Do You Ever Wonder What It Would Be Like To…
...to be inside someone else's head? I mean like legit, read someone's mind? Like just see their thoughts as they think them?
Let me back up.
I feel like the thing that I hate the most... Is unknowns. You know? Maybe you don't know. Okay... Let me explain...
Things out there in the world, are happening RIGHT NOW. But you don't KNOW they are happening. Because you can't get like... Updates about them. But you know they are happening RIGHT NOW.
You just don't know the status of it. But after some time, you get an update through some sort of way.
Mail package delivery used to be like this... But then there was tracking.
I wish there were tracking for everything. So you could just log in and know. You could see where things were at. With ANYTHING. In the whole world.
Like, you could see tracking log file status updates down to every minor detail. Like... he just took a sip of coffee. He just typed an email. He just got off the phone. He just got up from his desk. He just sat back down at his desk.
The play by play if you will.
There's that whole not knowing thing that's like... Okay... SO where and when is this going to happen?
Let's say I call for a pizza. I want updates every minute...
Pizza being prepped. Pizza in oven. Pizza in box. Pizza in car for delivery.
That would rock! I'd be able to know exactly what stage my pizza was in.
I feel like what else would rock? Would be to know people's thoughts. That would rock. For example... Right now if you want to know where someone is or what they are doing or just what they are thinking or feeling... You go on their Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr... Or this blog. You can basically see what's happening in their life. You can see who they are falling in and out of love with. You can see what jobs they are working on Linked In.
But it's lacking.
It's lacking all the in between details and thoughts. All of those unknowns that are kept inside everyone's heads.
So, everyone on the planet has thoughts happening all the time right? We're all thinking and feeling things. We're all breathing in and out. We've all got people on our minds, family, friends, lovers. We've all got work on our minds. We've all got the weather on our minds... OR whatever.
But the only thing each of us get out of ALL of that stuff... is one little line of text. Or some little photo. Or whatever. It's a tiny little fraction of the whole story.
Here's an example...
I used to read my exes Twitter and Instagram and Tumblr and all that stuff religiously. For a short time when we first met she had a blog. I was glued to that stuff. Lil Miss Wisecracker. That was one of the things that caught me and made her stand out to me and really piqued my interest. Then I just fell in love with basically EVERYTHING about her. Although to be fair she would read my stuff too. So it's not as like... "stalker ish" as it sounds. It was a mutual reading of one another's stuff. It was complicated. She broke up with me and then read all my stuff... She always said it was because she wanted to keep tabs on me to make sure I was moving on. Which I basically never did because... that's what happens when you're the one getting broken up with. It's easy for someone to break up with someone and move on because... They are the one breaking up.
If you love someone and are crazy about them... You don't break up with them. That's dating 101. I'd still date her again in a heartbeat... But she's the one that didn't want me. I could be married with a family... And she could knock on the door and I'd divorce my significant other in a heartbeat. That's just how it is for some people. But everyone on this planet has that one person they would ALWAYS take back. I guess lucky for my future wife... I don't have high hopes of that scenario playing out. So... My future wife doesn't have to worry about that ex coming to the front door and stealing me away.
Anyways... I would basically refresh all her crap like 10 times an hour. It was ridiculous. I was like... I NEED MORE! I need to KNOW. I couldn't get enough. I haven't read it in some time because... seeing someone you basically love and are crazy about with some other guy (even though she broke up with you years ago) just makes you want to puke your brains out and then makes you want to go cry yourself to sleep.
So I stopped. It made me physically ill to see that she was all like... Oh look, here's my boyfriend. Blah. Ew! Gross.
Oh well... What can you do. That's life. But what I WISH I had at the time when I was reading her stuff and wondering what she was up to...
Was a way to basically see a log file of her thoughts. Like to see exactly what she was thinking or feeling in real time. That would have been amazing. Seriously... I would have just sat and read that ALL day. I'd just have it on constant refresh.
I'd be like... Oh look another. And another. And another. I want ALL of the thought updates from her!
Instead I settled for one tweet... The entire weekend. And I'd read that ONE Tweet over and over again like 50 times and wonder what it meant.
I mean, I still wonder what she's up to. But now that there's some other boy in the picture (literally, her Instagram had him in a photo with her... at least the last time I checked it did... Who knows they could have broken up... I feel like they probably didn't though. I don't know... I mean, I'd LIKE to know... Only if they broke up... If they didn't break up... I don't want to know, you know how that is... You secretly wish for them to break up.... But you know the reality is what it is... oh well) I don't want to know what she's up to.
Even though I kind of do. It's one of those situations. Still on my mind, I wonder what she's up to these days... AND here's another twist in my stomach... Oh that's right... She has a boyfriend... and a little bit of vomit just came up in my mouth. Nice. Try to stop thinking about her again.
Well anyways... When you think about someone.... You want to know what's going on in their head. You want to see a line of status updates like every 10 seconds or every minute.
So then you could basically be connected to their thoughts all the time and follow their thoughts. They don't necessarily have to know that you're watching their thoughts, just like someone can watch a someone's Facebook or Twitter and they don't know you see the updates. That would be amazing. I'd sit and read it all day. You just get constant updates from the person you are thinking about...
You'd just see....
I wish work was over so I could go home and nap before going out on the town.
