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Do You Ever Just Feel Like There Isn’t Anyone Out There For You?

You know?  Like, there's all these couples in love and all these married people with kids.  And they seem great and perfect for one another.  And then... I go on dates... I've dated people.  It always just goes wrong.  Either they are moving far away soon.  No one ever seems to stay in this area that I start to date.  Or they end up choosing someone else instead of me.

I don't know.  Or maybe they just kind of stop responding because they just get super busy with life.

All that is fine.  I don't care... as the saying goes, it just means they weren't the one... Or there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

But at 33, I feel like... Are there really plenty of other fish?  Or are all the fish already all paired off with other fish?

Nothing feels right either.  I know, first dates aren't supposed to feel like oh my gosh this is the one.  But you can at least feel like you are having a good time.  Most of my first dates are just not super fun.  It's just... It feels completely wrong.  Like this is not the person at all.

I've only been on a handful of first dates that felt right.  Or at least felt comfortable.  Like I could spend hours more with the person and not think much of it.

But it's not just me... It's the other person.  So when I finally do think things might go ok... Even from first messaging on the dating site (99 percent of all my first dates are from online dating because single girls don't seem to go out in public, or if they do, they hide very well because every girl I chat with in public has a boyfriend/husband/is dating someone... etc. etc.).

So they have to be interested in me.

It just feels hopeless.  I feel like I'll just end up alone.  I don't know.  I mean... I'm fine being single.  I don't care.  It's not the end f the world.  But it's just frustrating... Everyone at work is married... Pretty much most of my friends are all like "I FOUND SOMEONE!".  It's just annoying to see all these people happy and in love.  It's SOOOO ANNOYING.  I almost hate them all.

It's like almost hard for me not to just yell shut up to anyone that even mentions their significant other.  I know, it's hard not to talk about your significant other because... They are important to you.  Fine.  I get that.  It's just annoying from a single person to hear people talk about their significant others.

I really just want to yell... I don't care.  I REALLY don't care about your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.  Stop talking.  Now.  Just shut up unless you are going to talk about you.

But, I don't say that obviously.  I just think it.  And I just stand there and let them yammer on about their significant other and keep my annoyed feelings inside and try to pretend like it doesn't bother me.

I just wish I could run into someone that could at least become a girlfriend.  I'm not asking for a soulmate or whatever.  Just want someone that I feel at least a little excited about.  That I could yammer on about in conversation and be the one annoying other single people...

My girlfriend this... My girlfriend that...

That's all I'm asking for.  Is to just have someone on my mind.  Someone in my heart.  Someone I actually want to talk about in conversation.

I'm just tired of first dates that just don't feel right.  I'm tired of starting new conversations with people that I know it's just going to end eventually.

I don't know.  I just feel like... She's just not out there.  That there just isn't anyone for me.  At all.  It just makes me incredibly sad to think that.  I just feel like... living out the rest of my days alone... It just makes me sad.  I don't know.  That's all.  I know there's probably someone out there.  And I have to keep hope.  But, as I get older... It's just hard to keep that hope going that I will eventually meet someone.  And it just makes me even more annoyed/frustrated one someone opens their mouth and says "My girlfriend/my boyfriend/my wife/my husband".

And all I really want to do when they say those words is slap them across the face and yell "SHUT UP!  SHUT THE HELL UP!  I DON'T CARE!!!"

Obviously I don't.  Because it's not their fault they found love.  It's my fault that I can't seem to find love.  I mean maybe it's not my fault.  I don't know. It just feels like it is.  It could just be that me and that girl just haven't crossed paths yet.  She could be living in Seattle or something... Wondering why all her dates have gone wrong.

It could just be as simple as that.  Just need fate to kick in.

I mean you can try as hard as you like with the wrong people, but if they are the wrong people... No amount of effort will ever keep anything going.  Eventually it will end because you're just wrong for each other.  I don't know.  I'm just tired of being the only person without someone.  It's just annoying and frustrating.