BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

28Oct/170

All These Weddings Happening

I feel like every time I log into Facebook... Someone is either counting down the days to a friend's wedding, or their own wedding.

I'm just like... When is it my turn to do the count down?

I guess it will happen some day.  Just have to be patient.  Just haven't met her yet.

I feel like I just won't meet her until I make some big move somewhere new.  I mean, I don't hate this area or anything like that... But I've just never had much luck dating here.  Any the only relationships I've been in were with women not from around these parts.

So I guess it makes sense.  I've had several people say to me that I have to just make big changes in my life to meet someone.  Some have said that's how they met their own significant others.

Right now I've got nothing as far as romantic interests.

For whatever reason though, we just haven't met yet.  But I keep hope that she's out there somewhere and eventually, we'll cross paths one day.

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26Oct/170

Sex Versus Beer and Conversation

Would I like to have sex?  Yes.  Oh gosh... Yes.  Can I have sex?  No.  Sadly.  Not since Trump became president.  I'm pretty certain that I won't be able to hit on woman for the next few years until someone else becomes president.

Trump has made dating or any interaction with women downright impossible until he's no longer president.

Oh well.  It is what it is.  It's been a good year and half so far.  And you know, it's not horrible without sex.  Would I like sex?  Yeah.  Am I okay without it?  Eh.  I'm fine.

This is why there's beer.  Basically, I go out a lot... I drink beer a lot, I have conversations with interesting guys a lot.

It's not too bad.  If someone were to say to me... That's all you're going to get for the rest of your life and you'll never be able to have sex again...

I'd say... Eh, at least there's beer and conversation...

And and at least I have a million dollars in the bank.

What?

I mean... okay... So that's not entirely true... My net worth is more like I'm a 900 thousandaire.  But, the point is... That's a lot of beer money.

My thing is... Should some woman decide to hit on me, I would be a resounding yes.  But given our current political environment, I'm not even going to so much as bother trying to hit on any women at all.  Forget it.  It's just that kind of situation where no woman so much as even wants to be smiled at in public by any man who isn't already her husband.

But can you blame any of them?

Certainly not.

SO my thing is... Heck, I might just have 3 or 4 beers every night of the week now.  But to be honest, it's only because I'm single, and 35 and have no one to come home to.

Would I trade never having a drink ever again to meet that special someone?  You bet.

It is what it is.

Anyways so, the second best thing I settle for is booze and conversation with some intersting dudes.

Tonight I got to chat  with a guy who helps run the Macy's Day parade.  He was a cool guy.  I started talking to him after this running club thing.  Basically we run and then we drink beer.  It's every Thursday night.  I love it so far.  I'll probably be there pretty much every Thursday.  Some people show up some weeks and not others.  Some are there EVERY week.  I'm trying to be there most weeks.  It's just something to do.  You know?

So, anyways.  I'm curious to know how the conversations go each week.  It's like you can't predict what will happen from one week to the next.

Oh and last night I tired to go to this open mic, which I thought was at Split Rail in West Chester.  It turns out it was at Box Car Brewing... I mean they are both train related names.

This week wasn't bad.  I had some good beer and good food.  And I also got a lot written in my book.  Next week I'll be at Box Car.

Play a few songs, hang out... Have a few beers.

Life is good.

Woud I trade it all to have sex?  Oh my god, yes.  Can I trade it all??  No.  It's not my decision.

It's up to whatever woman decides to consent to me.  That could be in the next week, it could be in the next year, it could be in the next decade, and it could be never.

So, in the mean time... I drink beer and then get into interesting conversations with other dudes.  Such is life.

Like I said before, at least I've got money in the bank and I'm single.  I could not be a 900 thousandaire and still be just single... At least I've got a nice amount of beer money in the bank so I can consume an adequate amount of beer to forget how painfully single I am.

But it's okay.  I'd rather spend an night drunk and in some random conversation with some dude than to be with a woman who didn't consent to us being with one another.

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25Oct/170

Feeling Strangely Fine

There's an album by a band named Semisonic.  It's called Feeling Strangely Fine.  That's kind of how I'm feeling today.

