BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

Movie Or A Book

So one girl on the dating site today decided after 16 exchanges of multiple paragraph length responses... To flat out reject me...

"Hi Kenny, thanks again for the responses, it's been really great to chat with you, but I want to be straightforward with you and tell you that I'm not sure we're gonna click beyond a friend level. I really don't want to waste your time because you really are a guy I'd like to be friends with, but I know you're not looking for that."

Oh well.  I often wonder all the people out there that are married if they had almost thought about rejecting the person they ended up with and then maybe they said... "You know... maybe I'll just give this person a shot..."

When you say no to something, you close the door on what could be... if you'd just been more open about it.  But hey, that's her choice.  Who knows maybe one day if I do ever get married.... I'll say to my wife... "You know, the only reason why you and I are together... Is because every other girl I tried to date said no.  But you said yes.  So you really should thank all the other girls that said no because if just one of those girls had said yes, I'd be with one of them instead of with you."

Which is true.  The one that we end up with... is because everyone else said no.  And that one person decided to say yes to giving it a shot.

Well, so that response today made me feel kind of down... But then I got another response from a girl that said she had an idea... and I really liked the idea...

The idea is this.  Before going on a date... Let's say you meet for coffee, or a beer.  First... You both read the same book.  Or go see the same movie in the theaters.  Then when you meet you discuss that book or movie.

I like that idea.  I think it's a cute/fun idea.  I feel like it would help with a connection and help a romance blossom instead of just showing up out of nowhere with nothing to talk about...

Although, my boss and coworker both don't really seem to believe in the whole romance thing.  They are married and they are like...

Well as my boss and coworker both told me today... actually I'll just say word for word my boss's exact sentence.  He said... "Marriage is about companionship and not love or romance. All of that stuff fades away anyways. So it doesn't really matter who you end up with because love fades away, and romance doesn't stay. It's just about going through life with a companion. Not falling in love, or having romance."

They just keep saying to me... Just pick any girl.  It doesn't matter at all who she is or what you feel about her.  Just pick a girl and marry her.  Because no one that is married actually is in love or feels romantic towards their significant other.  You just end up being companions and there is no love after a while.

I don't know if I believe that.  I think that if there's no more love in a marriage, that you shouldn't stay together.  I feel like there are probably married couples out there that aren't in love... But I also feel like there are married couples that ARE in love.  I'd rather be single than with someone I don't love.

Could you imagine on a wedding day just saying to the other person... "And do you take this person to have and hold..."

"Yeah sure.  We're just going to end up being companions but not actually in love.  SO whatever.  Let's just get this ceremony over with already."

I think that's kind of ridiculous.  I think that when two people get married they SHOULD be in love.  And then they should stay married while they are in love.  But once they fall out of love... They should divorce.

I'd never stay married to someone I wasn't in love with.  And I wouldn't expect someone to stay married to me if they weren't in love with me!

I suspect my coworker and boss are probably just telling me that marriage is boring or whatever and that they aren't super in love with their spouses just because they want to try and make me feel better about being single...  They probably are all in love and it's just something they are saying because I'm all hopelessly single and they are all married.  So I suspect that is the case.

Anways, my plan is to just keep going on first dates.  Just keep getting rejected because that's how it goes... For every 100 or 1000 first dates and girls that decide to just not even give you the time of day, or just not even respond to your follow up text message and ghost on you.  Or just decide to stop responding while messaging on the dating site... Or just decide to call it quits on you...

There's 1 girl that will say yes to you.

So, just have to be persistent.  Because if I wanted a companion, I'd just marry my cats.  A cat is a companion.  A significant other is someone that you should be in love with and you should still get butterflies every time you see them.

And I plan to keep searching for that until it happens.

But until it does, what I might start doing is before I go on a first date... I might suggest that we both read the same book, or we both watch the same movie.

I mean even if I go on another thousand first dates... At least I'll have read a thousand books and had discussions about it.  So at least something productive will have come out of those first dates instead of just a bunch of girls from dating sites ghosting me with no explanation after the first date.

That's what the girl I went on a date last Friday with did.  I texted her a follow up text... and heard nothing.  She seemed interested on the date... But it was probably just the alcohol she was consuming.

But that's how dating goes.  It's full of disappointments.  Which is why if I ever do end up getting married I'll just keep thinking to myself... All those other girls that wouldn't give me the time of day... That lost interest... That I couldn't keep their interest after all that trying... That just decided to say no...

And this girl said yes.  This one girl decided to say yes to us.  So it doesn't matter that all those other girls said no, because this one girl decided to say yes.  And that's all that matters, is that one girl that will finally say yes in a sea of girls saying no.