BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

So What Are You Looking For On This Dating Site?

Ok, so I have this in my dating profile...  It's mind boggling how many times I got asked the SAME question over and over again.  My thing is, to me at least... I feel like this is really how a relationship should progress.  If it's not going according to these 10 steps...

It's not going.  And I'm pretty sure it never will.

To me... Both people should be on board at each step.  If one person is dragging their feet at any point... something is wrong.  Both people should be mutual on board!  It shouldn't be one person tugging the other person, yanking them by the wrist into the next step.  If someone is hesitant there's a reason why they are and... to me at least?  It's time to give up on that person and try with someone that is more willing.  And the same goes for me.  If I'm hesitant there's a reason.  And it just means they weren't the right person.

I decided to post the steps here that I have at the very beginning of my profile so here they are...

I keep getting asked over and over again the same exact question "So what are you looking for on this site".

To save some time I'll break down what I'm looking for in 10 steps:
1.) We start chatting/messaging back and forth on here to see how that goes. If it goes well we proceed to the next step.
2.) A phone call? Or maybe try texting to see how that goes. Or whatever other form on communication you might prefer. Or if we've got a pretty decent connection from just step one we go to step 3.
3.) Start meeting and going on dates. Maybe coffee, maybe tea, maybe some drinks. Maybe we just go to the park... or whatever. Go see a movie, have dinner. You know. Dates. If we like one another, and we REALLY want to spend more time with each other... you guessed it, step 4.
4.) We're dating! "Are we dating?" "Yea, I think we're dating." "Should we make it all official?" "Sure." "Cool!" "I guess we're like boyfriend girlfriend right?" "Yeah, I think we are!" "WOW!" "This rocks!" "I'm in like with you." "I'm in like with you too." This is like the handholding phase, we kiss, we hang out at one another's places, watch movies, make dinner together. Etc. etc. Do all the things that boyfriends and girlfriends do. We tell all our friends about each other. You know. And if that goes well... Ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh Step 5, step 5, ahhhh Ahha ahhh haha steeeeepppp fiiiiiiive, step fiiiiiiive... (to the tune of Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees)
5.) We make things totally official. Like Facebook official. We figure out the exact date that we decided to celebrate our 6 month and 1 year anniversary together. We do cute things like go back to the exact place we went on our first date together. Recreate our first kiss. Take cheesy photos for all of our social media and make our profile pictures of us kissing each other to annoy all our friends.
6.) Move in with one another. Perhaps.... Or at least we start considering it. As well there's heavy talk about an engagement. Where to spend our honey moon when we get married. You take me by the ring place to "look" at rings and you "suggest" the ring you want. We start thinking about wedding venues and where we want to get married. Maybe we have a disagreement about the flowers, or the color theme because I want pink and purple and you want blue and green. Or the other way around. Or we want to use blue and pink because we met on OKCupid and we want to give a shoutout to OKC.
7.) Oh my God, we're married! How the? This is amazing! We're newly weds and love birds all in one.
8.) Did we just buy a house? I think we did. I think we just signed the paperwork to buy a house together. WOW, this is all happening so fast. But we're in love and life is great. Maybe there's talk about a baby on the way.
9.) Babies!!!! Or pets. Maybe you don't want kids. Maybe just one? How about two? I'd be good with two. Or just two cats. Or a cat and a dog. Or a cat and a dog and baby. Why not? Oh gosh, I'm just so happy right now. We're living the life, we're working our dream jobs and we've got our dream house and dream cars and a cute little kiddo is roaming around.
10.) Divorce. Just kidding! No... we just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. I can't believe it. 10 years together! And I still love you more every single day. And you love me more every single day. And it's all thanks to OKCupid for bringing us together! Soulmates together at last.

So there you have it.  It should be a natural mutual progression to the next step and when each one happens it should be like both of us going... HECK YES... to the next stage of us being together.  If one of us is like... "WELL....  I don't know..." or... "maybe we should take a break for a while you know?"

I just feel like one person having to pull the other person into the future is just a bad way to get  relationship to progress.  It shouldn't be one person ahead of the other... it should be both people skipping/hopping/jumping hand in hand equally into the next phase of dating, the relationship and eventually into marriage.

But hey, I'm still single so what do I know?