I need to stand up and stretch.
Stretching feels great.
Need coffee.
Mmm this coffee is good.
Oh no, I need to write an email to so and so.
Wait, I already wrote that email... Okay awesome.
Oh, SNAP, I have a text!
Hey it's mah Seeestar... What's up sis? We still on for tonight?
She's sick and has to cancel.
Oaf. Crap. Now what am I going to do with my night?
Netflix and pizza... Don't mind if I do.
I wonder if the new season of that one show is up yet?
Oh no boss is at the door!
Hi boss. I was just working...
Oh wait, boss just wants to know if the new season of that one show is up on Netflix yet.
I love my boss. See, this is why I love my boss! She's the best.
Oh my GOSH. The one B liked my status. Ewww... Who said you could like that status? Don't frackin like that status. Oh my GOSH.... She just commented on my one photo. Seriously. Stop. This needs to stop. She needs to stop this ISH like now.
Mmmm coffee. This coffee REALLY is good. I should make sure to buy more of this.
Shoot! Boss email just came in: Hey employee, want to grab drinks after work? Do you have any plans? I wanted to discuss a personal issue with you that I was wondering your thoughts about...
Drinks after work it is...
Oh wait... I was going to nap and Netflix and pizza!
Hey boss, want to grab one drink after work? I'm feeling a little under the weather.
I just lied to my boss.
Well, it's not REALLY a lie... Sis is sick... and we hung out the other night, theoretically I could have caught what she had and already be infected but just not KNOW I'm sick.
Boss replied.... Food truck festival happening around the corner. Go to that then drinks? She wants to know. Hmmmm... Sigh... Okay.
Send back email. Sounds great!
Wow, my nails look REALLY great today.
Instagram nails.
I really take AWESOME Instagrams.
Hashtag WHAT WHAT!
Oh NO she didn't... That B just liked my IG photo. WHO SAID YOU COULD LIKE MY PHOTO!
ANGRY THOUGHTS IN HER DIRECTION
I should block her.
I don't block her.
I just don't have it in me.
I'm a good person.
I need to get back to work, I still have this one thing to work on before I gots get food truck and drinks with boss.
Oh shoot, I don't know this one item, I'm going to have to call my boss.
Boss calling.
OH SNAP! Wow, it's like we read each other's minds!
Hey boss? I actually need to ask you about this one thing...
Stop doing work and leave early and just go now to get food truck? You have to pick up something from the store for a thing tomorrow so you can't stay out late? Yes that sounds great!
YAAAAAAAAS!
I love my little life. My life is so awesome.
Catch glimpse of hair in window reflection.
SHAAAAWEEEET... My hair looks awesome today in addition to my nails! Daaaaaayum. Look at me. You go girl. Your fashion game is ON POINT today.
Instagram hair selfie.
Grab handbag.
This was a really good buy. I love this handbag. My fashion game is on point.
Turn off office light...
Guuuuurl out.
Sketchnotes!
Today I learned of something cool. They are called...
SKETCHNOTES!
Pretty cool eh?
I thought so too!
Here's one more...
Here's a link to how to get started...
https://www.smashingmagazine.com/2014/11/how-to-get-started-with-sketchnotes/
And here's a showcase of sketchnotes...
I kind of want to try this out some time. I think maybe the next time I have to take notes for something, I'll try this. My thing is, I'm a computer IT person. So, I usually take notes in word on a laptop, or in a digital tablet or phone device. For example, my usual note process is to copy something into my phone which syncs with gmail, which syncs with my laptop, which I then copy into word.
But it's all just text.
Maybe I'll buy a little paper notebook and give this sketchnotes thing a try. I need to read more about it and see exactly how it works... But it looks really cool! If you Google image the word schetchnotes there's a whole slew of examples to browse...
So I say go ahead and give it a go if it tickles your fancy. You never know, it might become your preferred method of note taking in the future.
Save Your Voicemails
That's probably the best piece of advice I could ever give. Save your voicemails. Just trust me on this one.
Today, I went to the Verizon store to finalize canceling my mom's cell. What happened was... I was keeping the line going just paying it every month. I couldn't get into the voicemails because I didn't know her passcode. I'd tried a few times over the last 6 months and nothing was right. Of course the people in the store were like, "Oh we could have just reset the passcode."
Hindsight is 20/20. Anyways, it's not too big of a deal. Her voicemails were just mostly doctors calling with appointment confirmations and some of them were me calling just saying, hey call me back to let me know what's up. There was one though on there that was a family friend who just passed on who was one of my mom's friends from California. They are about the same age. Just about 6 months apart from one another. Her son and I grew up together. I plan to make a trip out to Cali to say hello and hang out with him at some point. I told him to come visit me here in PA for sure.
You could say he was my VERY first best friend. We did all kinds of stuff together as little kids out in Cali.
Anyways, so, I initiated the port to Google Voice two nights ago. Then after that I received an email it would take about 24 hours to port. Fast forward to last night... After work on my way to yoga I tried one last password I hadn't tried yet. It worked! So, I listened to the voicemails at work. She had saved about 40 of them.
I decided okay, I'm going to record these when I get home. As soon as I get home I head upstairs and open my recording app... The voicemail couldn't connect. I then saw an email pop up... The port was successful. I basically missed it only by a short while.
