with anyone else.  She's the only person.  I know right?  Yeah.  Well anyways... It IS 4 something in the morning.  I should probably be sleeping.

 

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