Big Party
I was thinking about a thought that I had back in freshman year of college. I would get really annoyed come the weekend because all these people would run back to their hometowns to hang out with their highschool peeps... Now I was 5 hours away and had no car. So I wasn't about to run back to my hometown. Also I didn't really have a lot of friends in highschool anyways. I wasn't very popular or cool.
But my whole point was... I was always like stop going back to the past and live in the here and now! Make new friends, make new memories... and they would always complain about how much they missed high school. I always felt like come the weekend everyone would just abandon me.
Like everyone had run off to some big party and I wasn't invited. It didn't help that I didn't drink or do any of that big partying stuff so the people who did hang around always ran off to find the booze.
But here's my thing... I think people don't deal well with new phases in life. It's like we are always trying to hold on to shreds of the past and grab what little bits we can before it all slips away. And instead of going with the future and where things are going we are still stuck on the previous. Then when we finally start to enjoy what has come into our lives, it's on it's way out. So we missed enjoying that and we are stuck on that new past and can't enjoy the new new...
If that makes sense?
Hmm, I feel like Doogie Howser at the moment... typing my thoughts before bed. Anywho... so yea. The best way to illustrate this is a song lyrics from a band called "Acceptance". The name of the song is In Too Far....
So the lyrics are: The first time i'm thinking of the last time, the last time I'm thinking of the first time.
I know for me that's totally true. OK, especially when it comes to dating...
I'm usually sitting across from the other person thinking of some other girl who doesn't talk to me anymore... this has happened litterally like dozens of times. The worst was in 2005... but now I don't even think about that girl at all anymore...
I think probably one of the most useful abilities for an individual is the ability to quickly let people/things/places/old friends/social groups go. It's hard to let new good stuff come into your life when you are stuck on old stuff.
It's just weird how it all works anyways... I mean liking stuff. I'll be sitting watching a band play, or on a first date with a girl... or just hanging out with a new group of friends at a diner... and not think a thing of it...
I don't really have any care at all in the world for it... no attachment. I'll go home and maybe that next morning, or a week later I'll just wake up and have this feeling of missing whatever it is.
This is kinda how starting to like someone or a thing is for me... each morning I wake up thinking about it more and more... I think that's sorta what falling in love is... Last thought at night, and first thought in the morning is of that person.
Love is weird and blindsides you and you have no control of stopping or starting it... it's annoying. I don't know... So I think at the moment I'm just going to say... let go of all the past and people i've known...
and let anyone new come into my heart!
So... here's to whatever happens tomorrow and the next day and the next day... and here's not NOT running home every weekend freshman year of college to try and save what's left of your high school life...
High school stays in high school...
College stays in college
and whatever happens after happens after. Those people who are meant to stay in your life... will stay in your life... but I honestly think that no one is meant to stay in your life forever...
Some will be there a few seconds as you stop at a red light...
Other a few minutes at a store in the mall...
Still others a few hours maybe at an open mic...
And others days as you work together on some weekend volunteer thing...
Months coworkers, or new friends you meet at the local pub at trivia night...
Years for some people you meet in school... or maybe coworkers...
Decades? Rare... maybe family... who knows...
Anything after that, I have no idea.
But what I do know is there is absolutely no way to tell from first meeting someone who will stay in your life for a short time period and who will stay in your life for a long time.
I know for sure that one of the people I knew the longest in my life who I met one night while she was waiting for a pizza delivery outside the dorm and I was just strumming my guitar... who would have known 8 years later we'd finally be saying our last goodbye.
Life is funny, but interesting, and you can't control when you say hello, and when you say goodbye. But one thing is for sure... eventually...
goodbyes are inevitable and unavoidable.
So are goodnights... soooo on that note i'm off to sleep. Goodnight all!
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