BennyEast.Com/Blog The official blog of Kenny West

12Feb/160

Dating Rant

So, I've been single like... For a long long LONG time.  Mostly... It's because... I kind of want to actually like the girl I date.

And I think that's a fair request.  I don't think that's too much to ask for out of a relationship companion.

Yes, I've had some girls that were interested in me ask me if I wanted to date.  Could I have dated them?  Yes.  But even after a first kiss... there still weren't any sparks for me.  I mostly just feel like it's unfair to date someone that after you've kissed them you still have no genuine romantic feels.  It's almost like leading them on in my mind.

I mean... I feel as though there should at least be some kind of romantic interest in the person that you get at least some sort of little pitter-patter in your heart for them.

Ok, so... What about the girls I have had 'the feels' for?  They usually aren't interested back.  Well, not usually... They just aren't.

Take a girl that I have spoken to on the dating site a few times over the last year.  Each time we start talking... She eventually stops responding.  Then we'll message again, and she'll say... something like... "Huh, you know, I think we've spoken before but I guess it fizzled out... I have no idea why though."

So, I give it another try.  I start talking to her again.  I start with chit chat...  She does it again.  Just stops responding.

The reason why it fizzled out... Is because you just stop responding to me.  And you just did it again.

It happens a lot though, so it's not just her.  I mean, I'm sure everyone does it.  If you're not feeling something for someone.  You're not.  So, ok fine she's not feeling anything back.  Oh well.

That's not really my rant though.  My rant is mostly... Why is it that even one girl that I ACTUALLY genuinely am interested in... can't just be genuinely interested back?  How come the ones that even after a first kiss I feel nothing for are still there after the first kiss saying to me... "Well if you ever change your mind let me know."

Then I try to think about it for weeks and try to convince myself... Maybe I could like them?  But then I think about the kiss and how there just wasn't anything there at all for me.  And I just can't do it.

Whereas the ones that I, say, even go on a first date with, and I'm like ok... I'm definitely interested in a second date...

Text to follow up...

No reply.

Or we schedule a second date and then she cancels at the last minute.  And then I try to reschedule and she can't seem to fit me in.  And then she'll text to say... "Sorry, I'm actually dating someone else now and I really want to see where that goes, but I had fun talking to you and getting to know you."

Or after a couple dates... "I'm more just getting a friend vibe.  What are your thoughts?"  Which happened to me like a month ago after going on a date with this photography/outdoorsy hiker girl that I thought was really cute and fun.  But then she wanted to be friends.  Although, she still hasn't responded to the last couple of texts that I sent her a few weeks ago.  So even the friends thing didn't work out too well.

Ok.  Well... She wasn't the one either.

I don't know.  It's just annoying.  It's never mutual.  And then there's all these people on Facebook posting pics of roses that their man delivered to them captioned:

"Two dozen roses delivered.  Boy done right."

I'd LOVE to do that for a girl.  But I don't just want to do it for ANY girl.  I want to do it for a girl that I genuinely have feelings for.  Because even worse than being single on Valentine's day is having to buy roses for a girl that you know in your heart you don't have any true feelings for her and eventually... You're going to want to break up with her some day.  But you're with her giving it a shot to see if any feelings develop... But they don't... and... All the girls you WANTED and HAD feelings for, true feelings for, never returned the interest.  And so you're with this girl, trying to make yourself feel something.  Trying to look at her in "that way" to conjure up those butterflies.  But they never come.  And then you dread every time you have to go on a next date with her.  Or you dread having to be around her and pretend that this is going to go somewhere, when in your mind.... You know it's already over.

I guess that's why I'm still single though.  I guess if I HAD met a girl where it all happened mutually... I'd be on my way to getting engaged and married and all that.  Because both of us would actually, genuinely, want one another.

But here I am.  I've got nothing.  Well, not nothing, I've met some friends that started as dating.  I'm just avoiding logging into Facebook because I'm tired of all the people posting about their loves of their lives taking them out for Valentine's day or buying them flowers.  All the stuff I want SOOOOO badly to do for a girl...

But none of the girls I meet in any of the dating scenes where I genuinely want from the depths of my heart to do that for them... Want it back.  At least not from me.  They want it from other guys I guess.  But I'm not the one they want.

I wish I could just bring myself to like any of the girls that have been interested in me instead of just seeing them as friends.  It would just be so much easier if there were a technique to flip the switch on to feel loving feelings for someone.

I just can't shake the feeling that most relationships aren't mutual.  But that one of the people in the relationship just has a talent or ability to turn on feelings... Or at least fake it till they make it.  I just can't bring myself to do that though.

I honestly believe that love happens.  You don't make it happen.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe you just pick someone and keep dating them until eventually you figure out how to love them.  But, I just can't seem to do that, even though I've tried it in the past.  It just never works for me.  I need to feel those genuine loving  feelings for a girl.  I want to wake up each morning with her on my mind and have her be the last thought on my mind before I go to sleep.

Maybe that's unrealistic.  I just feel like it's not THAT much to ask for out of the whole dating/relationships thing.  I feel like you should at least want the person.  I feel like you should at least be able to say to the person "I want you."  And then kiss them.  And actually think in your mind... "WOW. I REALLY like this person.  I don't want to EVER stop kissing them.  I wish this kiss would go on forever."

It shouldn't be...

"So... I wonder how much longer I should kiss for... I'm not enjoying this... At all... I kind of want to stop kissing this person right now but I don't want to upset them and make them feel bad.  Maybe I'll just kiss for a little while longer.  Ok, this was definitely a mistake.  I shouldn't have made out with this person at all.  Now what am I going to say.  Crap, I don't want to have to tell them I don't want to kiss them again.  I'll just keep kissing them.  Ugh, I'm stuck in that spot where I don't want to talk to them after the kiss but I don't want to kiss them anymore.  This is the worst."

Then when the kiss is over they say "I really like kissing you."

And you just point at the TV and comment on something on the screen.  Then talk about how tired you are and how the time is getting late and you really need to get some sleep.

Awkward.

If the last person you kissed was actually someone you REALLY wanted to kiss.  And you know that they REALLY wanted to kiss you.  You're lucky.  That's all I have to say.  Just know how lucky you are that you've found that.  Because I've searched high and low and still can't seem to find that.

End rant.

Filed under: Stuffs Leave a comment
Comments (0) Trackbacks (0)

No comments yet.


Leave a comment

No trackbacks yet.