BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

Today Is

Today is a day to sleep in.

Or, if my aunt weren't so aloof, I'd be wishing her a happy birthday.  But she does her own thing on the other side of the planet.

Today could have been a big deal because it's Easter for some people and all about the whole Jesus thing.  I almost got REALLY into that by falling in love with a super Christian girl.  Whew.  Dodged a bullet on that one, only because it's just not who I am truly.  I was being someone else for her and not because I believed in deep down inside.  And that's not good.  It's not good to change for someone else, you change for yourself because you believe in something deep down inside and not because you want someone to approve of you and like you.  I feel like it's just not my style to be over the top religious.  I'm actually glad she found someone else.  My feelings have all but disappeared for her.  Every time I fall in love with a girl I'm pretty much in love with them until they finally have a new dude.  It's tried and true, it's been the same deal every time it's happened.  Just the thought of another guy with any girl that I like...

It turns the love mojo off... WAY off.  Like if a girl ever cheated on me, even if we were 20 years married...

I'd be like... I can't feel anything for you any more.  I'd just picture that other guy having his way with her.  Gross.  Can't do it.

Anyways, I probably would have converted over and become all super religious for that girl just like my sister did for her husband.  Like I said if you believe it inside you... Fine.  But if you're doing something FOR someone else?  That's bad in my view.  That's the problem with love.  When I first met that girl I was like... I'll never got to church, it's just not something I'm really interested in or believe in.  Then this girl had some weird magical hold on me... and she was able to change that.  Love is a dangerous thing.  I'm not sure falling in love is the best idea anymore.  I'll still continue to date, but I'll be wary.  I'd like to stick to my "technically Jewish" roots of my mom's side of the family.  Sure we didn't actually do any of the whole ritual things... But... the identity is there.

I don't know.  I'm just a middle of the road Sunday brunch I'd like to sample all the religions and things but not commit to any single one type of guy.  I prefer to sleep in on a Sunday morning over anything else.

Of course if love happens a again... Who knows where I'll end up and what religion I'll find myself getting involved with next.  That's why love is a dangerous thing.  It's best to steer clear of falling for anyone too hard.

Maybe I'll just be single and live alone with my cats.

Today is just another day for my cats.

Anyways happy birthday to my aunt who doesn't talk to me because... she lives in her own world over on the other side of the planet... and happy Jesus is risen day to that ex of mine which if that had worked out this very moment we'd probably just bet getting out of church or something together instead... I just woke up.

And I'm happy with that.  Today is... a new day.

I'm 33, I have no kids... no spouse... a house... money in the bank... and I can go on little road trips to Valley Forge to do yoga (I did that for the first time yesterday) and follow it up with a nice long run like I did yesterday, to Longwood Gardens to relax and walk around and enjoy the gardens... to go work on my books at the various wineries that PA has to offer... To sip on good coffee at my favorite little coffee shops.

And I have a low stress job that let's me have 5 days off to relax and unwind.

I'll take it.

Today is... doing some yard work day.  Making some music... maybe write a message to a girl or two on a dating site... like I said... I'll keep dating... but I'm going to be wary of who I fall in love with next time.  Because I might end up doing some things that I wouldn't normally do.  It's like being drunk.  Falling in love is like being drunk.  One minute you're like I don't think that's the best idea... and the next... you're doing whatever the person you're with suggests without hesitation.

So, I've got my eye on you love.  The next time around, with the next girl... I'll just know what I'm doing a little better.