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The One Thing

So... This is probably weird.  Or not.

I mean, It probably is, and by probably, I mean, it is.  TOTALLY.  But I'm just going to pretend it's not.  And I'm TOTALLY safe from it being weird.... As long as she never reads it.

And let's be real, the odds of her finding and knowing about my blog, and reading it, are next to none.  Soo...

I'm pretty safe from it ever being weird!

Or at least, pretending it's not weird.

It's weird though for sure.

Anyway, so, my two weeks at camp this year were definitely not the usual run of the mill deal.


See previous posts.

But hey, I'm back home and back to my usual stuff...

Every now and then though, I think of something, one very specific thing.  And I KEEP thinking of it.

Like, it keeps popping up in my mind.  Why?  I don't know.  It just does.

It's just this reoccurring thought.

You want to know what it is?

It's this one night I was in the main office working on things on my laptop... Actually, to be exact, it was the night after I didn't sleep.

It was the night that I was approached by the one I had a crush on and she apologized for what happened.

Not that I'm really clear as to why she apologized because it's not like she really had anything to do with it and it wasn't her fault.

Like, she was "part of it" but not because of her own doing.  She just got intertwined into it accidentally just like I did accidentally.

She didn't plan any of it, we just ended up crossing paths at the same time for whatever reason and things just happened the way they happened.

Anyway, that's not the one thing.

So, we're in the office eating these "All Dressing" potato chip, which are amazing by the way, and this was right around the time that she approached me to say "Thanks for being a bro last night".

Which is also not the one thing.

But the one thing is the following...

SO she's sitting there chatting with her fellow GLs.  A GL is short for Group Leader.  It means you are in charge of counselor.  You're like a second level counselor.

She's sitting there chatting with them, and I'm pretending not to be listening in, but, I'm kind of hearing every single word because... It's hard to not pay attention to someone you have a crush on.

Even though you already know they are totally with someone else.

That's the problem with feelings and crushes and all that crap, it makes you do stuff you don't want to do.

Again, not the one thing... I'm getting to it.

So, the one thing, is that the Travel Coordinator, comes out and mentions something about Melatonin for sleep.

The Travel Coordinator is like one of the head staff people.  They aren't counselors.  They are, not really "above that", but they are just in a position where they aren't directly in charge of campers in a cabin.  AKA, being cabin staff.

The org chart for camp is a little complex.  I mean, not really, but, it's not super relevant to this post.

Okay, SO... The one thing...

So, the crush girl says something back about how she takes it all the time because she often can't sleep.  And someone says, "Why not?"

And she says, because she stays up thinking.

That's the one thing I'm thinking about.

She stays up thinking.

Like, lays awake thinking.

She has to take it because otherwise she'll stay up thinking.

And now I'm just like... Thinking about what?

Now I can't stop thinking about what she's thinking about when she stays up thinking.

I'm sort of like, stuck on it.

I don't get it.

I'm sure it's just stuff she thinks about.  But now I wonder, what else does she think about.  And now I'm wondering...

What else has she crossed paths with.  What kind of things has she gone through... I mean, obviously that's personal.

And so, I'm just like, that's not really for me to know.

It's not for anyone to know unless she wants to tell someone.

I guess I just can't stop being curious about what she said...

It kind of got my attention even more than she had my attention.

So, now I'm thinking about what she thinks about when she can't fall asleep, but also not so much what, but just the fact that she's a thinker.

See, I feel like some of the most interesting people I've met are always those who think a lot.

So, if she needs a sleep aid to turn off her thoughts at night before she goes to sleep, she's a thinker... And that really kind of captured my attention even more.

It's almost like, there's something about her and this whole situation this year... Something curious about it, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

But now I can't stop thinking about that night when she apologized for me for something she didn't have any choosing of how it played out, and when she said that she thinks a lot...

I feel like it wasn't so much just the words themselves.

There was something more to it, the way she mentioned it, and then quickly steered the conversation away from it.

Like she immediately wished she hadn't admitted that, like there was something more to her thoughts that she can't turn off...

And then she just wanted to quickly turn the conversation away from that fact.

But I kind of sat there wondering... Hmmmm.... I wonder what else she would have said, or rather, I wonder what she was thinking inside her head.

She was saying one thing, but in her mind there was something else.

Anyway, that's the one thing.

I think about her thoughts.  Which sounds slightly strange if you think about it.  But, I don't know, that moment when she said that just keeps popping into my mind for some reason.

Obviously that's not what makes this post weird.  What makes this post weird is that I'm writing about someone and she doesn't know I'm writing about her.

But, I feel like the odds are she'll never know.  I don't possibly see how she could ever know I wrote this about her anyway.  I mean, none of the camp people read my blog, and only one person really even knows it exists and even when I told that person they really seemed to not be paying that much attention and so, I think I'm safe from her ever stumbling upon this.

And besides, this is probably the only time I'll write about her really.  I can't even imagine us ever crossing paths in real life ever again.  So, it's a safe bet to assume I won't find myself in some weird situation in the future where I'm in the same room as her and she has read my blog and it's totally awkward.

So, I'm just going to pretend it's not weird that I wrote all this.  Because, how's she going to ever know anyway.

Well, anyway, there you have it.  When you dream, what do you dream about?  Or, when you think... What do you think about?

I'll never know.  But I keep thinking about it.  I'm sure I'll think about it for a little while longer, but eventually... I'll find other thoughts will start popping up in my mind instead.

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