BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

Yard Work

I was doing some yard work today.  Nothing major.  Just a little trim here and a little rake there.  Laying down some grass seed and what not in some patches where grass has died.

And I'm thinking about the other people that all live in this neighborhood.  Mostly married people.  By mostly I mean they are all married people.

I'm thinking... Well I guess at one point they were single people.  They were roaming the planet and eventually the bumped into one another.  Maybe at a bar.  Maybe mutual friends.  Maybe they went to school together.

And before they were married they were dating or boyfriend and girlfriend.  And then my mind wondered to all the people that I have known that were boyfriend and girlfriend that didn't end up married.  They ended up breaking up.  And I was just thinking about how I guess you can never tell the future, even sure bets can end up going completely wrong.

Like in college I had this one friend from the dorms and the girl that was MY girlfriend at the time... Who is now actually married to some other completely different guy.... Well anyways that dorm friend of mine and my girlfriend at the time's was with a guy she knew since highschool or even middle school.  They were TOTALLY in love.  She was TOTALLY sure he would propose to her any moment.  Everyone was TOTALLY sure they were going to spend the rest of their lives together as the perfect couple.

Well years later... He got into online gambling.  He lied to her about it and did it in secret late at night.  He lost 10s of thousands of dollars in it and got majorly in debt.  So... Where are they now?  They don't talk to each other.  She couldn't trust him.  They broke up the engagement that had happened after college... Etc. etc.

It's just weird because in my mind when two people are boyfriend/girlfriend I basically assume they are already married.  To me... Them breaking up is a weird idea.  Like because if you were going to break up because you weren't compatible... Why would you spend 2 or 3 years together... Or 6 or 10 years together?  I mean... If you KNEW it wasn't going to work after like a month.... Shouldn't that be when you break up?

I feel as though a lot of people don't.

Obviously I'm no relationship expert... but ok so I go out a lot and I socialize with lots of different circles and scenes... and I find it interesting when someone that I know has a significant other and has been with that person for some time turns to me and points across the bar saying that they really find someone attractive.  It's just weird.

To me... as soon as you're in a relationship... You shouldn't find other people attractive.  If you do... I feel like that's a sign that you aren't with the right person.

Maybe I'm wrong.

So I just think a lot about these things when I'm doing yard work.  I just listen my iTunes U courses... and let my mind wander.

But I guess people don't always stay together till their dying day.  I guess there's a possibility that let's say I do one day say I do... She could, theoretically, be happily in love with some other guy right this moment.  But through a series of events... Maybe they break up...

I mean... Any number of things could happen.  And then... She's suddenly single again.  I don't know....  It's possible that the love of my life is married to some other guy right now... Then 6 months from now he dies in a car accident... I know that's terrible, but you never know!  Then she's out with some of her girlfriends one night and suddenly we're introduced and then me and her hit it off...

Life is like that.  I suppose that's why I shouldn't put too much stock in finding the "love of my life".  I mean heck... I could find her, marry her, and then 2 or 3 years later... She's on her way home from work one snowy night and... I get a phone call.

That's my worst fear is spending ALL this time trying to find love... only to have it ripped away from me.

That's why lately I've kind of been toying with the idea that I should just date a girl that isn't my type at all.  One that I don't even have any feelings for what so ever.  Because that way if I lose her... It's not really a big loss.  Because I'm not emotionally vested.  I'm not like... "She's SO awesome!  She blows my mind and she's ALL I think about ALL the time."

Been there, done that... look where it got me?  Chase chase chase chase... Never good enough for her.  And now she's all gaga over some mr right right about now.  So that's why you shouldn't ACTUALLY fall for people, or have feelings for them... Odds are.. they won't even stay in your life anyways.

So instead... Just date someone and be in a relationship with a girl that I don't really care much for at all.  That way... when it possibly does go south, I could care less.  Or if I suddenly lose her some how some way.... Oh well.  Then I go date someone new that I don't much care about.

This all sounds horrible.  Maybe I'm just jaded or something.  Or maybe I'm just tired of getting burned when I actually do like a girl and then it doesn't work out.  And then I see all these other people that are like "Well I found the love of my life at--"

"Shut up.  I don't care where you found the love of your life.  I've tried it all.  Where you found the love of your life isn't where I'm going to find the love of my life because I'm not you.  SO just shut up with your advice about where and how I'm supposed to find love."

So anyways I don't know any more.  I pretty much go out almost every single day/night socializing and doing things.  Most of the people I talk to are already in relationships or married.  I have to wonder where single people actually hang out.  Or maybe they never leave their houses?  Or apartments.

Or maybe the girls that I do talk to when I'm out actually are single but they are lying to me because they don't want to get hit on.  Apparently this is a thing.

Or maybe I'm one of the few people that just actually is single until I meet someone?  Maybe people never stay single until they meet that one.  Maybe instead they just date people they could care less about and always have someone that is their significant other and then as soon as they do meet that super special person they just ditch whoever they are with.  That's awful to me... But who am I to judge.

I guess we all have crappy umbrellas until we eventually buy a really nice one.  No one is just going to walk around in the rain without any sort of umbrella until you find that one umbrella that really works for you.  Hell, you'll even use a trash bag over your head if you have to.

So I guess I'm probably dating wrong.  Maybe I need to go find myself a trash bag over my head until I finally find that really classy umbrella that really does it for me.

Well anyways... After I did my yard work I went to go see some comedy and music and drink a beer and eat some pizza at The Pickering Creek Inn.  I got a pizza and then gave away the slices that I didn't eat.  I made some new friends.  Giving away pizza in a bar when the kitchen is closed... is the best way to make new friends.  One of the comedy guys had this one joke that went like... Hammocks... They're like relationships... easy to get into hard to get out of without hurting yourself or someone else.

Maybe that's how people end up married and living in the suburbs?  They just didn't want to go through the pain of breaking up.  So they just stayed together all the way through until they got married and moved to the suburbs and bought a house together.

No one really cares about waiting for that nice umbrella.  They just all are using trash bags to keep the rain away.  I guess that's possible.  Hey, I guess if it works right?

Maybe I just think too much while I'm doing yard work.