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Finding Love Is Like Waking Up On February 29th

Here's what I've figured out after a lifetime of dating...

Ok... So I've yet to find love.  Or at least mutual love.  I've had girls that found love in me, and I've found love in girls... But the girls in love with me I wasn't in love with and the girls I loved didn't love me.

So obviously I'm no expert here.  But here's the thing, it's not that I wasn't COMPLETELY in love with those girls that were interested in me it's just that I was capped from going higher in my feelings.  And it's not that the ones that I was in love with weren't interested in me at all... They were... They were just capped at a lower number of interest...

Let me explain...

Every day we meet people.  We always meet new people.  At work.  At the store.  In line at Wawa if you live in Philly... Or at the beach if you live in Cali.  At the gym.  At yoga.  Out at the bar.  At a show.  Anywhere that other people are... We meet people.

Just like if you wait long enough... You wake up on a February 29th.  It does happen if you wait long enough.  Otherwise no one would ever get married.

But it doesn't happen to everyone at an optimal level on the mutual interest scale.

So most of the people you meet are not February 29th.  Even if they are a high enough number and you are as well for it to lead to a relationship... it might never because you might never have the situation that will lead to love, or at least one of the lower levels of love.

Two people alone watching a movie on a couch and drunk on wine of any level of compatibility above a 1 will probably be enough of a situation to lead to the start.

The start is basically going beyond strangers... Beyond friends... Beyond anything acceptable in public.  Any intimate act.  Kissing... or anything beyond that.

Let's use the drunk on a couch with a movie situation in all examples of compatibility levels.  What is a compatibility level?

Ok so there are different levels of compatibility.  SO for myself to EVERYONE else on this planet... I have a compatibility rating of 0 to 10.  Then every other person on the planet also has a compatibility rating of 0 to 10.

Out there somewhere there is a girl that looks at me and she says to herself wow... Like... he's a 10.  I could totally fall in love with him and never want another guy on the planet ever.  Then there is a girl out there that I say to myself... is a 10.  I could fall in love with her and never want anyone else on this planet.

So most people that are in relationships...  I feel, are lower on the compatibility chart.  When lower numbers meet one another they will stick together until something happens in the situation chart to break them up.  Or until they meet someone of a higher number.

Situations can include things that bring people together... Like a work xmas party where everyone gets drunk at the bar.  Or situations can break people apart... Like fighting over bills.

Now any number can meet any other number at any point through life.

I could be anywhere in public and meet anyone of any number.  Most people I meet are 0.

Obviously if most people weren't 0 we'd all just be walking around wanting to jump one another's bones.  SO it makes sense that love is a leap year.  It makes sense that it's rare.  Otherwise society would fall apart.

You want most people to not find one another attractive.  Or to feel romantic interest in each other.  You want it to be rare.

Then every now and then there's a 1 or a 2.  Or maybe a 3 or 4.  Maybe you're out at quizzo or karaoke and you meet a 4.  Or maybe you are just out with friends for drinks.  You both start chatting...

But maybe you're both not 4s... maybe you're a girl and a guy walks up to you.  That guy to you is only a 2.  You have some interest.  But to him you're a 4.  So he's much more interested.  Right there... it's off balance.  Right there... the next 6 months will end.  And they will have ended no matter what each person did because fundamentally to her he was a 2 will always be a 2.  And to him she's a 4 and will always be a 4.

If they were stranded on a desert island... They could have stayed together for the rest of their lives...

But both people as they move through time meet new people...  SO the following happens:

Here's an example... Person A is a 2 to Person B and Person B is a 4 to Person A when they meet.  They stay together for about 6 months... Then an 8 comes long for Person B.  Obviously the 8 is strong enough to push the 2 out of the way.  So person B breaks up with Person A because the attraction is so strong they are absolutely totally driven to be with that person.  But now you have an 8 and a 4.  So the 8 treats the 4 unkind.  Even though the 2 that they were previously with treated them like gold.