Sigh. Oh well. I checked with the people at Verizon today and they said that the voicemails are unrecoverable. So all that I remember is what there is.
It would have been nice to have the voicemail. The only thing they could help me with today at the Verizon store after work was waiving the 70 dollar early termination fee. Which is nice, but the voicemails were invaluable. I don't know how their system is setup but I imagine they have to make backups in case of failure... So what's sad is that somewhere out there is a server room that contains a server farm where this data actually physically lived. All data stored anywhere on any site that you go to or any hosted service has to live somewhere. And there has to be information technology people that maintain it. That's just how it works.
I live and breathe that every day.
So, somewhere out there, is a backup of this information. Of these voicemails. I just don't know the right people at Verizon to obtain authorized access to get the information.
It's fine. They weren't super crazy important voicemails. Just kind of would have been nice to have for nostalgic purposes.
My own voicemails though? I use an iPhone App called Decipher VoiceMail to grab the voicemails in MP3 format. Then I take those and just put raw MP3s in sorted folder by called and then tag them by date and time.
I started doing this somewhere back in 2009 or so. I have all these voicemails from my mom. And as well from lots of other people. I also have voicemails from my mom's one friend Ed... He was kind of like one of the most influential people in my life. Larger than life type of guy. Everyone loved him. So it's just nice to hear his voice from time to time as well. My mom and him were best buds. She was just completely depressed for months after he passed away. He had a stroke at my sister's wedding...
It kind of eats me up. So, in 2013...
I was chatting with you know, that girl... 0202... you know... the girl... The one that is on my mind all the time. We'd started to talk again that spring. So... There was texting and friending on social media and emails... things were good. We were getting alone fine.
Then some stuff happened over that summer and... she cut me off again. I was in a terrible mood. I was just mean to everyone. I didn't care about anything but to talk to her. I was annoyed with myself for getting myself cut out of her life again. It was horrible. I was grouchy. So, my sister was supposed to get married at the beach down in VA...
I was supposed to be in the same room as Ed... to share a room with him at the hotel.
But because I couldn't talk to that girl... I was sooo upset that I just told my sister I didn't want to go to the wedding. I stayed home instead.
So... Ed had his own room. He drove down with my mom and all them, just fine the night before the wedding. Then in the early morning he started to have a stroke. He made it out of his room after a while and knocked on my mom's door and her friend's door. They called 911. But it was too late.
I just can't help but wonder if I had BEEN there and he could have woken me up and I could have called 911 sooner. Maybe he'd still be here today. And maybe my mom would still be here today because she'd have her best buddy to keep her fighting a little longer to make it through. But she just couldn't fight any longer when she was in the ICU after those 10 or so days.
I don't know. It's all what ifs and should haves I guess.
Now none of those people are in my life.... 0202 girl... Ed... my mom...
Hmmm... But I have voicemails to remind me. Except that girl, I have no voicemails from her. In ALL the years we knew one another, the only voicemail that I ever got, was a butt call.
Yep.
I remember it to this day, she was out at Dave and Busters for 1 and 1 for this work outing. They took a bus out and went as a group thing all together. I remember seeing the voicemail pop up and getting excited to see what it is she had called about...
Butt call.
Just idle chatter for 2 minutes until it ended. Yep. Actually because of the way my archive software works, it just saves everything... I still have the butt call mp3. Haha... Oh well. There it is in her folder. The only item when everyone else has tons of messages in their archive folders.
Well, anyways... I did hear her voice maybe a year and some change ago when she had me listen to this podcast she was on. I listened to every word of it... You know... Some people just have voices that...
They are just so pleasing to listen to. You could just listen to them talk ALLL day. Other people are annoying as heck, but her voice... It's great. I love it.
Well anyways... So, sometimes I listen to voicemails from my mom. Most of the time I just have them because... Just to have them. I actually started keeping them as a record because of all the trust court stuff going on. So I'm glad that I kept them all.
So save your voicemails. It's a nice reminder of someone when they are gone. Just trust me. Hearing my mom's voice from time to time is priceless. And I made sure to make like a thousand backups of all the voicemails I have from her. It's tough though, it does make me cry... But I'm glad I have them.
Self Inventory
I had an idea to make a self inventory today. A self inventory is... Kind of like an inventory checklist of yourself. I guess that's... a bit self explanatory. Let me explain and elaborate...
One of the steps of this process of settling my mom's estate includes an inventory reported to the county. The inventory is basically... The tangible physical times that she left in her will.
It doesn't include... Her skills. And her personality. And her smarts. It doesn't include her history. It doesn't include... All of the things she did when she was alive, like teaching skiing at the ski area in the winter, and life guard training at the lake at camp in the summer. She did a ton of other things. It doesn't include the degree that she earned to be a physical education teacher before she had to get a liver transplant.
So, I was thinking... That's the kind of inventory it SHOULD be. And then I thought... What if I did an self inventory on myself. Not the physical things I own, or the bank accounts I have...
But, who I am as a person. What if we all did one? I feel like it could be a great way to track who we are and where we've been and where we're going.
On Monday in yoga the instructor mentioned a Joan Rivers quote...
"I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn’t get better. You get better."
So then I thought, maybe there's a way to track that? To really figure out a way TO get better.