I guess it's just one of those days where you feel strangely fine.  I don't know.... Haha, it's not like I have any particular reason to feel strangely fine.  It's not just a regular fine.  It's definitely a strangely fine.

I guess it's one of those... What can you do kind of feels.

Anyways... That's really it, just kind of feeling strangely fine.  Tomorrow after work I'm going to go check out an open mic.  I'm not going to play it, just check it out.  I'll play it next week.

Thursday is running club again.  I enjoy running club because it's so low key.  Show up, don't show up, run 5 miles if you like, or run 5 feet.  Drink a beer after.  They don't care.  All are welcome.

And also, both the times I've gone so far, I've gotten into some kind of fun or interesting conversation.  Last week I found out one of my old coworkers has two kids.  When she left she didn't have any kids.  So, that was interesting to not only meet someone who ended up knowing someone I used to work with, but also to find out new information about someone I used to work with.  We'll see what kind of conversation happens this week!

And with that, I'm off to bed... Tomorrow is a new day.

In the words of the band Semisonic... Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.  Actually, I think I read that the band stole that from Socrates or something.  But, as far as this post goes, we'll credit Semisonic.

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23Oct/170

Two Londoners

Tonight I went out to Iron Hill to work on my book.  I got a pizza and two pints.  I wrote a paragraph... And then started a conversation with two Londoners.

Super nice guys.  Both of them were from London, but met their wives, who are from the states, and moved here.

One guy said he actually moved up from Florida, Fort Lauderdale to be exact, because he just didn't like it there.  He thought everything was fake and plastic feeling.

I found that interesting.  I mean, okay I've never lived there... But he genuinely said that having lived in many places, including London, NYC, and lots of other places, that Philadelphia was the most real city he'd lived in.  He said he really truly liked Philly because the people here are just so much more genuine and real.

I guess?  I mean, I feel like there's probably a mix of people everywhere.

He said he really didn't like Florida at all.  He said the people there are just, for the most part, fake.  I decided to defend the area and I said, I'm sure there are probably some people that are like that, and some people that are more genuine.

He said he didn't enjoy living in that area and would not move back.

I mean, I guess some people like it, and some don't.

His advice to me was to go live there for a year and I would "see what he means".  As of right now I have no plans to live in Fort Lauderdale for a year.  So, I'll just have to take his word for it.

Anyways, it was fun conversation on the whole, we talked about everything under the sun.  I got about 2 paragraphs written between chats, which I don't think is too bad.  I'm just getting closer to finishing it, which is my only goal at this point.

Tomorrow I'm off from work.  I think I'm going to sleep in, continue some more yard work and try to get a bunch of things accomplished from my to-do list.  I also plan to practice songs to go play an open mic on Wednesday.  Thursday is running club.  Ideally I'd like to make each night of the week have some activity to just be out and about...

Running club
Open mic
Karaoke maybe?
Quizzo

That kind of stuff.

The thing about going out that I've learned is, it's better to do the same activity week after week.  If you go to recurring activities where you see the same people again and again, it's a better experience than the one time, never see people again, thing.

So, running club, for example, is the same people over and over again.  So, you get that experience where you see the person again after seeing them before, and you're like... "YOOOOO!!!! WHAT'S UP???  HOW WAS YOUR WEEK????"

You can't get that going out to a one time event.  The key is to do something where it repeats.  Repeating is the key to building friendships, and or the possibility of a relationship.  That's the key.  It has to be something that happens over and over again.  One time things are no good.

One of the running club people still maintains that if I go to running club long enough, I'll meet someone there.  I don't know.  I mean, okay, to be fair, I like to run, and go on runs, but I'm not a runner.

I mean, heck, I'm not really much of anything.  I just do stuff.  But I'm fringe.  I do things that I do, but I'm not officially anything.  I'm a jack of all trades, master of none.  Most people have at least one thing they are "legit" at.  That they are career focused at becoming or doing.

I feel like I just haven't found that yet.  I'm still testing the waters with lots of things.

Which I guess is okay.  Maybe it's not.  I mean, who knows.

