BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

Show Matches Anywhere

Every now and then I put my OKCupid settings  to show me matches anywhere.  You know just out of curiosity.

Then I just click a bunch of profiles and browse them just to see if people in other parts of the world are different from the matches where I live.

I then have to get ready for the millions of messages that I get.  Okay, not millions, but I always get a good number.  Sometimes I respond.  Sometimes I don't.

"WHY DO YOU LIVE SO FAR AWAY!  You have the most awesome profile ever."

One person sent me tonight.

I wouldn't say it's that awesome.  When I browse local matches I barely get a response.

Every now and then I get one.  But it's few and far between.

But this one girl from Pomona, California seems interesting.

I've mostly given  up on dating sites these days.  I just login for entertainment I guess.

I mean dating in general is kind of hopeless.  I just don't see myself getting married.  Don't get me wrong, I WANT to get married.  But... Well... the problem is, whenever i like someone... they don't like me back.  I mean I liked Kara 100 percent... And she just never was that into me.  I guess she tried to make herself like me.  But ultimately... I just wasn't good enough for her.

I actually went on a date Friday night.  It was okay I guess.  We just had some beers and chatted.  She's nice.  I don't know if she's my type.  Although maybe I'm not her type either.  That's kind of the thing about dating when you're 33, and she's 34.  I think we're at the point where you just go on a date with someone because they said yes.

Because the dating pool is soo slim and hopeless at this point that... If someone DOES agree to a date you jump on it.  You could be not attracted to them at all and have nothing in common.  But heck... They said yes to a date!  In your 30s, that's kind of how dating works.  You just take what you can get.

And then you just kind of try to sit there across from the person... maybe if I drink one more beer?  Maybe if I just keep going on dates with her?  I don't know.  Somehow maybe I can convince myself to fall in love with this girl?

I'm still kind of not sure exactly what magic spell Kara had to make me want her so much.  I've still yet to meet a girl with that kind of power over me.

I highly doubt I'll ever meet another girl that will be able to do to my heart and mind and everything what she did.  She was something else.

So these days it's more... I go on first dates... And pretty much I just go on whoever says yes.  Really it's just an excuse to have someone to sit and drink a beer with and have a  conversation with.  I don't really have any preferences these days.  As long as you say yes to a date after going back and forth on the site for 10 or 20 messages back and forth...

I'm down.  I mean... I guess... there's the possibility that love could spark.  But... Seriously people, I give up on ever actually finding someone to post selfies on Facebook with and have my Facebook actually say I'm "in a relationship" with that person.

It's just how it is.  I'm single... and I probably will be for life.  And I'll probably just keep going on first dates here and there.  Probably getting less and less frequent.  As I climb into my 40s and then 50s and 60s... Every now and then I might get a first date.  I'll probably join some singles club.  And who knows.  Go on a single cruise.

But... I just definitely give up on the whole getting married some day thing.  I just can't imagine actually feeling that way for someone and having her feel it back.  That much mutual love that we decide that we want to get married?

That's crazy talk.  I don't know.  I WISH... But I'm also practical.  So I just keep going on these first dates from OKCupid or Bumble or Tinder.  Or what have you.  I just keep not expecting anything to come out of it, because in the end, I know nothing will.  I know that I'm just never going to feel the kind of sparks that I felt for Kara.  She just had some sort of magical ability... I'd LOVE to find that agin in someone else...

But I doubt it will ever happen.

So for now when I run dry of matches locally.... I change it to show matches anywhere and I click on those and wait for them to send me a message about how good of a profile I have.  Which I know isn't true, because if I DID have that good of a profile... I wouldn't be single right now.

But it's just good entertainment at least.