And everyone always has room to improve on themselves no matter where they are in life.
So, I was thinking, what about some kind of annual self inventory. Kind of like an annual review. What do I do with my day generally? What kinds of behaviors do I have? Could they be assigned a point value on an annual basis or maybe even every 6 months or every month even?
Are some behaviors or skills desirable and I should work more on those? Are some less desirable and I should work to improve or change those things?
I think that would be a great way to just work on myself, and anyone else could also do this, to just become better. To just figure out how to sort through life and everything it throws at me in a faster and more efficient way.
I was thinking so what are some good things that I do?
Well, to start... Yoga is great! There's a super awesome supportive community at the yoga studio that I belong to. Physically and mentally it has definitely helped me so much since I started going. My wrists used to hurt a lot from all of the computer use I do. But yoga 2 or 3 nights a week fixes that. It also improves my mood and just makes me feel better.
I also run, and work out at the gym. The last time I was at the docs, all my numbers looked great.
I drink fruit and veggie shakes too, so that probably helps. I try to limit my alcohol intake and only drink socially.
What else? Well...
I write music, I'm working on a book, and I trade stocks and invest in my free time. I'm building up a health income dividend portfolio and I also am just generally getting better at investing and investment research. I keep to a strict budget so as not to spend more money than what I make.
I read a lot. I also listen to lots of podcasts and educational content. So, I'm always trying to feed my brain.
I've been at my job 10 years... Though I've taken on new job duties, I haven't really "advanced per se" so that's something to maybe put in the improvement category.
It's true, I don't actually have my 4 year degree. This goes in the things to improve category. I was taking classes years ago but life got in the way. And all the stuff with my mom being sick. So, there's room for improvement there. I do like my job, but there isn't a lot of room for advancement. So maybe finish the degree, then make a lateral move to a larger college or company to try to move upward in the IT world. we'll see... I could focus more on writing and music and investing and try to make a comparable salary from those and then pivot to an entirely different line of work.
What else? Well... I'm going to admit that I'm a little emotional sometimes. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. This then sometimes comes out in my social media. Okay, so I'll work on that.
My thing is... I want to be the best person possible to everyone I know. I want to be someone that people really respect. Especially let's say when it comes to dating. I want to be someone that she can look at as... WOW... I REALLY found someone that is definitely someone I NEVER want to let go.
Who wants to be someone that is a person that "fired" from dating. I mean, okay yes there are chemistry things where you could be awesome but that person still just doesn't develop feelings for you.
But, let's say there are feelings... and she wants to talk about you to her friends and family... or even post about you on her various social media accounts.
Well I want to be the guy that she raves about. That she's like... telling all her family and friends about how AWESOME of a boyfriend I am. And then she can list all of the skills and things I've done and basically everyone will say... WOW. You definitely found a good one. Don't let him get away!
Basically be someone amazing in society. Be the star employee at work that the boss will do anything to keep. Be that kind stranger and friend that helps when a favor is called upon. Be organized at home and keep the house in order. Be healthy and wealthy and wise and all that. And then be a supportive great boyfriend, and the fiancée and then husband to the girl that I meet in the future. And tell her, that I'm always working to become even better all the time.
So, that's where I'm headed. Look at my weaknesses and my strengths. Figure out where I have room to improve in all aspects of my life. And what I can change or stop doing that might be working against me, or start doing that might make the quality of life for those around me better as well as my own life!
Early Mornings
Maybe it's not actually all that early. I guess for some it's possibly late. I guess it's all relative. For me it's early though! I suppose some people get up at 4am... so my new wake up time would be sleeping in to them.
So what time am I waking up? The last two mornings I've pushed myself to get out of bed at 6:30. I might move that to 6am. The reason? Well... Most nights I'm just super sleepy and all I want to do is just go nap. But if I take a nap at 8 or 9 or 10pm it turns into 2am waking up with all the lights on. And then I just go brush my teeth and turn all the lights off and go back to bed.
I hate falling asleep without brushing my teeth. It's the worst feeling ever. I'm all about great dental hygiene apparently.
So, instead... I just make a quick list of all the things I need to do. Anything I don't get done before I start to fade gets taken care of in the AM. It's working out well. I actually tried it out last week one morning and liked it. So, over the weekend I decided to try for this whole week.
The other reason is this lawn of mine. When you own a house... There's a lawn that needs to be kept up. When my mom was alive and well she had a friend from her high-school days that ran a landscaping biz come cut it and then she would pay for it from the trust income she was receiving. But since we're still waiting in the wings for the trust (the distributions stopped when she passed away because they have to restructure it or something... also... we're getting this new trustee as the courts have decreed so it's in the process of being transferred to a new trustee)... I decided to clamp down on any extra money and expenditures. So I'm cutting it myself.
I don't know. I enjoy it really. I just put on some iTunes U material, or podcasts... or various conference recordings from different developer's conferences that are freely available from infoq.com and mow away. Not having a gas mower makes it so I can comfortably listen without having to figure out a way to block out the noise of a traditional gas mower.
I had bought a reel push mower, this one from Fiskars, years ago. It works fine, it just takes a longer time to cut the lawn than a smelly old loud gas powered one.