Right now my main goals are to keep cleaning out the house, reduce the clutter... streamline my life, increase my passive income (the surf salary), tackle the projects I have on my to-do list, write music, finish this book... Find better ways to do things more efficiently in general in my life.

And keep going to things that may hopefully one day lead to me meeting that special someone.  I'm open to pretty much anything that might come my way.

I've decided that... Whatever happens, happens.  I've also decided that when it comes to love no matter what, I'll always be here and waiting for Miss Daylight.  So, let's say I do meet someone at running club.  Let's say her and I even start dating... Should Miss Daylight ever change her mind and decide she's interested in me... I'd break up with this person for her.  Let's say running club girl and I are in a long term relationship... I'd still break up with her for Miss Daylight.

I mean, let's say I meet someone anywhere, running club or not... Maybe out at an open mic... Or whatever.  Even if I were married.

Miss Daylight could still just say the word...

5 years from now... 10 years from now... 20 years from now... Doesn't matter.  I could be married 10 years in and have kids and whatever... If she were interested, I'd be there.  I'd separate from whoever I was with, file for divorce... And I'd be there.

Anyways for now, I'm single as can be.  I have no idea where life will lead me.  Who knows... I'll just keep floating on down this crazy ride in the river of life and seeing what comes next.  Maybe the book will get published.... Maybe I'll make billions in the stock market, or maybe I'll finally write that top of the charts number one tune.

Or maybe I end up somewhere new in a year or two and then life takes a completely different turn that I didn't even see coming... I guess only time will tell.  The two Londoners said that before they met their significant others their lives were completely different, with completely different wants and desires and that they never saw themselves ending up in Philadelphia... So... I guess life takes you where it wants to when it wants to.  For now, I'm here, waiting for life to take me where it wants to take me.

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22Oct/170

Wonder What You’re Up To

I wonder what you're up to... You know what's weird, is, every other person I've known, I don't really think too much about how they're doing.  ESPECIALLY if it's someone I've dated and they have met someone else.  Then I don't care at all.

Theoretically if you're still with that same guy since it's been, what, like 3 years now... You totally are probably married by now.

In which case, I shouldn't think about you anymore.

But I still do.

I don't know... I guess I just wonder what's going on with you.  Job and career stuff... Did you finally decide to buy a house there in Florida?  Do you plan to stay in Florida for a long long long long time?  Or are you charting your next big move?

Just stuff like that... What's new and exciting in your world.  I think about that.

But the thing is, I suppose while I want to know, let's theoretically say you are anymore near getting married, or living with another dude, even if it's not that one that I stopped reading your stuff for... Or if you are already married...

I don't want to know.  You know?

So, I want to, and I think about you, but... At the same time, I don't.  So, I guess I just stay in this thing where I think about you, but just keep it at that.  I think bout you... and that's just how it is.

Of course, I still see Plantation Florida hits from time to time in the analytics, so I mean... It's not like, I'm thinking about someone who is entirely not at all 100 percent thinking of me... I guess?  I mean, sure maybe you're interested in someone else... But every now and then there's that look back... So there has to be some kind of interest even if it's a little teeny tiny itty bitty amount of curiosity.

So basically we both just want to know what each other is up to.  I suppose.  But why?  I don't get that.  Why do we want to know what each other is up to?

Do you know why you want to know what I'm up to?  I mean, isn't it weird?  Does it make any sense to you at all?  Does it make sense to you that you even have the desire, even if it's only once a month, to check my blog?  But theoretically, we shouldn't be curious to know what each other is up to?  You know?  But we are.  I guess it is something I've never understood.

I wonder if you read my Facebook too, or Twitter... I need to story tweet more and finish my story.  I also want to change my Facebook to click this button I found that makes all my status updates private going backwards.  I don't know why I eve bother posting to Facebook anymore.  It's not fun or enjoyable.  I mean, the only reason I made it unprivate was so you could see it.  But I'm not entirely sure you read that.  Of course there's no analytics on Facebook.  But I don't really have any strong feelings either way about posting or not posting.  People sure as heck like to read it.  So, I just post crap for people's amusement to keep them guessing.  Which is probably not how you're supposed to use Facebook... But, it was either that or just stop posting in general.

