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The Second Thing

I kind of feel like Clay from 13 Reasons Why right now.  I mean, okay not really, like not that... Okay not at all.

But here's the thing... Well, it's the second thing...

I'm still thinking about that crush.  Last night, she was in my dream.... Okay, stop, not like that... She actually was telling me how much she wasn't interested in me.

I think she's starting to fade though.  I mean, I feel like she's not.  Well, if she weren't popping into my dreams to tell me she's not interested... Then... She would be fading.

Although she never actually TOLD me she wasn't interested... At least with words... She just said it with body language.

She said it LOUD and clear with her body language.  SOOOO many times.

Also, she kind of is with someone else... Soo you know how it goes.

Anyways, that's not the second thing...

The second thing is this...

Her and I aren't friends.  We're not friends on social media.  We don't talk.  We barely spoke at camp, this year, last year, the year before...

I don't know, it's pretty obvious that the crush is pointless and not mutual in any capacity.

It's PAINFULLY obvious.

Again, not the point.  I realized this which is why I'm purposely trying not to think about her.

Anyways... Here's the second thing... I feel like Clay because it's like she's a ghost, at least to me.

Like, I can't really contact her, that would be awkward and I would have no real reason to or way to really do it without it being... Just freakin' weird.

Anyway, that's the point.  In 13 Reasons Why Clay keeps being reminded of Hannah... And... You guessed it, I keep being reminded of camp crush girl...

She doesn't know it.  And, I think I'd prefer to keep it that way.

But, it's like that, Just like Clay can't talk to Hannah, I can't talk to her.  I legitimately and honestly miss just seeing her around, I miss even just the casual hey what's up...

It's stupid...

Right?  Of course it is.


So, I've kind of started doing what I do best in this situation...

A) I started another book.  Yep.  You heard right. And guess who the muse is... Camp crush girl.  Hey, it's what I do best.  I like a girl I can't have, and instead, I make her into a fictional character.  It's happened before and... It's happening again.

B) I want to travel to Portland, Oregon.  Why?  Because that's where she's from.  I know, it sounds kind of foolish, but, I did this before.  I made trips to... you guessed it, Northern NJ... while I was writing book number one.

Why would I do something so strange and obviously fool hearted?

Because, A) it's good inspiration for the book... But B) it's.... Well, just like the first time it happened, I had this theory that I people from a specific area are similar.

It's a stupid theory.

People from a specific area are not similar... I mean, sometimes they have the same accent... Or some specific qualities that might be somewhat similar...

For the most part, they aren't the same people.  Obviously, you can't just go to an area where someone is from and find a duplicate copy of the person you like.  And who's to say the second person you meet would like you anyway?

Sounds crazy right?

That's because it is.

See, here's the thing, there's actually science to back up that when a guy likes a girl, he can't think straight.

Go ahead and look it up.  When a guy is taken with a woman... It jumbles his thoughts.  It's true.

That's what happens to me.  It's kind of the ultimate why I can't end up with someone I like.  Because of the catch 22, when I like someone, I can't think when I'm around her.

When you don't like someone all that much, you think perfectly clear.

Weird, but true.

Anyway, so, that's my second thing... As I watch another episode of 13 Reasons Why... I just think about camp crush girl and how there's no possible way to ever contact her, or have it ever be anything more than me, thinking about someone, who will never be in my life in any capacity other than a casual hello if she returns to camp again and I return to camp again.

I do know that she's going back to Portland after camp, but I have no interest in traveling to Portland to find her...

I do have interest in traveling to Portland to do book research and to possibly meet someone...

Not like her though.  Here's my thought, I think, there's a reason why, not 13 of them, but just one... I think there's a reason why I developed this crush...

Okay maybe 2 reasons why.  Reason 1, to write this book, and reason 2, to travel to Portland... Possibly to meet someone else.

Hey, you never know.

But that's where I'm at now.  That's the second thing.


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