BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

Feel Like An Ellie Goulding Song

So, I'm totally obsessed with Ellie Goulding's music.  Her songs strike a feeling in me that... Well... It's the closest thing I'll get to the feeling I get when I'm in love with a girl.  Right now my favorite song of hers is this one...

 

 

That song is how I WISH I could feel for a girl.  Not just any girl, like... Ok I'm out last night attempting some writing, but I didn't write, I just ended up talking with some people  and watching a guy play some cover songs in this Irish pub.  It wasn't bad.  I enjoyed the friendly banter.  But there were a few girls that I caught eyes with that I thought... Hmmm... They interested me.  I didn't talk to them because I was busy chatting with this engaged girl.  Isn't that how it always goes?  And then I have this other girl I'm... kind of seeing...  texting me drunk from a wine tasting event.  I'll get to that in a few.

Anyways I'm talking to this engaged girl and her fiancé.  They truly are an Ellie Goulding song for sure. You can tell they are in love.  Their wedding is in two months.  You can just tell.... I've never experienced something like that.  I mean, their situation.. where both people are a solid yes for one another.

Back to this girl I'm seeing-ish.  I mean, I enjoy her company, and we've hung out quite a bit.  We've gone on dates quite a bit.  So, yeah, we've kissed and what have you.  It's no Ellie Goulding song... But I'm letting it go and seeing if maybe something like that develops.

I think my main thing is... I'm just over dating.  I don't want to do it anymore.  I've really stopped logging into my dating site account... I feel like if I'm supposed to end up feeling an Ellie Goulding song for someone... It would have happened by now.

But I mean... So I'm out in Valley Forge Park just running and feeling ok... and enjoying the day and listening to my podcast and I'm passing all these parents with kids that look like they hate their lives.  I'm running past these guys just barely holding their girl's hands... It's like they are on the verge of breaking up but they stay with each other because it's too much work to get sex from someone new.

It just makes me realize that Elle Goulding songs are... What they are... There's only one Elle Goulding... So basically when you see a couple that is REALLY in love... That crap is rare.  Most of us are just "with" people... or kind of seeing people because we're over dating.  It's exhausting.  We just don't want to do it anymore... So hey here's someone that seems interest in you, especially when she's had some wine...  I'm certainly FAR from in love with her... But she's nice, so I'll "see where it goes".  I can almost tell you 100 percent that I'm not going to marry this girl.  To be honest... I don't think I'll ever get married...

Why?  I want to marry for love.  I don't want to marry because I just want companionship.  I want to be like the guy and girl out last night at the Irish pub.  So instead of putting any further exhausting energy into dating... I'm just going to go with things as they are at the moment.  I'm just going to assume I'll never have an Ellie Goulding song kind of love story, and if I do ever find it... I'll be surprised.  I mean... the day before I ever first started talking to the last girl I fell in love with, I would have never even known I could feel like that for girl ever.  So... I mean, maybe one day I'll suddenly wake up in love with this girl I'm seeing-ish....

Or... One night I'll be out somewhere and I'll suddenly meet a girl that becomes an Ellie Goulding song type of love story.

And if in 6 months we decide not to see one another anymore... I'm just going to be single.  I'm just going to work on writing and recording music, writing books, play open mics.  Go out to bars and meet people.  Go about my life.

I just... can't imagine out of all the girls I've ever met in my life (with the exception of one)... feeling so compelled to decide she's the one I want in my life for the rest of my life.

For the most part these days... I won't most people out of my life... Not in my life.  I'll give you an hour or two of my time... But after that... I need to go do my own thing.  That's the problem with this current girl... I want an hour and she wants 10.  I want 1 day a week and she wants every night.

And there isn't something in the way she moves that really gets me.

Oh well.  Some people get lucky in love... Others... Just are fumbling around in the dark still trying to find it... dating.... seeing people... maybe waiting to see if it happens to happen with someone they are seeing... Maybe trying to make it happen... Maybe just staying in relationships because they aren't sure what else is out there.

The only thing I know for sure is... I WANT to get married one day... For love.  Mutual love.  Like we both say I love you and mean it.  Right now... I just can't imagine that ever happening for me...

But I'm ok with that.  I just wake up every morning and shrug my shoulders and just say to myself well... Today is another day and who knows what it will bring.

Who knows... Maybe one day I'll wind up at an Ellie Goulding concert or something and meet the girl of my dreams there.  Hmmm... I should go to an Ellie Goulding concert.  That would be fun.  I've never been to one of her shows.  I wonder if she's coming to Philly any time soon.  Perhaps I'll look that up.