Anyways... I like posting here more because basically I know you read it.  It's not that I just want to know you read my stuff... I want to read your stuff.  I mean, obviously I wanted WAY more than that... But, that's where we're at now.

In 2010 I got to see you in person...

In 2017... I get to see a little dot on the screen.

And all the time in between 2010 and 2017... I spent that time thinking about you non-stop.

I really liked you.  A LOT.  I really did.  I mean, still do, I guess... But, given that you used to read this pretty much daily and now you only visit... Maybe weekly or every couple weeks...

I guess I try hard to not like you anymore.

It takes a lot of effort though to push you out of my mind, and it's not even something I want to do.

But there you go.  Now you know.  I suppose if it were mutual, all you would have had to do was contact me... Which is really why I haven't contacted you.  I figured if you wanted to be in contact with me, you'd contact me.  And since you don't... You just visit here from time to time.

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21Oct/170

Think About You

It's funny how much I think about you.  I can't explain it, but I think about you a lot.  Like, I just want to know all the details.  Isn't it weird?  For someone I don't even talk to and you don't talk to me... I sure do think about you often.

I wonder exactly what you're doing right now.  Hmmm...

I don't know.  Just can't seem to get you off my mind.  You're there all the time.  Miss Daylight... That you are.  Always on my mind.  And I don't know why.

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21Oct/170

Just Say So

So, the other night I went on a first date with someone... She met me for a first date... We got a beer.  Then when it came time to either close out the tab, or have a second one... She was interested in having a second one.

SO, we had a second beer.  We chatted for over 2 hours.

So, I was texting her after we met up and she was responding.  Then out of the blue I get a screen cap of our text exchange back and forth and there's a caption with that screen capture from the phone texting that says "This is a guy I recently went on a date with, I was hoping he would just stop responding."

She obviously meant to send it to a friend.  But she sent it to me on accident.

It's just another in a string of first dates I've been on recently.  The one before that just stopped responding after the date without any explanation.

But I thought that if you weren't interested and you even wanted me to stop responding... Why not just say that?

Why not just say you aren't interested.  Why did you even have the second beer on the first date and stay and chat?

I don't get it.  It just makes no sense to me.  If you weren't interested even from the moment we met in person, just say it then, don't even have a beer let alone two beers, let alone respond to me after the first date...

It just feels like it's sending the wrong signal.  Like you're leading me on.

If you aren't interested, just say so.  But don't make it seem like you're interested while you hope I stop texting you.

How am I supposed to know that?

At this point in dating... It's just so hopeless.

I mean, it's such an uphill battle.  It's impossible.  Like I sad in my previous post, I just don't think dating in this area is ever going to work.  Basically I'll just go about my life until I move somewhere completely new.  I think the move is going to have to be at least 500+ miles to a completely different area.  I don't know what it is about the dating prospects around this area, but it's just hard to date around this area.

I mean, all I really ask for is that she's honest and genuine.

I don't care if you don't have feelings for me... Just say that though.  Don't kind of keep taking to me, or kind of go for the second beer.  If you aren't interested, just say so, so that I can try with the next person and stop wasting time with you.

It just makes no sense.  I want a relationship... I want someone who is genuinely interested and I keep getting involved with women who just lead me on and drag my heart around.  I guess I just don't understand the point of that?  Why lead a guy on?  What's the point?  If you know that eventually you don't want it to go al the way to marriage, why even spend any effort in any way involved with the guy?

What's the point?  It's just mean.

I don't know.  It just makes no sense to me.  You either date someone and you have interest, or you just tell the person you aren't interested and you walk away.  But to be not interested, but to still kind of be interacting with the person still... I guess I just don't get why?

I know I'll meet her once I finally make a big move, that's what a lot of people have told me.  That I have to basically sell my house, and move somewhere brand new that is a brand new area that I've never lived in before.  I've had a lot of people tell me that.  So, that's the plan.  Move somewhere new new in a completely different area where the people are totally different and the culture and atmosphere is totally different.  And that's when I'll meet her.

