BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

It’s 2:43am. I can’t seem to sleep.

It's 2:43am.  I can't seem to sleep.

I'm just going to type out some random thoughts...

Consider this a P.S. or part two if you will of my 0202 open letter...

Maybe this means nothing.  Maybe it means something.  Maybe you have no idea they did this.  Maybe it's completely coincidental.  Maybe you asked this person to connect with me.  Maybe not.  Probably not. Possibly not.  But possibly yes.  Maybe you were just talking to your friends about me.  Maybe in a good light... or maybe in a bad light.  I guess I don't know...

But what am I to make of it?

Tonight I get another follow and favorite from a mutual person to you on Instagram.

Why?

Why why why.

My heart is on a string.  And you tug at it.  It's another tug.  All I want is to talk to you.

Instead I just think.  I just don't get why this whole situation has to be the way it is...

I'm like that cat clawing up at the toy on the string.  And you yank up every time I reach a paw up.  And I miss.  I keep trying to claw up at it... but I can't ever get it.  But if I get up to walk away like the cat... You put the toy in front of me... and I claw at it again... but miss again.

You don't want me to walk away.  I think you don't want me to walk away.  Or forget you.  But why?  I don't want to walk away...  I don't want to forget you.

But I'm out of ideas.  It was just an idea.  Just like the cat has ideas as to what it's supposed to make of the toy on the string.  I feel like I'm a boy on a string, and you pull that string.  But I don't mind it somehow I guess.  I hate it.  But I like it, well not like it... But, I can't stop.  I like you, and I'll always like you.  You'll always have this key to my heart.

I want to be friends with you, but I get jealous.  That's not fair to you, it's not fair to the guy you might possibly be dating.  I shouldn't get jealous.  I shouldn't assume things or make guesses about what you are up to.  Maybe I'm just making assumptions from what you posted.

Maybe not.  Maybe I'm driving myself crazy over you.  Maybe cats drive themselves crazy trying to get the red laser pointer dot.

You're my red laser pointer dot.  My cat toy on a string that ever eludes me.  But hangs in front of me.

Sigh.

0202.  You.  What am I supposed to do with you.

I just want things to be right.  Whatever that means.  I want things to be right.  I want things to work out the way they are supposed to work out.  The way that fate is supposed to happen.  The way that the future is supposed to go.  Love... or friends... or strangers...  I know what I wish and want for... But I have to be ok with what is supposed to happen in the future.  I have to be accepting of how things turn out.  That everything happens for a reason... and eventually... this will all make sense one day...

It's just always confused me... If we're not supposed to be together... or if we aren't a good match... why are you on my mind so much?  Why do you tug at my heart?  If we're supposed to be friends... why do I get so jealous when I think you are dating someone.

Why do you affect me in such a way that you do?

Oh well.  I should just go with the flow.  Just sit back and not think about what anything means.  Just... be cool with whatever.  Just like the cat does.  Don't try to make sense of it or understand it.  I imagine cats don't try to make sense of the string toy or the red laser pointer light.  They just... go with the flow and try to catch it, not worrying about if they are ever actually supposed to get it in the end.  Maybe they will... maybe they won't.  No since over analyzing it.

Hmmmm, ok well I think I'm getting sleepy....  Going to try to sleep.