AND on top of getting the lawn cut so my neighbors don't give me the stink eye... I'm using it as an early morning work out. 6am, mow for a half hour, or an hour. Shower. Feel pretty great... Like I've had a nice full workout.
Then I go do some other things before starting to get ready for work.
Maybe once our trust is all setup and things are in place and things start going however they are supposed to go I might subscribe to a lawn care service again and just send the bills out to the trust to be reimbursed for the cost. Apparently that's how things are supposed to work. We just live our lives... and then if I need a car repair, or a home repair, or something...
I just send the bill to the bank managing the trust and they pay it.
This will be true for our spouses as well. If myself or my siblings need something, or our married sig others (should I ever actually meet a girl and get married) need something, we can just request from the trust. And then we can also request for our kids.
Money certainly can't buy love but... It can definitely make life a little easier. So to the girl I eventually marry... We certainly won't have to worry about that whole living paycheck to paycheck thing. If we need a new car... We just request it. If we need a new roof... Or fridge... We just request it.
My goal is to try and not use the trust... Only use it for emergency things and keep the rest invested for my retirement. From what I understand I received the full amount once I turn 50. So I plan to retire at 50. Or, maybe I'll just go back to school and do something else instead. I doubt I'll ever stop working. I'll just do something different. Start a non-profit. Really get into writing, or who knows. Just manage my investments full time...
I can't really say where I'll be in 17 years when I turn 50. Who knows. I can't say where I'll be next year!
Anyways for now... I'm going to try for 6am every morning. There's something fulfilling about caring for your own lawn. I don't know. It's just cool.
And while I keep the lawn nice and neat, I also give my brain an educational treat via iTunes U courses. Zing! It's a two-fer.
I'm really trying to start the process of making my mom's house mine. I just stowed away her Golden Girls DVD's. Only took me 6 months to touch those. She was all about watching those Golden Girls. I just get full of tears and a heavy heart when I go to touch something. Some days it just doesn't seem real. Like I'll hear her opening the front door saying "Hey Ken! I'm home!"
But she never does.
Tonight I plan to move her cell phone over to Google voice and start the process of canceling her cell. Just have to do it. Just have to go ahead with it already. There's no sense in keeping it going any longer. That will be another cost to cut. Again, I don't know how long trust stuff and estate things take. Who knows. I mean our original trust case started in 2007 with the courts... So I'm just trying to be extra frugal and be cost conscious and just not count any chickens before they have completely hatched.
So for all I know, I might be carrying the weight of the costs around this house for years to come. I'd just continue to figure out ways to get thrifty. I'm all about being thrifty. I hope not. And in all honesty, I DOUBT it will be THAT much longer... But you never know. Life has a way of giving you exactly what you weren't expecting.
So there ya go. 6am wake up call. Try it out. Get in the groove. Become an early riser. Go out there and get 'em! Or maybe you already wake up at 5am and you're just reading this thinking... Wow... Slacker. You're just getting up and I've already been awake for an hour. Well look at you all fancy with your 5am wake ups... La-te-da. Whatevs. Stop raining on my parade!
I guess whatever works for each of us right? I feel all successful with 6am, so I'm going to stick with that. 5am is a bit too early for me. But if it works for you... Do it up!
Rebalance
Today has been a strange day. I mean, not really. all THAT strange. It's just, I felt strange. Maybe not strange. I just feel like... different. I feel more optimistic I think? But also more relaxed. I'm not sure. Okay, I definitely feel better than I did yesterday. That's for sure. Yesterday I just felt like... I wanted to skip the day. You know? Just hit the skip button and just fast forward to the next day quickly.
Nothing SUPER interesting happened... It was a fairly normal day. Although, a full day for sure.
I woke up early, cut some of the lawn around 7am...
Got ready for work...
Went to work at 9...
Traded a stock... I sold one stock for a small gain, about 30 bucks. Just a stock I'd bought a while back, paints and chemicals. Some unknown company with solid books and revenue. Those are the stocks I like. You've never even heard this company exists, but you use their products every day. Or maybe your workplace buys products from them and uses them every day. Those are my favorites. I'll do research and get back into a new one. I almost bought shares in Dominos Pizza (DPZ). It's doing pretty well. I feel like the pizza biz is always a solid investment. Dominos has been around for ages. Personally I prefer independent pizzerias to chains... But raise your hand if you've had Dominos at some point in your life?
Yep. I'm right there with you.
Plus who's going to stop eating pizza? Not me. I had a slice tonight. It never gets old. Pizza... Seriously. Pizza! I love pizza though, so I'm kind of biased.
I worked my usual 9-5. I don't know. I just kind of felt alright at work. I can't explain it. I just kind of felt like... Yeah, I'm down with today. I'm up for working hard and being super productive.
I yoga'ed it up after work. Yoga was nice. I felt refreshed... Or maybe rebalanced. So I guess not only did I rebalance my stocks... I rebalanced myself in yoga.
So in yoga there's a thing at the end where you just kind of nap for 5 minutes. It's like... After the more strenuous work out park... You then just try to focus on calming your mind.
I just felt strange during that. Like... I think I half fell asleep and half dreamed. But I don't remember what the dream was. I just remember sort of having the feeling that I'd "woken up".
For the rest of the day... I had that feeling that you have when you've traveled. You know? When you've been driving for a long time and finally arrive at your destination.