I'm just looking for that one... That one genuine heart who truly wants a relationship and who is truly genuinely interested.  I haven't found it yet, but I just have to keep hoping that it is out there and that a genuine honest person is out there who wants the whole marriage deal and all that stuff.  For right now, it's just been nothing but frustration and heart ache always getting my hopes up and liking women who don't end up having mutual feelings back.

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20Oct/170

The First Rule of Running Club

The first rule of running club is, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball... Wait, no, that's the movie Dodgeball.

The first rule is there are no rules.

For reals though, it's a come and go as you please club.  There's no cost, and no requirement.  Show up, run, have a beer.  Chat, mix, and mingle.

So far I've gone twice.  I'm enjoying it.  One of the running club peoples has this wild and crazy idea that I'll meet the love of my life there.  I think it's a fun idea, but not practical.

I mean, we're all wearing run garb, and we're all sweaty.  And then we're all standing around having beer after in our run garb sweaty and what not.

Not sure how love could possibly form out of that.  Most people when they meet are all dolled up and decked out.

But hey I'm open to anything I guess.

My thing is... I'm mostly just wasting time.  I'm not really expecting to meet anyone special until I move to an entirely new area.  That's the way love goes.  You gotta change your life a complete 180 in order to meet someone.  I don't know why that is but that's just the way it is.

Right now I'm focused on cutting costs, and increasing re-investment to my surf income fund.

I was reading an article the other day on people who retired under 40... They all did the same thing, they lowered their standard of living, or kept it the same, while their income climbed.

Instead of climbing the lifestyle, you keep the lifestyle static.  Then reinvest the income to produce more income, and as the income climbs, you keep reinvesting it more and more, and the income climbs more... But you don't spend anymore money than you were spending previously.

Basically my goal is to do music and writing and acting and everything creative full time.  And who care if I make any money at it or ever become successful because I'm making enough money to sustain my meager lifestyle from my investments alone.

Anyway so right now my surf salary is still low... 272 bucks a month, but I'm determined to get it over 300 in the next few months.  I'm also determined to do activities that don't add much to my monthly costs, like running club on Thursdays.  Or open mics on Wednesdays.  Or Starbucks and the gym.

But as that number climbs above 300 and then 400, I will just keep reinvesting it into income generating investments, the more I make, the more I invest and in turn, the more I make.

Because I don't intent to increase my living standard.  If anything I want to scale down, and continue to figure out how to spend even less and less while figuring out how to increase my income more and more.  Ideally I'd like it where I'm living off my investments and only spending half my investment income and reinvesting the other half so that my half investment income keeps going up because half is being reinvested which increases the half that I'm not investing back in.

So, for now, I run with running club, and waste time until I move somewhere new and start a new life going to acting gigs and trying to play shows and write books and try to make movies and all that good creative stuff.

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16Oct/170

Outta My Hair

I'm not exactly sure what I just watched...

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14Oct/170

Backseat Passenger Seat Driver’s Seat

This post is going to get a little weird.  Most of my posts are weird, so that's not much out of the norm.  But today was definitely strange.

Now, I know, we all perceive things from our own view in life.  And our mind has ways of playing tricks on us to make us see things that are there, or see patterns where there are not patterns... But, in my own view, the following is just what I've perceived to have observed.

So... As we know, there's this girl, Kara... Miss Daylight... A girl that, for whatever reason, has taken up lots of time in my brain.

Well... There's also this guy, Eddie.  He and my mom went to highschool together, they went to grade school together... They basically were born in the same crib together.

So, Eddie's son Dan... is a kid I used to babysit.  Basically Eddie and his family and our family have been intertwined in life since I was a little kid.

Well, in 2009/2010 Kara entered my life path.  Previously our lives had not been intertwined... ANNNND then... I met her.

Now, Eddie was a super busy guy... Giving himself to the world and basically being everywhere and all over helping so many people, being a positive light in so many lives.  Because of this he would kind of pop into my life every so often, but the be super busy again and I wouldn't hear from him or see him for many months or what have you.

I'm trying to convey what I've experienced in words... Which is not easy, but, I'm sort of trying to figure out the best way to put it.

In 2010 basically I dated Kara for a very little sliver of time... During that time we dated she referred to dating me as kind of like dating Michael Cera... I'll come back to this.

