BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

Dating Stuffs

So... I have all these "dead" conversations on dating sites.  Bumble... Tinder... OkCupid... I've yet to start a convo on happn.  I heart tons and tons of profiles of which we've crossed paths...

None of them heart back.  They have to heart back to start a conversation.  SO, so much for that site.

Anyways... Lots of dead convos.  That means that we started messaging... and then I messaged back to respond and include a question to stir the conversation... Because I find that most dating, I seem to have to carry the conversation.  A lot of the girls I end up going on dates with are riding side car.  They just sit there... Waiting for you to ask a question.

Obviously Kara wasn't like that.  She had the EXACT personality that is like... THIS is what I WANT in a girl!  Seriously.  Other girls could learn a lot from her.  I wish there were more like her.  Most of the girls I meet... I don't know... none of them seem all that interesting.  Yes, that's mean.  But Kara was CRAZY interesting.  It was just like STOP wait a minute... THIS GIRL... WOW!

I wish I could meet a girl like that again.

Anyways... So I carry the dating site convos.  I ask questions in return to keep the conversation going.  Which is really hard.  Generally most of the girls on dating sites respond with one sentence.  Some of them one word.  It's frustrating.  They also take FOREVER to respond.

Again... WHY Kara was awesome.  She responds quickly and she'll respond with a lot of words.  And they are very poignant words too.  I mean... Okay to be fair her IQ has to be like way up in the 160s or something... She's SUPER smart.  But... There's no reason why these other girls can't also respond with at least a paragraph or a few sentences and maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask a question back.

But anyways... dating sites are like pulling teeth.

I used to try and send multiple follow up message and wait a few days between.  But it's like what's the point?  If they aren't going to put any effort into it or give a crap.  Why should I?

So, I just basically swipe right on the ones I like... I reply when someone matches... I reply and ask questions as long as they talk back... I'll ask them out on a date if they continue chatting... If they stop responding to one message.   I just move to the next match.

It seems like they all eventually stop.  Oh well.  I mean... Honestly, I don't even really want to meet someone on a dating site.

I'd LOVE to meet someone in real life.  But every girl I talk to in real life is already married or has a boyfriend.  None of them are single.  Every now and then I'll meet a single girl in real life.  And I'll start talking to her.... and then she basically gives off that "I'm not interested" vibe.  Which is easy to tell... It's similar to the online dating thing... One word answers.

You can tell by the one word answers.

You can tell also when they are interested.  The first sign is they play with their hair.  That's actually from this Human Emotion course I'm listening to from Yale.  I found that interesting... because there's a line in a song that says "If she's playing with her hair she's probably keen".  It's a song by a British rap artist named The Streets.

Turns out it's true.  They sent out researchers to bars to observe people... Tens of thousands of people...

And they found that when a girl is NOT interested in a guy, they turn their back.  They don't look at him.  They answer in short abrupt answers.  "That's nice."  "Great!"  "Yes."

The answers are positive in nature... But they are short  and sweet.  And they kind of become rigid and stiff and just like... You can tell.

When a girl IS interested in a guy... They arch their back apparently... Which I think means they kind of open up to him.  As in they are facing him and they are looking at him and they have their front more open to him versus curling their back and turning away.

And they start to play with their hair.  They twirl it in their finger as they chat with him.

Pretty much none of the girls I talk to do this.

I feel like they used to... Maybe 10 years ago.  But I'm old and past my prime.  Any more I'm probably just going to give up on dating.  Girls just don't find me attractive anymore.  It's useless.

I mean... I just need to figure out a different life plan.  I used to think I'd meet someone and have a family.  I feel like that's just not going to happen.  Maybe I'll start volunteering more... Or just work more on playing more live shows.  Really I just need stuff to do to keep me busy.

At this point it's kind of like... I give up on dating.  None of them are all that interested in me.  So what's the point.  I'm never going to get to the point where I get even in a relationship or end up married with kids.

SO it's more like... Just stay busy until I grow old and die.

Basically just passing the  time I guess.  I'm 33... Average life span is what?  80... So I got like another 47 years of... Join some clubs... Volunteer.  Work on books and music...

Who knows what.

Because I give up on getting a girl to even look this way and play with her hair while chatting with me at a bar.  That's hopeless.  The girls on dating sites want some knight in shining amor Mr. Casanova that's six feet tall... Basically nothing that I am.

Whatever.  I guess I don't care anymore.  It's frustrating... and I tried so hard with them all to make things work and none of them wanted anything serious.

Wasn't good enough for Kara... Wasn't good enough for any of the other girls I dated.

So who knows.  Maybe once all the money business is wrapped up between my mom's estate and the trust I might start to travel some as well.  Just work and then on my breaks and long weekends... I'll plan trips and travel.

I finally canceled my mom's cell phone... Or ported it over to Google Voice... So that will free up 95 dollars a month after this final bill is paid.

And I'm in the process of working with the insurance company to lower and combine my car and homeowners... the quote I just got is a good hundred dollars less a month too... SO that's another 100 bucks extra a month I can put towards just trips and travel.

And then I plan to cancel all the extra Comcast packages my mom had.  So maybe every couple or few months I can spend that money instead on a plane ticket somewhere.  Or maybe do a cruise once a year.  Who knows.

I certainly have no idea what I'm supposed to do with my life now that basically I've given up on the love thing.  I feel like life is almost meaningless/pointless without someone to share it with.

Which is why I described it as... I'm just killing time until I get all old and pruney and eventually croak in old age.

Who knows.  Maybe one day a girl will actually be interested.  But it's just been nothing but chase chase chase and none of them seem to want any sort of real commitment.  Sometimes they respond... And some times they just drop off the face of the planet.

Oh well.  That's life.  That's love.  That's dating stuffs.