Chocolate Soymilk
Today’s topic is reader suggested. I was asked to write about:
Chocolate Soymilk
What am I supposed to write about that? Chocolate… soymilk… ACTUALLY… I do have something… I have a story… Wooo hooo… it’s STORY TIME!
Oh boy! oh boy! oh boy!… I LOVE story time!
(Imitation of Wayne’s World scene transition: Dooo looo Dooo looo Dooo looo)
This was probably my third year of college, although it could have been my second, or fifth... you know college is kind of a blur for me (but isn't it for all of us?). I was never really a big time party drinker, but I would often go to college parties. I’m a fan of getting out and socializing it up with some friends. This one time (not at band camp, at college)… I went to a party at my friend Ryan’s place… it was a jive little shindig. It was JUST after the album Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie came out. So we were all sitting around listening to that and playing some Jenga. Along with Jenga everyone was drinking various alcoholic drinks. Since my friend Ryan and I didn’t really drink we were instead sipping on some Silk Chocolate Soymilk purchased from the local Giant Eagle supermarket. That’s probably part of the reason we became such good friends. Neither of us were big on getting, as the college kiddies called it, shwasted. So we were just enjoying the party with our chocolate soymilk instead.
The game of Jenga finished up and the people playing decided to mingle with the rest of the party goers.
Oh, so speaking of Jenga if anyone has ever been to Portland, Maine there is a bar in old port that has a GIANT game of Jenga that you can play! It’s kinda neat. Although, it’s probably more impressive to stand back and watch all the super drunk people get pumbled with giant Jenga blocks and then fall over after someone pulls the wrong piece out. If you're ever nearby check it out:
Sorry, ok back to story time…
So this girl sat down next to me and was drinking something with rum in it. LOTS OF RUM in it. Also let’s just say she had DEFINTELY been drinking whatever this drink was for quite some time or probably the whole night (aka she was drunk… and when I say drunk… I mean sloshed, see also shwasted). So she asked me what I was drinking… I said it was chocolate soymilk. To which she responded…
“EWWW… GROSS!!!!”
Then she leaned in close to me as if to peer into the cup and said,
“Can I try some? I’ve never had chocolate soymilk.”
I said, ok let me go get you a cup. She said…
“NOoooooooooo ssssokkkkkk jusss giveme yourrrs…” (imitate drunk girl voice)
it was kinda like... this scene...
"Just give me a second... I'll be right back."
Mmm... classic. That's a good scene.
ok so yea...
So she took my cup from me and drank some of it. Then she stopped… made a face as if she was going to puke and then drank a little more.
She sat for a minute just staring at me and doing that little drunken person thing where they sort of waiver back and forth as if they are on a boat at sea. And kinda stare at the wall or not directly at you but sorta around you.
I was about to put my hand in front of her face and wave and say hellllooooo you ok??!?!?!
When after about 10 or 15 seconds of silence… she hands the glass back to me. Then she says…
“Needs more rum in it, I can barely taste the alcohol.”
Need I reiterate the point that she was REALLY drunk?
Soooo I says to her, I says, “Umm… there isn’t any alcohol in it”
Then she said “oh well THAT’s NO GOOD! Let me fix that for you…”
Before I could decline the offer she had grabbed the cup from my hand, staggered through the living room mingling crowd and straight into the kitchen. After a short time she repeated the same action but in reverse, crashed into me on the couch as she attempted to sit and handed it to me. “All better!”
She sat there looking at me as if waiting for me to take a drink of it. I smelled it a few times and then looked up and smiled at her; I think it was half chocolate soymilk and half rum. So with her watchful and waiting eyes still there…
I took a sip. Then forced my face from a grimace to a grin… and said to her “it’s, great thanks.”
Meanwhile I’m pretty sure I just ingested at least 2 shots worth of rum.
Then a couple of partygoers marched by yelling “JENGA!!! JENGA!!! JENGA!!!”
She yelled back “I’M IN THIS ONE!” Then looked at me and said, “If you need anything else come find me!” with that she got up and joined the new game.
I decided it was best to discretely dispose of the concoction.
Let’s just say rum and chocolate soymilk go together about is well as… um… nothing. It's just gross. Don't try it.
And that concludes storytime! There ya go, that’s my post today on the topic of chocolate soymilk.
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