So, basically Kara and I entered each other's lives... Then... For all intents and purposes we had these periods of time where we wouldn't talk.  And then we would.  And then we wouldn't.  And then we would...

Here's what's weird... So, with all that quick backstory... Right before Kara Daylight and I would start talking again... Eddie would contact me.

Never failed.  Always.  If I got a phone call from Eddie... I knew Kara was going to start talking to me again.

And this is going to get EXTRA weird here... But while Kara and I were actually dating, she sent me a photo via email of her and her dad and mom and sister on a beach from when she was young.  It's probably still somewhere in my email archive.  But the thing I noticed was that her dad and Eddie... Looked a lot alike.

I told you this was going to be weird.  It's true though.  Eddie and her dad just had a similar look about them.  If you compared photos of both of them at the same ages... They definitely looked a quite similar to one another.

Anyways... so each time Eddie would say hello... Kara would say hello.

Then in 2013... Kara and I stopped talking.  Shortly there after, Eddie passed.  Kara and I haven't really talked since.  We talked a little bit once more but that was kind of it...

So, I'm at this movie today that Dan, Eddie's son, directed.  And a music video was made for the movie... Michael Cera made the music for the music video.  I find it weird that Kara had said dating me felt like dating Michael Cera and here's a connection to Eddie through his son's movie, where Michael Cera made a song and music video for the movie.

I don't know...

The whole movie came about because the main star of the movie was one of Eddie's students and Dan and her were friends and remained friends after Eddie passed.  There's a lot more to it than that... I mean... But the movie came kind of out of an idea when Eddie passed.

But it was just something weird that has always boggled my mind... Why were experiences with Eddie, our longtime family friend, usually intertwined with experiences involving Kara?

There's a lot more that happened, but basically that's the gist of it.

Now that all backstory is there...

Today was definitely extra weird though because today I drove Eddie's car.  See when Eddie passed he left the car to Dan and Dan drives it, but today Dan had a dizzy spell and so I drove his car for him back to his Aunt and Uncle's house so he could get checked out.

The last time I was at their house was Eddie's funeral.

And the time before that it was for a Thanksgiving dinner because my mom was in the hospital and Eddie invited me to have dinner there.

But the last time I rode in his car, the car that I was driving today, I rode in the backseat to take my mom down to the hospital, and then rode the passenger seat while he drove and was talking to him about Kara.

So I guess it's just been a strange day.

One of the things I think about often though is that in the summer of 2013, Kara and I were talking....

Then my sister came up to visit and we had a small scuffle, and that's kind of when Kara and I stopped talking.

Shortly after that I decided not to go to my sister's wedding because I kind of blamed her for the reason why Kara and I weren't talking to one another.

I was supposed share a hotel room with Eddie.

The morning of my sister's wedding, Eddie woke up with stroke symptoms.  He went to my mom's room and her friend's room and they called 911.

If I had been in the room with him when he had the first symptom and called 911 maybe even 5 minutes earlier... Would he still be alive today?

I guess I wonder that.

But if Eddie were still alive, would my mom still be alive?  When he passed, she got really sad, and maybe her health declined faster because he was gone.

Like I said, this post probably won't make any sense to anyone but me... And it's all about how we perceive the world.  And maybe things aren't there that I THINK are there.

Same car, different seats.

Maybe it's a weird mystery.  Maybe it's meant to teach me something.  I'm not sure really.  But what I know is that there was definitely some kind of connection between Eddie and Kara... And that communication with both ended that summer in 2013 when Kara and I stopped talking and shortly after Eddie passed.

Maybe it's all connected, maybe it's not.

But it was definitely weird to be driving Eddie's car today when the last time I had been in the car I was in the passenger seat talking to him about Miss Daylight.  Maybe I was supposed to be there to help Eddie in that hotel room that day in 2013... Or maybe I was supposed to be there today to help Dan instead.

Maybe I just think about things too much.

Oh, and tonight I'm going to Malvern out to a bar there to have drinks for a friend's birthday party...

Guess where Kara lived when we first met?  Malvern.

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