The roles reverse.  The 4 to the 2 was always going over the top because the 2 just had less interest.  It's a seemly one way relationship of that person always fighting for attention.  For love.  Now the 4 is fighting for the 8.  But it won't last because the number spread is just too far apart.

To people on the outside it makes no sense.  They see a person that was with someone nice and is now with someone else that just seems to treat them like crap.  But it's because the mutual attraction scale is miss matched.  At a lower level both people care less... So it's one of those relationships where people are just like "I think they are together?".

If you have a 1 and a 2 together.... It's like not hot an steamy at all.  It's one of those situations where they are like... One person is dating the other because they don't have enough money to afford rent and so they eventually move in with each other because they need to save money.

And maybe they eventually get married because one of them has healthcare benefits and they need the benefits of the other person.

There's virtually no romantic interest.  it's just one of those... Is what it is.

That's a 1 and a 2.  Or maybe a 2 and a 3.  They never say "I love you" to one another.  To say it is like a chore.  The guy spends his nights playing video games.  The girl spends her nights avoiding him.  Every now and then they have sex.

A 1 and a 10 situation would be an old rich guy and a 25 year old model.  Or a 0 and a 10 would be a famous actor or actress or musician with an obsessed fan.

The famous actress has no interest at all in this obsessed fan.  But to this regular joe schmo guy who is a nobody has a 10 for this actress.

Of course this Joe Schmo has a coworker that thinks he a 4.  He thinks she's a 1.  Every year at the xmas party they get drunk and end up making out.

Every year she thinks something might happen with him and every year he tells this girl she's nothing compared to this Hollywood actress.

Meanwhile the other rich guy is probably TOTALLY crazy in love with his 25 year old model.  SO he's a 10 to this "hot thing".  But she's all like a 1 to him... just because she wants his money when he croaks.

That brings us to a leap year.  A leap year is when two higher numbers get together.  A leap year is that couple that met, dated, got serious, moved in together, set a date, got married, and now have a kid and have been together ever since.

I'm going to say a leap year doesn't have to be two 10s.  I would say two 10s are nearly impossible.  I would argue there are only a dozen two 10s in the world.  I would say there are hundreds of two 9s... maybe thousands of two 8s.

Hundreds of thousands of two 7s.  7 to 10s are those people that live into their 90s and both people are still in love after like 70 years of marriage.

That's rare.  Super rare.  It requires a lot of luck of both people meeting high numbers.  And having a drunk on the couch situation to initiate love in the first place.

Although I feel as though if two people above a 6 both meet... The attraction should be strong enough that they hint at one another that they will end up at some point kissing drunk on a couch no matter what.

This brings us to 5s.  5s are leap years.  5s are what you want.  Obviously you want above a 5 but a 5 is good enough to end in marriage.  But common enough to be real.

It's enough of a mutual attraction to induce a wedding.  But low enough on the scale for the odds of it to actually happen to be more realistic.  It's a trade off.  It's a compromise.  Because we all can't be two 10s.

I'd settle for two 5s.  I think most people would.

I feel like two 5s are maybe a million people are a 5 to you.  So out of all the billions of people on  this planet... that means each person has a million 5s.

That means you just need two 5s to cross paths.  Then have drunk on the couch watching a movie to induce a kiss.

That's enough for them to get together and eventually fall in love enough to cross the threshold to marry.

So, I'm not looking for a 10... Or even a 9... or 8 or 7 or 6... I'm just looking for a 5.  I'm looking for a common love.  A lover that shows up every 4 years.  It's rare.... But it's there from time to time.

A 5 and a 6 works too.  As long as each person is within one number of one another... 2 or more numbers apart and you start to get major problems.

This is how things were with the last girl I fell for.  She was WAY up there on the scale for me... but I was lower on the scale for her.

A 5 and 5.  Because everything is best in moderation... Including love.