After that I went to The Pickering Creek Inn for some comedy and music. One guy was sooooo funny. I don't really recall any of his jokes... Except one...
All it was, was... "Do you think there are bipolar polar bears."
I don't know. it just made everyone laugh for some reason. My mom was actually bipolar. So I know it's not a condition to laugh at. But she took meds and had it treated and so... It was like she didn't even have it... Anyways... That's a story for another time. It's a serious subject and not something to take lightly. But just the phrase bipolar polar bears. I've never heard anyone say that before. So... It just made me chuckle I guess. It's a weird phrase. Like I said, it had been a weird day. He had a joke that lead up to that joke that made it make more sense, but for some reason I can't think of the joke that lead to the polar bear one.
I actually stopped on my way from yoga to pick up a pizza slice at Wegmans. Then I went to The Pickering Creek Inn. I have a show there in 2 weeks. Same variety show that happened tonight. So I'll just be one of the acts.
Well so now I'm home. I took out the trash... tended to some other things about the house.
I plan to get up early tomorrow morning and do some other chores and such. My new thing is that I'm trying to get up earlier than my normal wake time so I can do things around the house with the extra hour. The other morning I got up and did laundry.
I just feel like it's a good way to start the day. Just something new to try. Some times you gotta try new things and mix up how things are in your life. So... I'm rebalancing. Just like my stocks... and just like rebalancing and refreshing myself in yoga.
As I've mentioned before I trade my stocks is by selling off 1 of the 40 I own... Then I research for a couple days and buy a new one to go back to 40. Then I wait and sell another... And so on.
It's a constant small rebalancing. Some people sell ALL of their holdings and buy ALL new ones. I feel like that's a very jarring way to trade. Rebalancing is what investors do with your portfolio... Sell some holdings and buy new ones. Sometimes you sell winners to diversify and sometimes you sell losing ones to use that cash elsewhere and cut your losses early.
I feel like investment rebalancing could also be applied to life.
Small adjustments. Just make small changes here and there. Get rid of one small thing... Add one new thing...
See how that goes. Then make another small adjustment. And just like some times I actually will get back into the same stock I sold a few months back... I can always bring that thing back into my life that I took out if I feel like maybe later on down the road it fits again. Sometimes things fit in your life at certain points of your life and some times they don't work. You know?
Try new things. If it works... Keep it. If it doesn't. Take something else out and get something new to replace it.
What's one thing in your life that maybe you can take out... And one new thing that you can add in?
Give it a try and see how it goes/fits. If it doesn't work... You can always try to go back, or try something else to see if there's another solution that might work better.
Little life rebalances.
Well, now it's time for me to fall fast asleep! Night.
Mom’s Day
So... I made it through mom's day. Today was my first mom's day without my mom. It was rough. But I made it through.
Went over to my brother's place and had food and hung out.
I don't know. Just feeling kind of meh. So there ya go.
Last night I went to this murder mystery party. It was fun. It was with a group of friends that I hang out with every now and then.
I have some other events planned on my radar. Have a show coming up in a few weeks. So... Just have to keep going out and doing things. I kind of feel a bit like the that feeling at the end of a Monopoly game. You know when things just kind of end and it's like okay... So that's over.
Like... So my life is sort of... that's how I feel. The last 10 years have been... Fighting to keep my mom alive... and fighting court stuff with this trust... and the last 5 years have been fighting to woo the heart of a girl that I couldn't get.
So... I guess I'll start my next Monopoly game now. Find a new girl to hopefully win over that strikes my fancy. Obviously can't find a new mom. The closest I can get is to maybe marry a girl and have the mom in law kind of be... that's not the same at all... But that's the closest I could get.
Hopefully this trust stuff will wrap up and then I can just... Try to figure out the next part of my life. Or just let it unfold.
I guess... Just have to wait and see what happens.
Spring Cleaning
Okay, I'm not REALLY doing a full on Spring cleaning per se, but I am starting to get back into identifying things to be donated/recycled/sold that I don't use anymore. My method of cleaning, or doing anything really is slightly different than most. I don't "attack" a large project.
I really don't do anything in large long chunks. I do things in more of baby steps, or an ADHD type of deal. I'll do one little thing of one thing. Then go do one more little thing of something else. Then one more little thing of something else.
Even the lawn outside I've been using my push reel mower and only doing small little pieces of the lawn every few days. I don't do the front and the back, or even just the front or just the back. I do a small piece and then the next day, or two or three days later, I do another small piece. I'm also doing small trims of bushes, or small bits of grass seeding small bits of weeding here or there. Eventually... things start to take shape.
The thing about large projects is, to me at least, they aren't natural. That's not how the world and nature work. Whoever created that concept... I really just have to voice my opinion here and say I absolutely just don't prefer that method. Yes there are some cases where it's ideal. And if it works for you... That's great!
But to me... nature does little tiny bits at a time. Rain doesn't just fall all at once in a 10 seconds and the storm is done... Most of the time at least it doesn't. Generally it rains... Hours... or days. Little tiny drops add up to inches of water fallen.
Your hair doesn't just show up one morning grown out. In fact, you don't even notice it's growing. Just like grass growing. You don't even SEE it growing. But before you know it... The length has increased.
