BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

Pizza

So, last night I went up the street to one of my favorite little writing nooks.  It's just a bar up the hill, about a mile away.  I had two beers and a pizza.  It's a personal sized pizza.  SO, we're not talking about eating an entire large pizza by myself.  Anyways...  I worked on a scene that I've been kind of struggling to write.  But, now things are flowing.  It's strange how when I first started this book, it was just an excuse to go sit at bars and hopefully end up sit next to a girl and hopefully meet a girl.  Then it became trying to hold on to this girl that I liked... But now it's sort of more than that.

I mean, it's interesting how it all started.  Going into it, I wouldn't have imagined I'd have an entire book.  See, before 2010, I'd spend my free time doing only music.  Which I still do, but just not as much.  Then I met this girl... Then, to try and get over her, I started going out to bars to try and meet someone new.  Then sitting at bars alone was awkward.  So I started bringing my laptop and working on writing.  Then this book started.

Now I have this book almost complete.  And there's something familiar about going to the same spots and doing things like sitting in the same little space and ordering a pizza and beer.  I do this with coffee too.  The thing about this bar spot is I don't always get the space I want because there might be someone there already.  So, last night was just like.... Sweet!  My spot is open!

But seriously, as much as I'd love to find that special someone.  I guess now that I've spent all this time working on this book, and eating pizza, and sipping coffee and tea, and drinking beer and wine...

I'd almost prefer to just eat pizza with a book, either writing or reading.  Don't get me wrong, I still want that whole love thing.  But... I guess since finding love is nearly impossible... Pizza never fails to bring me joy.  Also, I can order a pizza whenever I want.  Pizza is never something I have to find, or has to walk into my life.  Pizza is just a phone call away.  It's always there.  And it's always delicious.

If only I could find a relationship like pizza.

But anyways I'm sitting there in my favorite little writing spot... eating pizza, and drinking a beer.  And it was just nice and comfortable.  I guess, that's what I'd love to find... Something that just feels right.

Dating is always awkward.  It never feels right.  I mean, aside from a handful of girls that I've crossed paths with in my life... But most of the dating I've experienced so far in life, it's just been like... Something isn't right.  But I'll tell you, last night writing this one scene, and eating pizza and drinking beer.  It just felt nice.  It was a comfortable and nice Saturday night.

Maybe I'll never meet someone or experience something like that in the dating world.  Maybe I'll always have awkward and weird.  Who knows.  But I just have to keep hoping that comfortable and nice, and something that just feels right eventually happens.

A pizza relationship.  That's want I want.  I want to date someone that reminds me of comfort food.

Or I don't know.  Who knows anymore.  Everyone keeps saying, you'll meet someone when you least expect it.  I feel like I'm beyond least expecting t at this point.  I'm just giving up.

I mean, sure, I could probably just date someone that I'm not that into, but I'd rather not be in that situation.  I'd rather not date a girl that I'm not super into because if she becomes really into me... It's going to be a disaster.  I'll end up letting her down.  And I don't want to do that.  I don't want a girl to do that to me!  I mean, if I really fell for a girl and she wasn't that into me and she was only dating me just to date someone... I wouldn't want that.  So, it's not fair either to date someone just to date them.  It has to be mutual.  If you both are just like, okay we're just dating each other just to see how things go... That's fine.

And then if things progress and both people are on board.  That's good.  But if one person starts to fall harder or faster, or one person starts to not feel it... That's where the problem is.  That's like if someone REALLY wants pizza and it comes out and they grab the slice and it's super hot... and they get burned.

That's a bad relationship.  One person wanted it WAY too quick... so the pizza burned them.  You have to wait until the pizza is cool enough to eat.  You have to just kind of hang out with the pizza while it cools some and then you can enjoy the pizza.

That's kind of how relationships are... Although maybe not.  Maybe they are nothing like pizza.  Anyways, so yeah.  For the time being... I'll just eat pizza, since I can't seem to find much luck on the love front.

At least I know I always have pizza!