BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

31Aug/160

Who The Person Is Can Matter

Today I was in a conversation with my one coworker about my one friend from highschool.  I found out that she married a guy from Shazam.  Yeah, that Shazam.  And not just like... Some low level programmer guy (not that there's anything wrong with being a low level programmer guy!  You gotta start somewhere), but she married basically, one of the early people, I'm not 100 percent sure if he was a founder, but he was in pretty early on and he's pretty up there.   The point is, he's a stand up guy that works hard and has a lot going for him.  He's leaving Shazam though to start a new chapter in his life for the better.  New, bigger and better things.

But the conversation leaned towards... Who you marry does matter, because it changes your whole life.  It changes your whole direction in life.  Sometimes it can be substantially life changing in an instant.

For example with my highschool friend when she first moved to LA her Facebook posts and photos were drastically different before that one night that she was out at a bar and just happened to be standing next to her future husband.  Then they started chatting.  And the rest is history.

Her Facebook turned from, a 20 something that was just trying to make a living wage in LA, just making enough to get by and pay rent and afford student loans and groceries.... And afford life to...

Photos at country clubs.  Boats.  Etc. etc.

And now they are married with kids.

Let's rewind and say she didn't meet him.  Let's say she met another guy.  Maybe a social worker (not that there's anything wrong with social workers, but she'd just be in a different place in life, she wouldn't be driving the same car she is now).  Maybe someone who just immigrated to the US from another country and has a very low education level just because he hasn't had a chance to go to a nice school because in the country he was from it just wasn't an option and she married him and the only job he can get for the time being is working at a diner, and while he's doing that he's going to school part time to finish his college degree.

Her life would certainly be drastically different than it is now.  Yes, obviously none of that matters if you love the person and don't care about any of the externalities.  But it is a very different experience in life marrying someone that takes you out for brunch and mimosas on Sundays versus someone that is just trying to figure out how to make enough money to afford rent.

I mean, there's a lot to be said about who you marry, and even who you are born to.  I recognize that I've been given a VERY great gift just by being born to my mom.  I'm VERY privileged as far as people on this planet go.  But here's the thing, whoever I end up marrying, she will also share that.

Obviously love is important.  And you can't help who you fall for.  That's the entire premise of the Spin Doctors song, "Two Princes".  Sometimes you do have a great guy that is up to their ears and eyeballs in debt.  And sometimes you have a jerk guy that can buy a new car monthly and not think twice about it.

My job is to be both a great guy (to my future wife) and be able to have the added bonus of what my mom and grandparents provided me with.  SO that me and her can provide our children with that.  Because that's the idea.  It's not about just being the solo person... It's about being one cohesive unit.  A family team.

I mean, most families are like that.  Think about any major trip you went on or cruise in the last 5 years.  Who paid the bill?  Where did that money come from?  Mom or dad?  Or sibling maybe?  If not, that's awesome.  If it was 100 percent paid for by the salary from your job... That's AWESOME.  But sometimes things are not.  If you can recall in the last 5 years going on a cruise and you not paying the bill for that cruise... That's an incredible gift.

Sometimes things in your life, like bills, or a trip, or a cruise are paid for simply because of who you know, who you are born to, or who you marry.  It's just the way it is.

It's a strange concept.  To work SO hard to get where you want to be on your own.  Ideally everyone works for their own bread and butter.  But that's just not always the case.  Sometimes you collide paths with someone and then all of a sudden your life is different and now, just like my highschool friend, she's no longer worried about rent.  She's no longer worried about groceries.  She's worried about different things like buying the right car that will be safe for her kids.

I mean, in my case, whoever I end up marrying, the day we tie that knot... Her finances, simply because of what is written on a piece of paper, change.  Her name gets added as one of the beneficiaries of my share of the trust.

So, if she'd been going sleepless nights worrying about, let's say, 50 grand of student loans.... The day we get married, I can request to have those loans paid for her.

That's a CRAZY concept!  If we never meet, whoever this future girl is, she would have to work and make monthly payments to that loan.  But the day we meet, and then the day we get married.  It all changes for her.  Assuming we fall in love and all that...

But that's what we were discussing is how that story probably happens a lot.  You have someone that maybe moves to LA, or NYC, and might be struggling.  And then one night they are out at a bar, or out with friends.  And maybe it's a guy that is introduced to a girl, and maybe a girl that is introduced to a guy.  Maybe a guy introduced to a guy, maybe a girl introduced to a girl.

I want to make sure to cover all romantic preferences...

They click.  They make it all the way to getting married.

Suddenly, their life has changed because now there's two people involved in one path in life.

And depending on who you meet and fall for, your life can change.  I mean it isn't always roses.  Sometimes you fall for a bad seed.  Sometimes you fall for someone, like for instance, I know someone where they met and fell in love, and then it turned out the guy had a secret gambling addiction, and when she thought they had a good amount of money in the bank saved, but because he was managing the bank statements... She found out when they went to put a downpayment on a house... that account had next to nothing in it.  He'd gambled it all away.  Online poker late at night.

Then then split and went their different ways.

That's why it's important to be the kind of person to any possible significant other, that will add value to that person's life.  Just like my highschool friend adds value to her husband's life and she adds value to hers.  Not just monetary value, but that they are both crazy about one another.  I still see her posts on anniversaries about how she can't believe she ever crossed paths with such an awesome guy.  And I know he's an awesome guy because he makes her happy.  And that's what matters.  You both make each other happy.

Anyways, it just got me thinking.. it's always best to keep doing things in life that will add value to that person that you will potentially meet.  You want to be someone that when that person meets you, they can't wait to introduce you to all their friends.  They want to post all about you on Facebook and it gets a million likes.

So once I meet that one girl... We can both start changing one another's lives in positive ways.  We can keep adding value to each other's lives and we'll both become richer for it, because we'll make each other happy every single day.  And the fact that I can help her with her student loan debt, should she need that, is just icing on the cake.  But I only have that ability because I have to recognize the privilege that I was given by being born to who I was born to.  But as well I can add even more value to that by taking everything I have in my life and continuing to build on that.  To build and work hard and make something even greater.

So, I have the ability to make music, and write books, and the knowledge to manage my own investments.  And I can also work a 9-5 job and bring in income from there, and be a productive member of that college community.  I help COUNTLESS numbers of people every day with computer issues.  And I love doing that.  I love leaving work at the end of the day knowing that I added value to each one of those people's lives.  But also knowing that I'll have a lot to offer to a girl one day down the road... Just like my highschool friend's husband had a lot to offer her...

But it took that element of luck.  It took that one fateful night where they just happened to bump into each other at the bar and he offered to buy her a drink.  And she said sure.

Without that... All of the value will be lost.  But that day that I cross paths with her, I have to be ready to have a lot of value to add to her life.  And for her to go home after the first night we meet thinking... "You know, I'm actually kind of excited about this guy I met tonight."

And I'll be thinking, "I'm really excited about this girl I met tonight."

Until then... It's all about working to build and add value to make myself more marketable and more appealing as someone that would be that one person that a girl out there would be excited to show off to all her friends.

Anyways, that was the conversation from today... Who you marry can matter and change your life.  Someone supportive and hardworking, and passionate and you make one another happy.

Or you marry someone who you go to check the mutual bank account before you apply for a mortgage to make sure you have enough for the downpayment only to find a few dollars left in that account.

Which person do you want to be, and which person do you want to meet and marry?

The answer is pretty clear that we all want to be that value add person that makes the other person's life infinitely better simply because we were both so fortunate to cross paths in life.

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