This is how I do most things. My dividend investment income. It just hit 430 bucks in dividends for the year. Not getting rich by any means, but on the first of the year it was at zero dollars. So, hey... Those little deposits from my 40 different stocks... 8 bucks here, 2 bucks here... 20 bucks there... Have added up to 430 bucks. And I've made little trades here and there as well, so I have an additional 435 in realized capital gains. I have to trade again because one of my portfolio rules is that the capital gains have to stay above the dividends. So on my next dividend, the dividend income will surpass the capital gains income for the year. Lately, I've just kind of been more passive with my income as I'm fairly happy with the 40 stocks in the portfolio right now. But, I'll evaluate them and decide which one to sell off, and then make another trade to get back in on new stock... And then repeat again after the dividend continues to move upwards slowly and again pass by my capital gains income. Just keep repeating that process.
So... I've identified things I need to work on around the house. Things I need to clean out and get rid of. Things I want to keep but organize better. Instead of just spending a whole entire weekend just doing that, I'll do little things here and there. Yesterday or Thursday evening rather, I took a monitor out of the garage and put it in my car. For some reason there are some old CRT monitors. I don't know where they came from... Some of them could have been from old computers we had years and years ago... Or come of them could have been friends of my mom's and she had told them they could bring them here and I would dispose of them. She was good at volunteering my services like that. Sigh. Well... SO that's what I did. I loaded up the monitor into my car, and yesterday I took the monitor from my car after work, into our junk room at work.
We have a junk closet that every month, or two, depending on how much junk builds up, we call a recycling company and they come and take the old equipment away free of charge. They break it all down and dispose of and recycle the precious metals inside and such.
Instead of doing the whole garage at once, I just did that one thing. Then maybe next week, I'll do something else. And the week after something else. And then in the late Summer or Fall it will be like.. Whoa... Where'd it all go!
Just like hair growing long. You don't even notice it's growing if you look right at it.
The same concept happens with my credit card statement unfortunately. I look at it in the beginning of the month... Then I swipe and buy some gas, groceries, maybe a beer here or there, a ticket to an event...
Before you know it? WHOA. How spend that much! Although, I do log in daily so I'm super aware of all of my expenditures at all times. There's a saying...
If you're not monitoring it you can't manage it.
Or measuring it rather. If you can't measure it, you can't manage it. I just googled the phrase. Although interestingly enough I found a little article to kind of counter that phrase.
I always find it interesting to hear different sides and viewpoints of things... Definitely an interesting read...
So, I mean anyways, I say you don't always have to action things. But I feel that it's best to keep a watchful eye on it. Just to know the status of how things are going. I check lots of things often but never actually do anything most of the time. Like, I check my stocks constantly, or I check my credit card purchases. Or I check all the rooms in my house just as a walk through... Mostly because I'm checking for a stray cat puke or poop to clean up.
Or, I write a small bit of book here. Or a little piece of a song there. I record here or there a little (although I haven't had much time to do this in the last year or so, but now that things are getting more settled with life and my mom's things... I'll be getting more and more back to recording music and hopefully posting new material on a regular basis again)
That's just how I work... every now and then... I do something here or there. My Spring cleaning isn't just once in the spring. It's constantly. Little by little. Baby steps. A tiny thing here and a tiny thing there. And before you know it. After a few days, or a few weeks, or a few months, or a few years... Some major task is ticked off the list. And I start the next one.
Serendipity Trustee
I'm in yoga tonight... and I'm thinking about two things mostly... Or two people rather... And I'm kind like... Well, maybe this is going somewhere? Okay, sure, maybe it's not. But maybe this setup happened for a reason? Maybe these two people came into and out of my life for a reason?
Let me explain...
The first person on my mind is... Our old trustee of our family trust. A new trustee is, right now, in the process of taking over our family trust from the old trustee. Old trustee is no longer going to be trustee. Instead, we'll be communcating with a new trustee that the courts appointed. What's interesting is... There shouldn't even be a trust anymore right now at all because we're all over the age of 30. In the original trust terms, the assets were to be distributed outright after we all turned 30. However, the old trustee changed those terms so that a trustee would manage the trust until we were at the age of 50. Now, we're going to have a new trustee until the age of 50 managing our trust. At first I thought, hmm... That stinks. I'd rather just have the money. But tonight.... I had a different thought about it. Before I continue on about the new trustee... Let me back up...
In 2010 I met a girl on a dating site. She blew my mind and heart wide open. It's complicated. But the long and the short of it is... I chased her and never got her. There's WAY more to it than that. There was another guy that she was in love with... etc. etc. But basically, we got into this thing where she would read my blog and I would.. blog about her. Mostly. Yeah. And I would think about her all the time. And I'd know that she read it. And there was an unspoken agreement that I blog every day and I see a dot on my analytics that she read it. After all... What's the point of writing anything without an audience? And what better of an audience for fate to setup than to have THE girl that my heart longs for read every word I put down. Originally my hope was to win her back. So I blogged and blogged. And she read and read. I hated writing mind you, but... I kept at it. This turned into a book. I started writing more of the book and less of the blog. I still blog though... now I'm trying to finish the book that this lovely gal inspired.
What do these both have in common? Old trustee and old flame that I couldn't get? The both live in South Florida. By fate or chance. But let's look at this a little further...
The old trustee modified the terms of the trust to require that we HAVE a trustee until we are 50. Initially we tried to move the trust to 2 other locations but both declined... So where's the trust headed? Glad you asked... It's headed to Beverly Hills. A private bank in Beverly Hills will now manage our trust until each of us turns 50. This means I have a 17 year relationship with a private trust officer at a bank in... yep... Beverly Hills.
Why is this good?
So, the old flame girl that I never got but wrote blog after blog about and... Eventually started writing a book inspired by her... She moved to South Florida in the same year that the old trustee moved and she met another guy... (at least the last time I indulged in binging on her social media when I was slightly intoxicated, seeing the girl of your dreams posting proof of her happy with another guy never ceases to turn my stomach). Alright though... But hey... maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe I'm never supposed to get her. Why?
Well... Now we put the two together. Both of these individuals that now reside in South Florida did two things... The girl gave me a book. So what do I do with this book? The trustee gave me... A court appointed contact in Beverly Hills at a private investment bank. SO what?
Again, maybe this is nothing... Or maybe it's something. My guess is... Beverly Hills is also home to... You guessed it... Other people that do business at the bank... Perhaps even with the same trustee... This means... Other authors that reside in and around the Beverly Hills area. Other writers... Actors... Producers... Other Hollywood hipsters that may possibly walk into and out of the same bank that now is going to manage my trust for the next 17 years. For all I know the same man sending emails to my inbox... Might also send emails to the inbox of other key people in the Beverly Hills area that know other key people... Writers, actors, producers...
This is what went through my mind in yoga this evening. So... I guess we'll see where this goes. Maybe it's not leading to someone that might then help me publish my book and get it turned into a movie so that Rebel Wilson can act in it and then I can nonchalantly ask her out on a date. Or maybe it is. Only time will tell...
10 Years
In the song "7 Years", the Danish pop singer Lukas Graham talks about various milestones in his life that he had achieved and will achieve. He dispenses life advice that he had received from his parents.
7 years old, 11 years old, 20 years old... 30 years old... 60 years old...
Each one of these ages, Lukas is told something, or something will happen. Today, I reached two milestones myself...
While I myself currently have lived to the age of 33 years old and have been told many things, I feel as though my life is still beginning and I have a lot to learn. At the same time I feel old hat at some things.
Today was a strange day. May 4th. To some it was, as what is known to be Star Wars day. May the 4th (force) be with you.
To others on my Facebook feed, it was a birthday. To some others at my workplace, it marked the beginning of their retirement part of their lives.
To me, it was 6 months since my mom passed away. It's tough. I want to talk to her. I listen to old voicemails that she left me. I have other recordings and photos of her and ways to remember her. I can always just replay memories of discussions that we had. Or events that took place. Unfortunately in the last 5 or so years it was mostly related to doctors visits and hospitalizations. But there are other good memories in there of us just going out to dinner or her watching her favorite shows and laughing over and over at the same stuff she'd seen a million times before. Her Golden Girl's DVD's or the comedian that has all the puppets... Like the "Jalapeño on a stick" guy. She thought that bit was the funniest thing ever.
Today we had an awards ceremony at work. Several people retired from their jobs. One was leaving to switch careers after only 19 years. Another was retiring to volunteer in a different part of the college. Yet another had worked her final 39th year at the college. Actually, her husband was there as well... He was my elementary school gym teacher believe it or not. Small world right? She also played lacrosse in high-school, college, and while getting her master's degree... In all 10 of those years... She was undefeated in every game she played. She made it to the united states women's lacrosse team and beat out England on to win an international game of some sort. I don't have the facts in front of me, I was just told that today. I never knew. I've known this person since I started at the college... and I only just found this out. I knew she played lacrosse though. I just never knew that she was undefeated in every game that she played as a youngster.
Like my mom she was a physical fitness teacher. She ran that department at the college for 39 years. And today she retired.
Today I reached my own milestone... 10 years at the college. Time has definitely flown by. I remember the first day on the job. October 24th 2005. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I'm not sure what my future holds. But I'm sure there will be various other milestones ahead for me. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
For now, I just continue on and see what happens. I don't think anyone sets out to work somewhere for 10 years, or 39 years. Just like they don't set out to win 10 years straight of lacrosse games. And I'm sure that when Lukas Graham first was told to make friends at 7 years old, that he'd later write a song about it.
No one really knows what the future will hold, or how the past will come back to be told and retold again and again, just like the stories and memories shared today at the ceremony.
But whatever the milestones are, they should be celebrated. I didn't really give it much thought, 10 years. The actually date came and went. And my mom was admitted to the ICU soon after that 10 year mark came... So it wasn't on my mind... But receiving the award along with the fun little commemorative crystal cube that they gave us... It felt good.
It feels good to mark dates and years with celebration. So feel free to mark your own accomplishments and celebrate them. And feel good about what you've accomplished. Be it, 1 year, 10 years, 39 years... Whatever. Own it. Rock it. Sing it out. And feel free to shed a tear or two of both joy and sorrow. It happens. I mean if we didn't the tissue company would go out of business.
Today, I shed a little tear of both joy and sadness. 6 months since losing my mom, 10 years since starting my job.
Life is filled with both happy times and sad times and sometimes they both happen at the same time.